Parental pitfalls

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During the school holidays my Mum came down here for a few days to spend with the kids. With her she bought puzzles and bits and pieces and my very least favourite thing: craft. Craft packs. A sew-a-bear thingy and this terrible mini pom pom thing that had bits of fucking pom poms and teeny tiny double sided backs of tape squares that went everywhere. Mum doesn’t get my deep dislike and distrust of craft activities. I mean I do like to partake in the creation of stuff – just not when it has to be organised and cleaned up by me. If there was a craft place to go to, a craft camp, maybe I would get into it, but not here, not on my watch.

And my dislike of some parenting activities is not limited to the craft, oh no! There are HEAPS of things that I don’t like. I don’t just blame craft! I HATE, and I mean loathe the park. The standing there, the pushing of the swings, the being ordered around from one activity to the next by a small dictator making you do the things that you don’t want to do. The awkward chats with other parents. All of it….bluergh.

I have compiled a list of things that I really don’t love about raising small people. No one really mentions this stuff to you when you read the baby books do they?

Play Doh

Kids love this shit and while it is appealing when it comes out of the packet and it’s all fresh and lovely and non mixed, 3.5 minutes later it’s been squashed together into a brown ball and there are little bits of play doh crumbs that either get wedged into your table cracks never to be removed again. These also dry up and leave a trail everywhere. The odd play doh crumb will also get smooshed into carpet and no amount of vanish carpet removal will get that out.

Bunk Beds

My very least favourite part of domestic duties (and you KNOW my passion for bed making) is the making of a double bunk bed. That top bunk is IMPOSSIBLE to get neat and even (essential in my house) and can take lots of lifting, bruised wrists, arms and split nails. It’s HARD. If you don’t need to get a bunk bed, don’t.

School sand pits

Somehow, when your child goes to daycare of preschool, or in the case of my oldest, primary school they get sand in their shoes. BUCKETS of sand. Sometimes you remember to empty it outside, other times your kids can forget and they open their shoes and a beach worth of sand and fucking bark goes everywhere. I think it breeds in little people’s shoes.

Clothes pulling

Harper is a repeat offender of this. It actually drives me MENTAL. I talk very loudly, every time she does it, asking her to “NOT PULL ON MY CLOTHES” and people look at me, they do! Imagine being bothered by that! But I am. It really pisses me off. Especially on the days when the verbal demands can drag you down, you get physically dragged down too! Sometimes I also get foot standing. Oh that’s a good one too! The foot stomping while you are standing in a line for the post office or bank. IT HURTS. STOP IT ALREADY.

Extra curricular activities

I know kids have to learn stuff, I do. And I encourage growth and development, I do! I just don’t want to sit in a hot humid swimming pool area watching my kid have a terrible time. Or even a good time. HOURS of my life have been spent at swimming lessons, or ballet or gymnastics not to mention the thousands of dollars. I have finally gotten on board to get my friends and their kids involved so we can at least chat while this goes on.

Stray lego pieces
Missing puzzles pieces
Endless bits of plastic crap that cannot be thrown out
Paintings and drawings and more paintings that cannot be thrown out
Textas with no lids, pencils unsharpened
Throwing stuff in the bin and being caught out when small person discovers their painting/toy/texta

I could go on, but I’m sure I’ve given just the right of ammo for people to tell me what a terrible and ungrateful mother I am so I’ll leave it at that. I KNOW I’m not alone, and it’s OK, you can say this stuff out loud. It’s OK!

Tell me, what’s your arch nemesis? Is it the sound of a kid ratting through a lego box over and over again so loudly that you think you might just really, actually REALLY LOSE YOUR MIND? Or mini fucking pom poms?

  • Bree Di Mattina

    Oh man you really have opened yourself up for a world of hurt today haven’t you? ;)

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Sometimes you have to live on the edge Bree!

  • Emily Furlong

    It’s like you crawled into my brain and put my most secret things on the interwebz…. It is nice to know I’m not alone! Are there support groups for parents like us? It would be I think like the polar opposite of “play-group”, because I also LOATHE being shoved into a room of women I’m supposed to immediately love and bind with simply because we have a child of similar age. Never mind that their child is a devil spawn of biting, punching and power spews…. Oh dear, thank the powers that be that my kid is growing up and doesn’t want a lot of the above anymore. I now just get to deal with hormonal meltdowns and rooms that are NEVER tidy even after she’s just cleaned it!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I never did Playgroup either!

      • A Farmer’s Wife

        I totally failed play group. Too much glitter….

  • Whitney Sigler

    OMG where the hell do I start. Lol I hate pretty much everything you said. I I have three grown kids. I remember throwing crap out when they went to bed /bits and pieces of stuff. The boys had damn mini micro machine cars and Lego everywhere. Then the girl came along with fucking Barbie shit. I loath the park. I’m so much better as Mimi to the granddaughters. With crafting. Write a book. I’ll buy it. Love ya Whitney

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      That’s what Grandma’s are for right? Craft! I can’t wait to unleash it on Harper & Daisy’s kids!

  • http://www.stylingyou.com.au/ Nikki | Styling You

    I’m sure my kids will be in therapy in later years bemoaning the fact their mother never kept their artwork for longer than two weeks.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Harper sees hers in the bin (the bad crappy painted ones from preschool that don’t look like ANYTHING) and I get sprung!

  • http://www.mumdeep.com/ Ash Kaye

    School productions where you have to sit through 2 hours of cringe worthy lines and awkward pauses just to see your one in the very back row for 1.5 minutes. This is the first time in 10 years I don’t have to attend one. I’m not missing it.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I have these all ahead of me. So many years. So many concerts.

  • Robyn (Mrs D)

    OMG the bunk bed thing – I HATE then too. Ours lasted a whole month before I made Mr D separate then!! My poor third child has probably only been the park twice in her whole life!!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      She’ll be scarred for sure.

  • Nicky

    Craft!!!!! But I have boys so it isn’t quite as important to them. Pinebark. Like the sand, this shit that they fill up playgrounds (another pet hate of mine) with sticks to EVERYTHING!!!!!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Bark is BAD. Why don’t they consult mothers when they build parks?!

  • Merrie Caruana

    Yes to all of these, especially the pulling of clothes, it drives me mental. Except for the park, the park is for me to sit in the sun and read whilst ignoring my children. Pushing swings is against my religion.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Good on you Merrie!

  • http://www.mrsnotable.com.au/ Louisa | Mrs Notable

    I’m so with you on the park, I hate the bloody playground. Hate it. On the odd occasion I do make the journey, walking home I have the whole head wobble – I’m a good parent swagger going on. Drawing on everything, I hate that. We have a tv bench, granted its an ikea bench, but it was a $800 ikea tv bench – so thats like 5k in regular furniture, right? She draws all over the f*cker, now gumption and babywipes get it off, but shit don’t draw on the freaking tv bench, ok? The last time resulted in a massive mummy and Daddy hussy fit, and every single texta in this house was thrown in the bin. Oh the tears. Take that small child.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      You sure showed HER.

  • http://blog.downthatlittlelane.com.au/ Tessa White

    OMG Peeing my pants.. Firstly we don’t do PlayDoh, we still have unopened gifts at the back of the cupboard, didn’t do bunk beds either (hurrah!).. the SAND!!!.. worst is when I empty in bin only to find a few days later there was a small hole in the bag and have now filled said inner bin!..
    I stopped extra curricular, 1 terms on 1 term off.. it is bliss.. a clothes pull gets a hand slap.. fair is fair and the slap is SOOO reserved in comparison to my blood boiling.
    Lego.. love hate, mine play well and alone with it but if I stand on another Yoda head.. have you seen his ears!!
    Textas with no lids get binned, I got screw up crayons and pencils, when throwing stuff out it goes straight to the big bin outside and ART.. we put all pieces on top of the fridge and fortnightly I remove when alone discard shit ones keep possibly… one and clip it in their room with all the others, a single clip, one for each kid.
    So now I feel like I have solved a few of yours.. I have oh just a gazillion of mine for you to sort back for me!..

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Thanks you Tessa!

      • http://blog.downthatlittlelane.com.au/ Tessa White

        Totally won’t solve our endless cursing about the shit our kids do but we can try and the reading of your rant felt as good as one for myself.. love that.

  • S H

    Cushions on the floor!!!!! FUCK!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      YES.

  • Samantha

    I love you. This is fabulous, truly fabulous. I feel like you have read my mind.

    I have one extra…
    Painting I hate painting. Bottles and water and paint and shit everywhere, eyes off for a minute and the almost five year old and old enough to know better dictator/terrorist has painted herself head to toe.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Oh I forgot painting! Harper BEGS me and the times it’s happened I have stained pavers with paint that is meant to be washable. That’s what preschool is for!

  • Helsbels

    Oh Beth thank you!! You just enunciated all the things I thought I was the only one who hated…and send myself on round-the-world guilt trips about! I’m learning to deal with there being a craft and drawing table that is permanently messy and I cope (just) as long as it stays there. Once a month or so we clear out and throw out – though I too often do the secret throw out when the kids aren’t around. You have to bury it in the wheelie bin too as its their job to take out the rubbish and you don’t want it being brought back inside ;) The park I can do if I have a sunny spot and coffee – my youngest is now 6 so at least I no longer have to push the swing! Play doh only at kitchen bench – much easier to clean up. And yes to some other comments…wait till you have to start sitting through a 3 hour presentation day ceremony at school watching all the same kids get all the awards but not being able to leave because your cherub is getting a very minor award that is handed out at the END! I’m entering a new phase of having to nag a teenager to get a job so I can have the privilege of taxiing them to that job…and L plates are also just around the corner…OMFG!! Wouldn’t swap being a mum to my 3 kids for the world though :))

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Either would I. I love them, I really do! Promise!

  • JB

    All of these things… all of them. And yoghurt lids that no matter how much I nag always appear on the arm of couches or stuck to the timber floors sticky side down. And unflushed toilets… yuck!!!

    • Helsbels

      And wee spots on the seat…double yuck! I have boys and girls and they both manage it so its not just a boy thing!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      HOW HARD IS IT TO FLUSH?

  • Melanie Scott Burnicle

    I’m OK with play dough and paint, to be fair we have tiles and a crappy old house (one particularly loose parenting day we did paint slip and slide). It’s the bloody dress ups I can’t stand. Another, entirely pointless “wardrobe” that has to be stored and sorted, that gets hauled out and spread from one end of the house to the other, and of course, requires constant help due to little farkin buttons and velcro that 4-7 year old fingers can’t navigate.
    The one thing that drives me completely over the edge at the moment is my kids WIPING themselves on me, like i’m a towel. They KNOW it drives me nuts so now they pretend they are coming to cuddle me before they deposit the remains of their peanut butter toast on me. Insult to injury.

    • Amanda Somerville

      Ahhhhh, the wiping…I forgot about that one! That’s one of the worst!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Dress ups! Yes! And the wiping. We are human tea towels…

  • Melanie Scott Burnicle

    Also have you heard of Artkive? MIght be an answer to your art storage issues :)

    • Helsbels

      Just googled this Melanie, looks like a lifesaver! Thanks for the info:)

      • BabyMacBlogBeth

        Yes – it’s great!

  • http://www.hippiemumma.com/ Jackie @ Hippie Mumma

    I love your honesty. I’m naive to all that you mentioned as my little one is only 12 months. Ohhh the future looks bright ;)

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Hold onto your hat!

  • jess @ fushmush

    I hear ya sister!

    I hate parks which is why I only go to parks with other Mums. I drove 25 minutes yesterday to take my daughter to a park where my friends were hanging when we have several good parks just down the road.

    I don’t share your aversion for play doh and craft. I only get two colours of play doh out a time and my daughter has been trained not to mix the two together. It hasn’t happened so far.

    My daughter loves gluing, cutting, sticking and painting. It keeps her occupied for at least an hour and during this time I can get important stuff done without being interrupted. It’s totally worth the effort craft takes.

    A lot of her artwork goes on the fridge and then in the recycling bin. I use her paintings as wrapping paper. I’ve been on an anti wrapping paper kick for years now. I know wrapping paper looks beautiful but people just unwrap presents and then chuck the paper in the bin. What a waste! For wrapping paper I use tea towels, or tshirts, or my daughter’s paintings.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      We do the wrapping paper too…and the cutting and glueing from magazines I CAN do. I have actually! See? Am no longer a monster!

  • Helsbels

    Forgot to add that I have advice regarding bunks (having learnt the hard way 10 years ago):
    1. Although the bunk above a desk scenario looks sooo cool in Ikea, make sure you check the measurements. We spent 2 days putting the worlds most complicated flat pack together only to discover that the bed was so high that my son could not even sit up in bed he was that close to the ceiling!
    2. Only use a good quality foam mattress on the top bunk. Having a heavy inner spring mattress jut does not work.
    3. Agree with Beth, unless a bunk is really necessary, just don’t.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Sage advice re: point 2. I am suffering with the heavy good quality mattress…

      • Julie Haaksma

        I have solved the Bunk Bed making Nightmare – I make & sell ‘Pull-Up Blankets’ – lift mattress down, put on fitted sheet, slide Pull-Up Blanket on & replace mattress on bunk – all neat & tidy!

  • Vange Asuncion Langford

    SO TRUE! Pre-children I had visions of me being all arty crafty with my kids then reality hit! I even bought them the damn paint, play doh, crayons but I only take them out as a last resort. I want to tell my friends and family to never ever give us art and craft presents anymore but I don’t have the nerve, I smile when I get them then they get immediately hidden.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Re gift those presents off and out of your life!

  • Gail Virgona

    Oh me oh my – all of the above and more.

    The sound of the ENTIRE box of Lego being tipped out upstairs. I have a rake inside to scoop it all up.

    The fact my three (nearly 4) year old won’t eat unless I feed him. JC.

    And the current love/hate is animal cards. Love the idea. Love the learning. Better than footy cards. But hate the nuclear meltdowns when one is lost/missing/bent/wet etc etc And of course we missed out on an album so I spend my life picking them up and putting them back in the tupperware container.

    Thanks for expressing my innermost thoughts as always Beth.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I remember that Gourmet Girlfriend used to use a dustpan and broom for the lego too!

    • Julie Haaksma

      @gailvirgona:disqus Woolworths is apparently getting more Albums made for the Animal Cards, not sure when though. Julie

      • Gail Virgona

        OH my stars that would be ace. Please please woolworths put my out of my misery. Gail

  • Reannon Hope

    Man I love play – doh!! When my biggest two were little I used to make them play- doh. Craft & play doh all in one! That would be some kind of hell for you wouldn’t it hahahaha

    But I’m with you on the park. I used to try & make sure we went with friends so I’d have someone to talk to & the kids would have people to do stuff with. I am not looking forward to Blake getting to the park stage because this time around I have NO FRIENDS with babies . I’m gonna be screwed & will have to make conversation with the randoms….fuck that!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Don’t even tell him the parks exists. Simple!

  • Amanda Somerville

    Let’s see…using every space known to man as a bin except of course the actual rubbish bin. Some of the places I find rubbish stashed would of taken approximately 10x longer to stash it there than to simply put it in the bin.

    Putting clean washing back into the dirty washing basket because they couldn’t be arsed putting their clothes away…clothes that I have, sorted, washed, dried, folded and ironed.

    And lastly…dobbing. Are you dead? Is your sibling dead? Would anyone perceive Mummy in a bad light if they found out about it? …No? Well then go and sort it out yourselves! And no, but Muuuuuuuummmmmmmm, is NOT a convincing argument to get me to get involved!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Yes to the rubbish! How hard is it to put a wrapper in the bin? Back of the couch, anywhere for paddle pop sticks around here!

  • Peta Venus

    SCHOOL FUCKING LUNCHES!!!!! I have spent the last 17 years of my life making school lunches. Lunches that are swapped at school or returned uneaten or found at the bottom of the cupboard two terms later!!!! Then they want me to do CANTEEN FUCKING DUTY!! Are you kidding me?

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Oh Peta…stay strong x

  • Katherine Bishop

    Ha! Thanks for the honesty. I have never (and hopefully will never) have paints in the house. Painting (and the messy aftermath) is for childcare/kinder! As for the park, with three boys, I am now at one with the park as it’s one of the few ways of entertaining them where they dont’ fight. I’ve worked out if I take food, it can actually be quite pleasant to sit, watch them play & eat cake!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      That does sound pleasant!

  • Katherine Bishop

    Oh, and the wee. On the seat, floor, wall etc etc. 3 boys and only one is toilet trained. My life of cleaning up wee is only going to get worse… :)

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      My condolences x

    • ahoy.jenni

      Oh no….I live in dread of this. I’m keeping him in nappies as long as possible.

  • Vicki C

    Oh we are on the same page!! No wonder I appreciate a glass of wine. Drawings, lots of drawings, textas with missing lids, lids with missing textas and the screaming and blaming from Miss 8 pointing the finger at Master 5, when it’s actually both of them. Sand in shoes and then when the said shoes are taken off in the car…….aaarrrggghhhhh. Tiny, tiny Barbie accessories and when they are sacrificed to the Dyson, well, that’s it they’re gone. Play Doh’s are nemesis is Moon Doh! Horrible stuff, worse than play doh. I could go on………

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      What on EARTH is Moon dough?!!

      • Vicki C

        Ha, Moon Doh is very soft and light, almost powdery, but when squeezed together you can mould it into anything. When the kids pick it to pieces, the slightest breeze can send it flying! It goes everywhere. It’s strange stuff.

  • Heidi

    My four year old lives to do craft! I have everything packed into a big plastic tub in a LOCKED cupboard. It stays there unless she asks for it otherwise it goes with her to Grandma’s house. Grandmas really do love craft!
    Don’t get me started on the endless bags and piles of plastic crap she hoards.
    The worst kind is the second hand junk or ‘treasures’ as she likes to call them from fetes and markets she’s been to with her Grandma.
    I have to clean her room and dispose of it all when she’s at kinder to avoid a melt down!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Daisy has a collection of old Grandma stuff…she calls it her PRECIOUS.

  • Lilyfieldlife

    I don’t mind some craft – painting (are you surprised?) and getting the kids to do hand sewing. Almost all our paintings and drawings get thrown out. my kids are fine with it – we call it practice. All pencils have to be sharp and un-lidded textas get thrown in the bin immediately. but the clothes pulling does my head in also. Yesterday after a hurried exit of the house, my son wanted to hold my hand as we were walking to school and i actually heard myself say “I DON”T WANT to hold your hand!” whoops, I’ve turned into my mother. When we were growing up her catch phrase was “don’t maul me”. Motherhood!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Sometimes you don’t want to hold their hands…it’s OK! I have said on more than one occasion GET OFF ME. Yep.

  • musingsofamartin

    oh yes.
    and yes again.
    totally with you on the ‘busted while secretly throwing stuff out’ thing.
    we are embarking on a HUGE move and any chance I get I am sneaking that crap out of those rooms and into the bin. I REFUSE to move them. I will NOT.
    in fact, I am the mean mum that in a few weeks will be hosting a garage sale and am having someone else take my kids to the park while I sell off some of their gear. Out of sight out of mind is my philosophy.
    be GONE.

    did i really type that?
    keep on keeping it real, Beth. x

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Yeah you did! When we moved here I just emptied out baskets and drawers of CRAP. They didn’t miss it. SHUT IT DOWN SISTA.

  • scissorspaperrock

    Ugh the clothes pulling. What is with that???? Hate it.

    Drives me batty.

    http://claireeverafter.com/

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I don’t know…I suspect that they want attention or something. Sheesh.

  • Whitney Sigler

    I’m so sorry. When I said I hate pretty much everything you said, I mean I agree with you.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Of course! I knew thats what you meant x

  • Charmaine

    Oh I just love it:) so adore you Beth. I have one. The talking…….ALL the time. I can’t think. Also that it can take a long time to the point about something pointless. I have made a time out chair outside… For myself lol. I am a Lego nazi. One box at a time, ALL pieces back in the ziplock bag in the box. If we give Lego as a gift I include a ziplock because I cannot cope with the idea of pieces everywhere x

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Love it! So thoughtful!

  • Sue N

    What about when they tap you over and over again which then turns into a little finger digging into your stomach, over and over again. It is like water torture to me. My kids learnt never to tap mum to get her attention a longgggg time ago, but I work in a prep grade and I get it EVERY SINGLE day……arrrrrrrrrrr!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      You are a brave woman x

  • ahoy.jenni

    Fuck yeah ! All of the above!! Do not feel alone!!
    And you didn’t mention bubbles !!
    But, I can handle the park….with a coffee in one hand, not a problem.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Goodness ME! How could I forget bubbles? They are on my hit list too!

  • Melissa

    I hate hate hate the ‘Mum…Mum….” that needs my verbal acknowledgement before either of my kids will proceed with the rest of the question/statement. YOU DON”T NEED ME TO GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!!!! and if I ignore them then it goes on and on and on.

    My husband calls it the *ping* as in pinging back to the mother station.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Classic!

  • Elissa

    Oh god. Play Doh. The work of SATAN! I can handle home made playdough (as distinct from bought in the shops, bright as fuck and guaranteed to stain the shit out of everything Play Doh) but only just…and preferably not in MY house.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Play doh for Preschool or Playgroup right?

  • Elissa

    Oh! I have more!! Beads! Mother F*&*%ing BEADS!! Dear god almighty I HATE the little teensy tiny beads!!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Not welcome under my roof…

  • Lisa Mckenzie

    Wait till they are teenagers Beth there will be a new list of what you don’t like and teaching them to drive and the slammimg of doors,even though mine are 23 and 25 there are still things I don’t like My son the eldest cannot hang up his wet towel ,I was nagging him yesterday and my daughters love of texting me to ask to do something for her with the pretty pleases and the I love you’s.
    I hated play doh BTW and Bunk beds I abhorred those damn things let me tell you ,I kept the lego and duplo for when I am am a granny……..God forbid!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      You’ll be great!

    • Peta Venus

      Texting you from the next room to ask for something

  • Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo

    Learn from me, remember I have ADULT children now and they don’t completely hate me.

    Playdoh. ONE COLOUR AT A TIME. I don’t fucking CARE if your person is one colour, Gumby was one colour and he was a damn STAR.

    Parks. They are the domain of grandparents. Unless you are old enough to do shit for yourself and then it is where mummy catches up with friends for a latte under the shade sails while you wear yourself out.

    Rubbish bag in the laundry. This is where the ‘precious’ shit goes. No one but mum goes into the laundry. Hide the chocolate there.

    Any more tips you want? I can write a whole freaking blog post about it. ;)

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I bow down Kelley x

    • http://www.theveggiemama.com Veggie Mama

      I’d read that. Teach me your waaaaays!

  • What_Sarah_Did_Next

    I always subscribed to the theory that craft/painting etc belonged at daycare. We once had textas at home until the Texta Incident Of 2002 when the lounge and table were ‘decorated’. I had a massive conniption and threw EVERY. SINGLE. TEXTA. OUT. The boys only had coloured pencils after that. LOL.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Texta gate!

  • Rachel Armstrong

    I hear you! I could not agree more with every single point you made. Currently it’s the bunk bed thing doing my head in at the moment. Gosh it seemed like a delightful space saving idea at the time…

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Needless to say sheets don’t get washed as much as they should…

  • Karen Fiebig

    I love craft – if it’s not in my home. I love activities – if somebody else organises them – and they’re not in my home. I love play dates – if they’re at somebody elses house. I loathe cooking so I certainly don’t love cooking with my children! I listen to my children read – I lie on the bed with my eyes closed and murmur ‘excellent reading’ now and again. Wee on the toilet seat, poo in the toilet, vomit, snot…. it’s lucky we love them – goes without saying!

    Do those crafting, play doughing, park loving, cook from scratch mums even exist?? Or are they just fictional characters on the internet sent to make us feel inadequate?

    I laughed and sighed out loud when I read this :) I’m not the only one!!!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Maybe they don’t?! Well if they do, they certainly don’t read my blog. THANK GOODNESS.

  • MotherDownUnder

    Oh my god yes…the child care sand shoes! Why cannot I not remember to take his shoes off outside!
    And the park is not to be tackled unless I have an iced coffee in hand and am meeting another mommy friend.
    And the combination of these two things…the bark in the shoes from the park drives me mental…probably because it somehow ends up in my shoes too!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Stupid bloody bark. Stupid bloody park.

  • Carla Moulds

    Beth, I so agree with Lisa ,you will think fondly of craft and the park when you are teaching your teenager to drive or letting them go into the city for the first time or lying awake waiting for them to come home. Making all the decisions about when they can do certain things independently , like staying home on their own. There are lots of adventures ahead.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I am going to lock them up. Simple.

  • Josie McBride

    You forgot Geleez …that shit dont come off. I buy them for kids with mums that have gifted my kids craft…payback is a bitch.
    And Beth – you are doing the park wrong. I totally ignore my kids at the park – its enough that I have taken them there, I am not entertaining them too. They know that if they approach me at the park while I am drinking coffee or reading a magazine we go home. Game on.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Oh Josie you are GOOD.

  • http://www.kympiez.blogspot.com/ Kymmie

    I think you’ve hit a winner. I think I complain about 100% of these. Clothes pulling. Is there anything more annoying? And my lads ALWAYS ask for playdoh. No way. Never happening. Thanks for being honest. x

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      No worries x

  • http://mrsbcshouseofchaos.blogspot.com.au/ Lisa Barton-Collins

    I agree on all of these, and let me add one more that I believe is boy-centric – GUNS. I hate guns, I always have. My 2 boys love them with a passion, and delight in making stupid gun sounds to accompany them.. I was always the annoying ‘I don’t believe in toy guns’ boring mum, until a few years ago they just wore me down, and now it’s guns all the time. Plastic guns, sticks they pick up that apparently look like guns, spare bits of wood off cuts with a bit of gaffer tape on one end, chopsticks..even toast can be bitten into the shape of a gun. Fuck.
    xx

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I don’t think you are alone with that one Lisa, don’t worry.

  • Tara Lucas

    Amen sister, amen.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      You know it.

  • Liz Poke

    GLITTER! I’m not a mum but 10 minutes with my niece at my kitchen table with her new obsession and I was in melt down mode. Even the bloody dogs are covered in freaking god damned glitter! I hate parks too, so glad I’m not alone.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Glitter is just NEVER going to get in my front door. I refuse it. Although I do like the image of a glittered dog…

  • http://stylemychild.com.au/ Style My Child – Sue

    I agree with everything you listed, particularly the bunk beds. I also have another one to add… sport presentation days! It seems to take forever to get that dust collecting trophy, especially when they hold the Annual General Meeting before it! Snore.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I haven’t been to ONE yet! Sunday afternoon will be my first….wish me luck!

  • http://www.childrensbooksdaily.com/ Megan AKA ChildrensBooksDaily

    Porridge on my clothes. Which looks to others like dried snot on my clothes. I hate it. I really do. And it’s all my two small ferals will eat for breakfast.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Stay strong x

  • Krissie

    Ha ha, everything you said, plus brushing/styling my 3 girls’ hair – HATE it (as do they!).

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      How on EARTH could I have forgotten the brushing of the hair? Perhaps it deserves it’s own post as it is the NUMBER ONE thing we fight about. I hate it. HATE it.

  • Deb

    love +100000000000000000. I swear sometimes its like reading inside my head.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Great minds Deb x

  • Bel

    McDonald toys must never enter my home! They go from the car to the bin. I let the kids eat the plastic food, they cannot keep the plastic toy!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Respect! That’s what all my baskets of crap are filled with. They don’t like the food, but love the toys….

  • Natasha

    My sentiments exactly! Glad to know I’m not the only one in this boat!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Look how NOT alone you are!

  • Kim | Melbourne Mum

    Oh you are JUST like me – I am renowned for my dislike of craft and parks. And balloons. I’m such a parental grinch! Kx

    • Kim | Melbourne Mum

      Oh, yes, and the endless “art” that clogs up our small house. I had a fight with 7 y.o about it on Saturday – the clutter was KILLING me. Thing is, if I’d had the sense to have done it when she was at school, she’d NEVER have noticed that half her sh*t was gone.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I hate balloons too!! BANNED. BANNED I TELL YOU.

  • http://www.yTravelBlog.com/ yTravelBlog

    All of the above is the reason I packed up and hit the road. No bits and pieces of toys anymore and other crap stuffing up our lives. Although we still have playground bleugh and I was only just complaining about making a bunk bed the other night. They seem to have them a bit in cabins and hostels!!

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      With plastic/rubber mattresses! I have been loving watch your adventure Caz x

  • http://www.gomumma.blogspot.com/ Ashley Carr

    Oh my GOD the playground… hate HATE!!

  • Sam

    My 5 yo daughter’s favourite way to start a sentence these days is “Mum, you pretend….”- and I just want to run into another room and hide. “Mum, you pretend I’m the teacher….”, ” Mum, you pretend you’re my big sister….”, “Mum, you pretend to be my pet dog”… And it goes on and on ALL day long.

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