January Schmanuary

There’s something about January isn’t there? So much expectation placed on one little month. A month that can be filled with pure, simple good times – a perfect prawn sandwich that pops with salty deliciousness in your mouth, or a swim at the beach after 7pm at night and a month that can be filled with regrets, broken promises, realisations that things haven’t changed, and feeling overwhelmed.

Resolutions being broken already.
Motivation being lost.
Lack of normal routines.

I always get myself into a pickle in January. I did here see? And then again here. It’s like a case of the Sunday night blues – but 10 times worse. At least I am predictable in my yearly moods. My mind just seems to get in the way, and then come February, it’s back to business and I’m good. Or better at least.

Did you know that January is the highest month for divorce? I didn’t. Rob told me that last week and I guess it makes sense. People that were unhappy in December getting distracted with family and Christmas and holidays and thinking that maybe things would be different in January and then, what do you know? They are the same. Doing one last happy holiday for the kids perhaps?

A very good friend of mine has just had her marriage fall apart. It’s been a big, horrible, messy, awful mess. It’s bought up all kinds of things for me that I prefer to keep down around my toes, but instead it’s been in my heavy, soggy heart and always at the front of my over thinking mind. And I’ve been sad, so sad, to see it unfold. To be reminded that even though I feel most of the time not like one, I’m an adult now. Dealing with adult stuff. That we have children that are affected by our actions now, and that what happens now shapes the way our children think about important stuff like relationships and trust and other big life things for the rest of their lives. It’s a bit scary to think about isn’t it? While I have a job to feed, clean, educate and love my children that most of all, all I have to be is an example. Of being a good person. Of loving others and being loved.Of working hard. Of giving to people that don’t have as much as we do.

This morning I went for a run and the app on my phone wasn’t working and I almost convinced myself that I shouldn’t go because if it’s not recorded, then it didn’t happen right? If I don’t instagram that meal, we didn’t have it. If I don’t blog about something, then it never really happened. But I thought “fuck it” and I went anyway. And those 6km’s do count, because they happened, even if my phone tells me they didn’t. The sweat happened. The stupid games my mind played happened. The music that I listened to that touched me, spurred me on happened. And I went and did it, and now it’s done. Daisy looked at me when I came in the door a sweaty mess and said “wow Mum, well done, I love you” and I realised that maybe I’m doing OK right now after all.

And that’s all I really need to worry about. And focus on. This stupid January, and the rest of the year.

Every time this song comes on when I’m off on a run it puts a spring in my step. It’s good to run to for whatever reason. And I should probably make some kind of insightful remark that would connect this song and it’s lyrics to the rest of the post, but I’ve got nothing, even though I’m certain that there is indeed something there. I like it. That’s enough.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10208633197266540403 Maryandlil

    A beautiful post. Here’s to a great year yes?! Xx

  • Anonymous

    Wow what a great post. It really hit home for me. My marriage had been very rocky a few months in the lead up to Christmas. Then everything seemed ok. The focus was on the children and we were busy. Then wham! January 2nd came and we are right back to square one. It will get better thou. I am damn sure Im not going to give up. Thank You Beth. I hope the rest of January is good too you. Sarah

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05280632930386464253 kell

    Went to the gym this morning too even though I really didn’t want to, so well done you too. Love this song and its fantastic video. Keep running Beth xx

  • http://thefifowife.com.au/ debbie

    Great post xD

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06814843842853806511 Lisa

    That song is my “happy” song, it reminds me that everything is going to be a-ok, not sure why though. How beautiful that Daisy gave you such wonderful words of encouragement. Go you. And yes, they do count!
    xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17317677066408030053 Faux Fuchsia

    I ended my marriage in January.

    Fresh year fresh beginnings.

    And there was no way in hell I was ever going to have a Christmas like THAT again.

    Divorce sucks but staying unhappily married is 1 million times worse.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02190695242707409677 Nikki @ Styling You

      Snap, FF … I did same in January 11 years ago.

  • Megan

    Love this. You are so open hearted.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17646925050489695536 Mother Down Under

    Isn’t it amazing what some exercise, some music or better yet a smile from a child can do for your state of mind?

    January is almost over.
    I agree it is a month full of contradictions.
    I am ready to get on with the real 2013.

  • Anonymous

    MY parents separated on Boxing Day 1988. What pricks. I am not sure if they have ever thought about how the makes me feel, even 25 years on.

    Most christmases I get on with the job of being jolly and happy. But this one I just couldn’t. I thought about that day before. How my Mum kissed my Dad when her bought her a walkman. How we all seemed so “happy”.

    My marriage is so far from perfect – but most of the time it is good. But we are committed to us and our children… Like you January has been a long and bloody hard slog. I am looking forward to Feb 1 – to let it all go. To stop having to pretend I had a fabulous Christmas!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00249766510078357225 Mimsie

    I guess I have to like January as that is when I celebrate my birth. Great post.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03395454257023289058 SarahMac

    Great post Beth. Yes January is exactly as you say. It makes me think about the decisions I thought I would have made, and that I haven’t made them yet. And yes, I find being a grown up freaking hard sometimes.

  • Anonymous

    Great post – January is exhausting each and every year. But knowing that February is almost upon us, that we have survived January with all it’s highs and lows has given me the edge I needed this week. Thank you for your honesty as always.

  • Anonymous

    I love this post Beth.
    I love January, the freedom, the sand, little cooking and cleaning on my part and I have also seen the other side you describe with friends that hung in there over Christmas, it really throws you and I keep reminding myself that I have get real and support them and the kids and not wallow

    Yay for school being back soon and routine and back to the gym to stretch everything

  • http://www.woogsworld.com/ Mrs Woog

    I hate February. Thank god it is so short x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07507983700822758509 Diary of a jazz widow

    Love this post

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09334181966209041832 Corinne – Daze of My Life

    I’m with Mrs Woog, I hate February. The year stretching out a head I think, “didn’t I just finish this?” the comedown after the holidays, urgh!

    Thankfully there’s a different feel here. I feel like I’m halfway through the year because I kinda am. X

  • Tory

    This post really resonated with me, too. Next week is 6 years since my ex husband and I separated. We almost split the weekend before my birthday, and decided firmly the weekend after (my birthday is this week). The new year is a time of reflection, and after the madness and pressure of year-end festivities, it can hit hard. I feel for your friend, and I am aware how a split in a friend’s relationship can cause you to examine your own – all relationships have their moments, everyone says a long relationship requires work. 6 years on, I will celebrate my ‘non-iversary’ next week with a big sigh – of relief, of a touch of regret at choices made over 20 years, and of pleasure at how it has turned out so far. So much to continue to look forward to. Tell me, when do we really grow up?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07732623384511673618 Palaeontologist Mum with Babies

    You can add the kms you ran or route you took and thus distance and time manually on run keeper. That’s what I do when it fails to work for some reason or another. But I hate when it happens and like you, feel as if perhaps I really did not run as much. Just saying… But I am sure you have clued in this already. Good luck with the running, I need to be motivated to run more in January too.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00463206542148286066 Greer

    I’m nodding.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339 Hope’s Mama

    My parents split in January. I can see why it must be a common month. Thanks for writing this. All of a sudden feel a bit lighter and less alone. This month is kicking my ass. We just came back from the last of our holidays and we’ve milked this month for all we could (like you did) and now I’m flat. The big one starts three year old kinder on Thursday and I really don’t think he or I are ready, but I guess we’ll get through it. Won’t we? It has been such a long road for me to get to this point, finally severing the umbilical cord with a blunt knife. Just feel like it is all piling up on me now. Ugh.
    Hang in there. Shall try and do the same.
    xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13151973819133926868 Mama of 2 boys

    Oooo yes yes, so much of this makes sense to me lady. And by god I have been thinking similarly about the recording of events/moments etc… too. With facebook and blogging and iPhone/iPad apps and all the rest of it, sometimes it does feel as though everything we do is done to be put on show or acknowledged or even validated, maybe?? Again, I probably read too much into it all and think about things way too much, but I do get the pressure of it AND the pressure of a New Year and all it’s expectations.
    One of my brothers and sister-in-law separated just before Christmas and it has shocked the daylights out of me. Our family has been through this kind of thing before, but somehow I didn’t see this one coming. 3 young children and almost 16 years of marriage. Just so sad.
    Great work with the run, keeping up regular exercise is one of the hardest things ever, once you have children xoxo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12350334018102414918 Unknown

    I can so relate, I hate January too. Running a not for profit means January is a pain as none of our clients book any workshops in January and we don’t get paid. But, the good news this year is I started a new job 2 days a week, which means getting paid in Jan for the first time in years!

  • Anonymous

    What a post it has resonated. With many. I liked it! Keep running. Mightly impressed at you I am!!! (hope your daughter has a good week at schoo, as I drove to Yr 2 & Prep todayI felt even as I drove a weight shift off my shoulders as routine & destination School approached)