Checking out. Picking up. Dropping off.

I can’t try and explain what these past two weeks have been for me. I have had the most amazing time, better than I even thought it could be. I’ve soaked up every minute, lived and breathed in every second and created memories that I know will flash before my eyes when I die. I’ve laughed until I cried, I’ve cried (ohmyGODIhavecried), I’ve thought deeply about so much stuff, I’ve fallen in love with my husband all over again and I’ve missed my kids so much so that my heart hurt.

It’s been so nice to blog my way through the weeks. I wanted to capture the moments and the feelings that went with them, right when they happened along the way so they were caught. Locked into my laptop and blog so I can go back to them whenever I want when I want to go back. They were never for you guys, just for me, but it was so nice to have you there along the way – keeping me company when I couldn’t sleep, cheering up your shitty day and every single like, or comment, or email made it all the more special for me. Thank you for them.

I’ve picked up some stuff these weeks. And not just the extra 21.4 kilos of luggage I have come back with. Yep, 21.4 kilos. What of it? I’ve got me some new style. Not just my new eyebrows and make up that I now know what to do with and shorts I wear with HEELS, but more than that. A confidence in me, in my style, how I want to look, how I want people to see me as. It’s funny that it’s taken me almost 35 years to be happy in my own skin and I know that that confidence is only going to develop further in the next 35+ years of my life. Jesus women spend some time beating themselves up about their appearances (me being no exception) and now I look back at the chick in the mirror, with all her stretchies and cellulite and more wrinkles than I ever had before and I see this beautiful, young woman looking back at me. With legs to boot! And some cool motherfucking raybans.

My soul has been filled with artwork and food and drinks and memories. Laughter so loud and full and happiness that has just filled every little inch of my body. I’m ready to give again, like we do as wives and partners and Mum’s. I’m filled up with stuff that makes me happy, filled to the brim and I can’t wait to share some of that with all the people I love in my life.

There’s some shit that has been left behind too. Left on a park bench, or in a cab, or on the seat of a diner. Shit that I carry around with me. That I’ve carried around with me for the past 15 years. Shit that gets in my way, hangs around my neck, jumps on my shoulder and whispers in my ear and stops me from reaching my full potential. Things like self doubt, and lack of confidence, and guilt and regret. I don’t need that stuff anymore. It gets in my way and it’s stopping me from being the amazing person I have the potential to be. And I’m not taking it home with me. The last of it is in the back seat of Percy’s black Cadillac where I cried and cried on my way to the airport while my friend sat and rubbed my back. It’s gone.

I need to thank my wonderful husband and girls for this opportunity to do this. For beautiful Rob who just let me go and book a ticket and go “why the fuck NOT?”. For his amazing job looking after everything so well, so well that I didn’t even have to worry about them all. For Grandma’s that helped out and for Father in law’s who made my trip so special. Thank you guys.

How about those work colleagues of mine? Those Remarkables. Say what you will about us, and I know that you do, these are 5 amazingly talented writers and women all clever and smart and special in their own ways and I am thrilled that I get to stand alongside them. I was so proud to be there with you all. REPRESENTIN’. That Lorraine? I admire her business savvy so much. She is so smart and successful I only wish for all of her dreams to come true. Because they will. And now for my friend Mrs Woog. I can’t EVEN. We’ve had some fun together and forged a friendship so strong that I know it will be for life. It just will be. We’ll travel again together to this fine town, it might be in 10 or 30 years time but we will. Of that I have no doubts. We have laughed and cried together and snuggled and shared and danced and smoked and not one time did we get cranky with each other. Maybe she is the one person I could do the Amazing Race with?

New York.

I’m going to miss your friendly people. Your hot pavements. Your stinky cabs and your pressing humidity. Your thin straws and your fountain cola with so much ice and free refills. Your galleries. Your shopping and your cheap pedi’s & mani’s. Your pizza. And hot dogs. Thank you for being everything thing I thought you would be. Plus tax.

I’ll see you again soon. I just know it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02475155333546477042 Jane

    Wow. I am thrilled to bits for you Beth. Nothing better than a new city to reenergise and give you perspective. It does indeed help you forget all the trivial crap we carry around with us, sometimes without realising. And shorts with heels? Yes. xo

  • http://carlyfindlay.com/ Carly Findlay

    I loved reading this. Love how your life has changed thanks to New York. Beautiful words Beth. And I’m glad I could spend some of those life changing days with you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11556843852780239036 Cat

    So happy for you x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17317677066408030053 Faux Fuchsia

    Sounds like you needed this trip.

    Well done re the shorts and heels combo- I’ve been on that bandwagon for a while.

    I never do guilt, I mean whose got the time?

    Meanwhile sounds like you are ready a la Oprah to start living your best life.

    Enjoy it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10538993178188989025 Jodie aka Mummaducka’sKaos

    Oh Beth, I am so happy for you.
    Um Mrs Woog in the amazing race?? Now that would be fun to see!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17315306897011205854 Miss Mandy

    Thanks for your lovely posts along the way. They were gorgeous, every single one of them.
    As for the remarkables. I admire you guys, believe you’ve all earn’t the right to be where you are, working with a manager who clearly knows her shit. I look forward to learning a lot from that.

  • http://blog.scissorspaperrockdesigns.com.au/ Claire Chadwick @ Scissors Paper Rock

    Wow! What a trip, and what a powerful post!
    This trip was so much more than just heading to a blogging conference! I’m happy for you Beth. I don’t know you {in person that is} but I’m happy for you!
    NYC is such a magical place. Changes people!
    x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02088257801400843909 pip lincolne

    Like. BIG like! xx

  • http://bluebirdsandseashells.com/ Shelley

    So good to read in words just how much this trip has done for you, in every possible way. The pictures of you really tell the story, you can just SEE how confident and self assured you have been. And so you should be. You’ve worked bloody hard for it. x

  • Megan

    Crying. Another beautiful post. X

  • Anonymous

    I have loved everything you have written. Its been such a joy to travel with you to my favourite city and all your adventures. How lucky to be with Mrs Woog too!
    Thank you.
    Onwards with all your sassy stuff from NYC, mostly the stuff in your head that you bring back.
    Congrats and thanks again, loved it all.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18254275544017629129 bigwords is…

    I cried reading your post Beth because I so wish I could have left some of my stuff in the back of a NYC cab or a Central Park bench. I need time to fill up with the happy so I can give again too. What an amazing adventure and life changing time you had. Brilliant, every step of it. And soon you’re going to have all those arms wrapped around you giving you the biggest kisses. Bliss xx

  • http://www.moodiefoodie.com.au/ Jay – The Moodie Foodie

    GOD I loved this post! How many of us are still carrying around all that crap that you’ve left behind….. Perhaps we all need a trip xox

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05195209947252107326 Eleanor

    Bravo!
    And NYC will miss you too I’m sure!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03283618400442819761 Sonia LifeLoveandHiccups

    I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed following your trip Beth. I know it was for you, but thank you so so much for the privelage of being able to be a part of it by you sharing your adventure. You are one awesome chick and I am so glad you left that baggage behind. xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10719163569308739697 Iliska Dreams

    Beautiful post

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09292245808330934955 Jayne

    Best goodbye post Beth! So glad NYC was everything you has hoped for and more … The way you experienced it sounds like the only way and it is definitely somewhere I want to visit even more now. Enjoy seeing Rob and the girls!
    Xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17598892582207477663 Peggy

    What beautiful memories, your friendship with both Mrs Woog and NY sound just lovely. And how wonderful is that husband of yours, LOVE HIM!

    Welcome home Beth. xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026987107815016616 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle

    What a beautiful read.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02190695242707409677 Nikki @ Styling You

    I’m sitting here in my apartment waiting for my boys to arrive. I am pensive. Love your guts Beverley x

  • Anonymous

    Beth, I have absolutely loved every minute of your amazing trip to New York. I am new to your bog and haven’t commented before..been lurking for a while, reading past posts. It has been my favorite, can’t put down book..and best bit..I can keep on reading as long as you keep on posting. So please never stop!
    It has been great sharing the experience with you and hearing how you have learned so much about yourself and what is important. I think traveling does that to us all if we listen to our hearts. Welcome home to Australia and thanks for sharing the laughter, tears and joy… Annie M.
    p.s.I cried a lot with you too and especially when I read Rob’s comment about a photo of you..enjoy that love, it is precious!

  • Anonymous

    Oops that should read..I love your blog..sorry! And sorry about the verbal diarrhoea..I am a sufferer. Annie M

  • http://www.abeachcottage.com/ Sarah abeachcottage

    you rock lovely girl

    I got to where you are at a few years ago as I bored you with in the restaurant last night…you beat me by 5 years, lap it up with all you’ve got…

    S

    p.s. you are one talented chickie, believe that xx

    p.p.s I REALLY hope you are doing those chakras after all that $$$$

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14055604277114897438 Dee

    LOVE this post.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16918091170830832121 Lydia

    Hi Beth,
    I just wanted to say that i have really enjoyed going on this journey with you. It brought back all great memories of when I was in NY…. made me reminisce and miss NY all over again! What an amazing experience you have had…. it feels so powerful doesn’t it!! leaving all that baggage behind.. like you can conquer the world! I look forward to reading the TRANSFORMED POST NYC BabyMac!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339 Hope’s Mama

    So happy for you. Xo

  • Anonymous

    It warms my heart to hear of your friendship with Mrs Woog. So lovely to have friends like that! Enjoy your reunion with your beautiful family.

  • http://www.whatsarahdidnext.com/ What Sarah Did Next

    Thanks for sharing it all, Beth. I think NYC will miss you and Mrs Woog. I’ve loved every photo and every story, inspiring and re-energising with each moment. NYC seems to do that to people, doesn’t it? It’s definitely on my must visit list for that very reason!

    Have a safe trip home – enjoy the reunion with your beautiful family xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04215161182830545561 Reannon Hope

    Beautif post Beth. It made a lump in my throat & my go watery. So glad that you & Mrs Woog are coming back home fresh & new because that’s important.

    Quick question- do you call her Mrs Woog or do you know get REAL name?? ;)

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04215161182830545561 Reannon Hope

      ” her” not ” get”!!!

  • Anonymous

    Beth I have followed your journey through NY and have laughed, cried and imagined with you! Thank you and thank you especially for this post it has given me the inspiration to do something for myself! Safe travels home x Ilana

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07503841496399417535 Carli (Tiny Savages)

    I loved that you cried over artwork and I loved that you and Mrs Woog shared your friendship with us. Glad you left that baggage behind.

  • http://mum-abulous.com/ mumabulous

    So it took you 35 years to become comfortable in your own skin? Lady that is record time. It took me 41. Life is about what you do and look how much you’ve packed into the last few years. This New York adventure is the icing on the cake. May your reunion with Rob be happy indeed.
    [email protected]

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13784372242874393821 GSP

    I. Can’t. Even.

    Probably my favouritest of your posts ever. Supreme. With the lot.

    What you say here is what my husband tries to tell me on an almost, daily basis.

    I try so hard to please all those around me, (work, husband, kids, parents, clients…etc. etc) there is barely anything left – ever – for me.

    My beautiful, smart, clever husband knows that I need what you’ve just experienced. I hear him. I just don’t know how to let go of the stuff and just do it. How?

    Your words have helped.

    I hope I find the courage, soon, to do it too.

    Love your guts Beth.

    Gab x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09651116248452404269 Lipgloss Mumma

    Tears and goosebumps. That is all I have to say. xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15645948528323433452 Averil

    Good for you! Have loved every one of these posts! By the way it’s Freezing here so no shorts and heels for a little while, mores the pity.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09496111373121294660 Carmel’s Closet

    Oh Beth – I knew you would love New York – and you did. And now you are making me cry – so I’m off to pick up with red eyes – yeh, thanks for that.
    Enjoy your reunion with your family. More tears I’m sure.
    Carmel
    x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02934676091165812280 Vaishali K

    This just so wonderful.. Thanks for taking us on free ride to the Big Apple city. We enjoyed it so much with you, it’s sad that it is coming to an end now.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03650644903866583881 Jo

    I love this post. Love that you’ve seen the Beth we’ve all seen since we came across your blog. Looking forward to the styling posts…can Bev be a fashionista?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10572655235834805844 Peaches & Maple

    Hiya Beth. I’ve just finished reading all your NYC posts and after reading this one I have actual tears happening! Everything you’ve written is so beautiful and real and joyful that I feel like I’ve been along on the journey with you. You are a seriously classy lady.
    Cas x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06911678503912496884 Donna

    A stunning final post of such a stunning trip – thank you for the privilege of being able to come along for the ride! I’ll be having NYC withdrawals right along side you both x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09587747846605834094 AllyL

    Loving your gratitude. Great post.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17646925050489695536 Mother Down Under

    I love this post…as I have loved all of the NYC posts.
    Thank you again for taking us all on the trip of a lifetime!

    I cannot wait for my own version of this trip…I think I am still a few years away from being able to venture forth on my own and rid myself of all those things that I know I need to just drop by the wayside.
    I too need a refill on happiness so I can keep doling it out to those around me.

    And I a tearing up just thinking about you reunited with Rob and your girls.
    Welcome home!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13151973819133926868 Mama of 2 boys

    What a great post and totally fitting tribute to round of this spectacular adventure lady. I have read every single word and it has filled me with so much inspiration and smiles. You have made ME fall in love with the idea of hitting up New York one day… and I have never travelled, anywhere really.
    You are most certainly an advocate for dreams coming true. So happy to hear this experience has been a cleansing one for you in many ways. You deserve to grab that potential with both hands and run with it. I’m sure you will. Safe travels homeward bound xoxo

  • Anonymous

    have loved reading your NYC adventures, but please, can you learn how to use apostrophes?

  • Hobnobing

    It’s powerful stuff you write, Beth. You wouldn’t know as I am more of a lurker than a commenter, but I have made some real changes in my life recently, with some of your posts giving me the impetus I needed to jump with no safety rope. Great to hear all your stories – I feel like I have been there too in some ways. Keep on rockin !

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07189192073489440981 tea with lucy

    This post is just so ALIVE! I love it!

    I’m feeling this power of being nearly 35 so much at the moment. What a fantastic thing it is to shed all that stuff and feel free just to be who we are.

    …. and you’ve given me such a hankering for a little manhattan holiday. we’ve been twice before and your posts have brought back all the happy memories.

    safe travels home.

    rachel xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01556432714220385619 Amelia {Weddings, Babies… Everything}

    Wow. Just wow. I am so happy for you. You deserve that confidence as you are fantastic!
    I have loved these New York posts. They have made me even more determined to get there.
    Enjoy being back with your family. And those wonderful first cuddles with your babies xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11937511046069347576 edenland

    Wow. I don’t believe you truly know how extraordinary you are, and man I’m so glad I get to be your friend and watch as you find out.

    POWER.

    New York says hi, she was so sad you left that she rained bucket loads as a fitting farewell. I’ll leave you with a very famous saying – “May the sting of the tuckshop roster propel you to plan your next amazing adventure.”

    QUADRANT TORLET NESTLED.

    XXXXXXX

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03108216621628520756 Farmers Wifey

    omg girl, that first paragraph gave me the shivers….how wonderful it has been seeing New York through your eyes, THANK YOU for sharing…I’ve loved every minute of it xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15488130900878712926 Madam Griff

    Hi Beth. I have loved living vicariously through you. You have prompted me to plan my own little adventure to revitalize and get some perspective. I have laughed and cried along with you. Your blog is gorgeous, please never stop writing!! X

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02118327945044057684 Leigh Robshaw

    Beautiful post, so heartfelt and raw. Great to meet you at BlogHer, if only for a brief moment on the dance floor. You and the other Aussie bloggers rock! All the best, leigh

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02118327945044057684 Leigh Robshaw

    Beautiful post, so heartfelt and raw. Great to meet you at BlogHer, if only for a brief moment on the dance floor. You and the other Aussie bloggers rock! All the best, leigh

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14051966224299058176 clare

    Fantastic post, it has all been said above. In tears. Can’t wait to continue the journey with you through your blog.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15742167397662346566 Corrie

    awww what a gorgeous post! I have been living through your trip since i couldn’t be there this year and so glad you shopped it up! I love that you had the best roomie and travel buddy, it’s a real show of friendship that you still love each other have all that time together with each other

    we expect more posts, a full debrief and new outfit pics but just hug those girls and that hubby of yours.

    I’m already getting excited about chicago next year but a little miffed it’s not NYC! and when I went to NY I couldn’t get over how friendly everyone was there and other americans would say OMG if you think new yorkers are friendly then you should get our of NYC because apparently they are more friendly!!!!!

    rest up and thanks for sharing it all with us back home
    Corrie:)

  • Lauren

    Thanks so much for sharing your fabulous trip- you’ve just taken me away on a mind-holiday- LOVED IT!!! So glad you had a wonderful time. I just adore your blog. Thanks so much for being you, it brings a smile to my face every day. xoxo :-)

  • http://www.randomactsofzen.com/ Lisa@RandomActsOfZen

    I feel so priveliged to have shared this very private journey. You have reached a lot of hearts Beth….just thank you xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18079840104692622017 Bel

    Aw Beth, thanks for taking us with you and sharing your journey!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09590226979923574727 Louisa

    oh my GAWD, I’m a blubbering mess! This is the most beautiful, and touching post. So beautiful, seriously I cant see what the hell I’m typing. Sincere thanks for laying your heart out here, and speaking so honestly, sharing so much with us. I feel privileged to read each and every post. I too am so energised, and refreshed from your trip, your exciting adventure. I feel like I have experienced with with you, Mrs Woog, Nikki and Jane. I have made a little promise to myself that I too will have a similar adventure to NYC for BlogHer14. My folks and brother are headed to NYC in a few weeks, together with most of my extended family, almost my entire fam are in the pub game and heading over for a conference. {Shhh, yes I’m seething, just a little bit} but I know I will get back there on my own steam, through my blogging adventure. Thank you for igniting the burning desire to start this crazy adventure, I have never been happier or more content.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07422068499429667636 Posie Patchwork

    You sound like a new woman, congratulations, a holiday has been as good as a change – they don’t say it that way around do they?? You sound so light, happy & free, fantastic!! Love Posie

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16557949399382919206 Lulu froufrou

    What an excellent adventure its been – Thank you for letting us share the ride xx

  • http://daisyandzelda.wordpress.com/ daisyandzelda

    I got an overwhelming sense of … SOMETHING reading this post. On reflection I think it’s the pleasing harmony of the match: such lovely blessings being bestowed on such a lovely person.
    And there’s a very tantalising sense of ‘ooh, where does the story go from here …?’ x Daisy

  • http://www.raisingmastermax.com/ Cherie @ raising master Max

    Beth,

    This is seriously beautiful to read, & inspiring!

    I want to stop looking in the mirror & picking my ugliness to pieces.

    We women, we really are a silly bunch when it comes to self esteem.

    I am just so happy for you, & your tales of New York were some of my fave.

    P.S Michelle Williams aint’ got nothin’ on you ;)

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