I can’t try and explain what these past two weeks have been for me. I have had the most amazing time, better than I even thought it could be. I’ve soaked up every minute, lived and breathed in every second and created memories that I know will flash before my eyes when I die. I’ve laughed until I cried, I’ve cried (ohmyGODIhavecried), I’ve thought deeply about so much stuff, I’ve fallen in love with my husband all over again and I’ve missed my kids so much so that my heart hurt.
It’s been so nice to blog my way through the weeks. I wanted to capture the moments and the feelings that went with them, right when they happened along the way so they were caught. Locked into my laptop and blog so I can go back to them whenever I want when I want to go back. They were never for you guys, just for me, but it was so nice to have you there along the way – keeping me company when I couldn’t sleep, cheering up your shitty day and every single like, or comment, or email made it all the more special for me. Thank you for them.
I’ve picked up some stuff these weeks. And not just the extra 21.4 kilos of luggage I have come back with. Yep, 21.4 kilos. What of it? I’ve got me some new style. Not just my new eyebrows and make up that I now know what to do with and shorts I wear with HEELS, but more than that. A confidence in me, in my style, how I want to look, how I want people to see me as. It’s funny that it’s taken me almost 35 years to be happy in my own skin and I know that that confidence is only going to develop further in the next 35+ years of my life. Jesus women spend some time beating themselves up about their appearances (me being no exception) and now I look back at the chick in the mirror, with all her stretchies and cellulite and more wrinkles than I ever had before and I see this beautiful, young woman looking back at me. With legs to boot! And some cool motherfucking raybans.
My soul has been filled with artwork and food and drinks and memories. Laughter so loud and full and happiness that has just filled every little inch of my body. I’m ready to give again, like we do as wives and partners and Mum’s. I’m filled up with stuff that makes me happy, filled to the brim and I can’t wait to share some of that with all the people I love in my life.
There’s some shit that has been left behind too. Left on a park bench, or in a cab, or on the seat of a diner. Shit that I carry around with me. That I’ve carried around with me for the past 15 years. Shit that gets in my way, hangs around my neck, jumps on my shoulder and whispers in my ear and stops me from reaching my full potential. Things like self doubt, and lack of confidence, and guilt and regret. I don’t need that stuff anymore. It gets in my way and it’s stopping me from being the amazing person I have the potential to be. And I’m not taking it home with me. The last of it is in the back seat of Percy’s black Cadillac where I cried and cried on my way to the airport while my friend sat and rubbed my back. It’s gone.
I need to thank my wonderful husband and girls for this opportunity to do this. For beautiful Rob who just let me go and book a ticket and go “why the fuck NOT?”. For his amazing job looking after everything so well, so well that I didn’t even have to worry about them all. For Grandma’s that helped out and for Father in law’s who made my trip so special. Thank you guys.
How about those work colleagues of mine? Those Remarkables. Say what you will about us, and I know that you do, these are 5 amazingly talented writers and women all clever and smart and special in their own ways and I am thrilled that I get to stand alongside them. I was so proud to be there with you all. REPRESENTIN’. That Lorraine? I admire her business savvy so much. She is so smart and successful I only wish for all of her dreams to come true. Because they will. And now for my friend Mrs Woog. I can’t EVEN. We’ve had some fun together and forged a friendship so strong that I know it will be for life. It just will be. We’ll travel again together to this fine town, it might be in 10 or 30 years time but we will. Of that I have no doubts. We have laughed and cried together and snuggled and shared and danced and smoked and not one time did we get cranky with each other. Maybe she is the one person I could do the Amazing Race with?
I’m going to miss your friendly people. Your hot pavements. Your stinky cabs and your pressing humidity. Your thin straws and your fountain cola with so much ice and free refills. Your galleries. Your shopping and your cheap pedi’s & mani’s. Your pizza. And hot dogs. Thank you for being everything thing I thought you would be. Plus tax.
I’ll see you again soon. I just know it.