On comfort

On Saturday Rob and I spent the latter part of the day on ‘no speakies’. It was over a stupid thing – I got cranky at him, then he in turn got cranky at me and then I was cranky at him being cranky at me! I mean HOW DARE HE! I eventually decided to be indignant, because we had no plans and were home with nothing else to do and so ‘no speakies’ ensued. The girls went to bed and we practically ignored each other which was SO stupid, but you know when you are so far down something that you just have to commit? And when neither are willing to move from their position? It was ridiculous. And irritating and a waste of precious time together with no plans that we rarely have.

That business was shut down a little while later when my sister called to tell me that her beautiful husband was in hospital and she had suffered a terrible fright and ordeal. Yesterday I hightailed it up to the hospital to see them both – he is fine now – just to be there and distract them with conversation and banter, chocolates and coffee.We left him at the hospital last night and went back to her place where I whipped up a comfort frenzy – cooking a much-loved family favourite from when we were little to make her (and me) feel better. Some chicken parmigiana, roast potatoes, some green beans with slivered almonds and a big old glass of wine on the side. We ate on our laps, sitting on the couch watching the crappiest romantic comedy we could find on Apple TV.

Now I NEVER watch these kind of movies. Mostly because they irritate me and most definitely Rob but we watched The Holiday and packed down for some comfort and distraction. The film was filled with beautiful people, people places, beautiful clothes beautiful Nancy Meyers interiors and lamps and soft furnishings. Look! See? So soothing.

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Soothing…but just a set. You know they built the entire cottage for that movie? The whole thing. See? Fake.

The silly film with the beautiful people and the silly plot lines and pretty everything was PERFECT though. PERFECT. We laughed and cried and I wondered just why it is that I don’t watch these silly films more. Sometimes you just need a little pretty and silly don’t you think? While life and love isn’t actually about people dancing around a room together with new mixed families happily together and in love, and while snow doesn’t always fall on Christmas Eve, or the girl doesn’t always run back to the guy. Sometimes it IS. Sometimes it can be. And even if it’s not, it’s nice to pretend for a while isn’t it?

Our wedding days sometimes are a bit like those rom coms. Pretty. Filled with pretty and love and promise. And then your marriage that follows can be the reality – that like the sets in those movies that look the part for the day and the time, they get pulled down after time. The wedding day can only last so long. I spoke at my sister & brother in law’s wedding about what I knew about marriage. About it not being about a wedding day, but about all the other stuff that follows.

Mostly for all of us married life and love is messy and sometimes scary as hell. It’s irritating and stupid fights over nothing, not having enough sex, being overtired and short-tempered with each other. It’s being there for each other when we are scared or sad, or saving someone’s life. Being there when they are sick. Just being there.

I’m so glad that my brother-in-law is OK. I’m sorry that my darling sister got the fright of her life. I’m sorry that I held a grudge over something stupid with Rob and I am glad we got to escape it all for a few hours over the pretty movie whilst eating some delicious comfort food. Marriage is messy and complicated and scary and wonderful and we are blessed that we can experience it with people that we love.

Today I’m grateful for all that.

  • Nicole Jackson

    This is all so very true Beth! Firstly I am glad your brother in law is fine :)
    But secondly, what you’ve said about marriage is just so right and resonating with me loads right now. So often we fight with our “significant other” – in my case, my husband – over the most petty, ridiculous things and we forget that sometimes just a hug would solve it and we could move on and get over whatever it was. I love rom-coms because they remind me that I’m one of the lucky ones who has found true love and that even though the reality may be tough, there are still lots of fluffy, lovey-dovey, happy moments to be shared xx

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      There are indeed x

  • mogantosh

    Beautiful post Beth. All the best to your brother in law. x

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Thank you!

  • Lisa Mckenzie

    All so very true Beth I don’t know why we do that ,carry grudges and not speak to each other,But you are right a marriage is all those things ,and after being married for 28 years it is a comfortable kind of love ,but we are here for each other through the easy and hard times.
    I am so glad your brother in law is OK and you were there for your Sis ,that is what families do xx

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      It sure is Lisa, thanks x

  • Polly McDougall

    Well said Beth! I’m about six parts terrified to three parts excited about having a baby next year and one of the biggest niggling worries is what will it do to our relationship. Surely there’s a whole new level of ups, downs and inside outs waiting for us just around the corner but will we be open and honest enough with each other to make it through. Jeepers. But it’s important to enjoy the journey too right?

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      You bet! It will make you guys all the better for it – promise!

  • http://www.cottonandwood.com/ cottonwoodstyle

    Very very glad to hear your brother-in-law is okay. Not nice to go through scares but it does often remind us what’s important. I am obsessed with Nancy Meyers and her movies for just the reasons you described. All her films make you feel good, laugh, and oogle over the gorgeous interiors and architecture. I watched It’s Complicated yesterday (3rd time this month and probably the 40th time since it was released …see, obsessed!), purely because I love the house, her Bakery (I wish we had one like this in Bowral) and her INCREDIBLE vege garden! Nicki x

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Have you googled her house? Amazing!

      • http://www.cottonandwood.com/ cottonwoodstyle

        I haven’t. Clearly I’m the laziest obsessed person! But you can bet I’m googling it now…

  • Miriam

    That parmi looks delicious! Thank God for sisters. So glad your brother-in-law is on the mend.
    Arguments are inevitable with marriage and healthy. Best part is you get to make up afterwards *wink wink*

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Ha!

  • Rosie

    Beautiful post. You are wise beyond your years Beth.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Thanks Rosie – that’s a lovely compliment to get x

  • http://www.countrylifeexperiment.com/ JoCountrylifeexperiment

    Frivolous aside… The movie the Holiday is possibly the crappiest ever, but I watch it at least once a year because we lived in that little English village for a few months years ago. We were there for Christmas and it was as beautiful as in the movie, but there was no Jude Law or Kate Winslet running around.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I can imagine how perfect it was/is…loved that place!

      • Lucinda Terry

        My sister & I watched that movie together too… It was the night before HER wedding. You’re right, it’s a pretty crap movie but I have such fond memories of it… Snuggling up on her couch before her big day. xx

  • stinkb0mb

    I’m so glad your brother in law is on the mend, I can only imagine how your sister felt, I hope she’s ok too.

    Guv and I have been married today for 13 years. Ours was a whirlwind romance – met over the net, engaged within 3 weeks of dating, married 11 months after our first conversation on the net. We’ve been on a rollercoaster during our marriage, we’ve had so much thrown at us, especially when we first go together when most of his family told us that we’d never last [big f@!k you to them I now say] but here we are 14 years [13 married] later, still together and more in love than ever. We’re in a much better place now than in any other point of our marriage, mainly because of what we’ve been through – life could throw anything at us now and we’d get through it. And even though, after all these years, no matter how much we want it to be 3, it’s still just us two, we know we’re beyond lucky to have each other.

    And THAT’S what marriage is, a partnership, unwavering in it’s support for the other, it’s being able to have those petty little fights or even humdinger fights [we've had our fair share of those believe me!], work through it and come out the other side.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Happy anniversary!

    • http://www.stylingyou.com.au/ Nikki | Styling You

      Happy anniversary!

  • http://shamozal.blogspot.com Kirsty Rice 4kids20suitcases

    In the middle of one of our no speakies I began to write a blog post, it began with something like “G is a passive aggressive arsehole”. I then decided to wait for a day before I posted it :-)

    I hate no speakies, hate it. I need to talk/yell/debate – just get it sorted and move on. I actually think G may enjoy the silence of no speakies.

    So glad everyone is okay. And YES I love Nancy Meyers interiors.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      I remember one holiday we engaged in no speakies for the trip home. I sat there seething, furious, sensing his every move. He was actually THRILLED he got to listen to the cricket without interruption and didn’t give no speakies another thought! Bastard.

  • Charmaine

    Thankyou Beth xx

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      You’re welcome x

  • http://bigwordsblog.blogspot.com bigwords

    I’ve been known to slip out of bed and onto the couch during a “no-speakies” session. I do it to prove a point of how annoyed I am. He never notices and has a great night’s sleep and I feel like a dick head. I’m so glad your BIL is ok xx

    • http://claireyhewitt.blogspot.com/ ClaireyHewitt

      Oh B, this just made me laugh. I can imagine how well I would sleep with the whole bed to myself, I would be smirking inside, thinking my husband was being so immature. The things we all do when attempting to make our point, when we really should just talk it out.

      • Emily @ The Beetle Shack

        I do that too Bianca, it always serves to irritate me even further.

  • philo

    Nice one BM – you nailed it xoxox

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Thanks :)

  • Amy Zempilas

    Beautiful post and so very true! x x x

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Thanks Amy

  • http://www.thehighwaygirl.com/index.php thehighwaygirl

    This is wonderful. Just wonderful.

    • BabyMacBlogBeth

      Thank you!