On Saturday Rob and I spent the latter part of the day on ‘no speakies’. It was over a stupid thing – I got cranky at him, then he in turn got cranky at me and then I was cranky at him being cranky at me! I mean HOW DARE HE! I eventually decided to be indignant, because we had no plans and were home with nothing else to do and so ‘no speakies’ ensued. The girls went to bed and we practically ignored each other which was SO stupid, but you know when you are so far down something that you just have to commit? And when neither are willing to move from their position? It was ridiculous. And irritating and a waste of precious time together with no plans that we rarely have.
That business was shut down a little while later when my sister called to tell me that her beautiful husband was in hospital and she had suffered a terrible fright and ordeal. Yesterday I hightailed it up to the hospital to see them both – he is fine now – just to be there and distract them with conversation and banter, chocolates and coffee.We left him at the hospital last night and went back to her place where I whipped up a comfort frenzy – cooking a much-loved family favourite from when we were little to make her (and me) feel better. Some chicken parmigiana, roast potatoes, some green beans with slivered almonds and a big old glass of wine on the side. We ate on our laps, sitting on the couch watching the crappiest romantic comedy we could find on Apple TV.
Now I NEVER watch these kind of movies. Mostly because they irritate me and most definitely Rob but we watched The Holiday and packed down for some comfort and distraction. The film was filled with beautiful people, people places, beautiful clothes beautiful Nancy Meyers interiors and lamps and soft furnishings. Look! See? So soothing.
Soothing…but just a set. You know they built the entire cottage for that movie? The whole thing. See? Fake.
The silly film with the beautiful people and the silly plot lines and pretty everything was PERFECT though. PERFECT. We laughed and cried and I wondered just why it is that I don’t watch these silly films more. Sometimes you just need a little pretty and silly don’t you think? While life and love isn’t actually about people dancing around a room together with new mixed families happily together and in love, and while snow doesn’t always fall on Christmas Eve, or the girl doesn’t always run back to the guy. Sometimes it IS. Sometimes it can be. And even if it’s not, it’s nice to pretend for a while isn’t it?
Our wedding days sometimes are a bit like those rom coms. Pretty. Filled with pretty and love and promise. And then your marriage that follows can be the reality – that like the sets in those movies that look the part for the day and the time, they get pulled down after time. The wedding day can only last so long. I spoke at my sister & brother in law’s wedding about what I knew about marriage. About it not being about a wedding day, but about all the other stuff that follows.
Mostly for all of us married life and love is messy and sometimes scary as hell. It’s irritating and stupid fights over nothing, not having enough sex, being overtired and short-tempered with each other. It’s being there for each other when we are scared or sad, or saving someone’s life. Being there when they are sick. Just being there.
I’m so glad that my brother-in-law is OK. I’m sorry that my darling sister got the fright of her life. I’m sorry that I held a grudge over something stupid with Rob and I am glad we got to escape it all for a few hours over the pretty movie whilst eating some delicious comfort food. Marriage is messy and complicated and scary and wonderful and we are blessed that we can experience it with people that we love.
Today I’m grateful for all that.