There’s been School – reading, writing, singing, learning. And hockey. And swimming. And ballet. There’s been new friends. Old friends. And in between all the busy stuff we’ve been doing in the holidays and weekends.
Sometimes I forget that she’s just 5. She looks 8, she’s taller than most kids her age, and some even older. Her clothes tell me she is a size 9 and sometimes 10 and most of the time I just expect so much from her – to be kind, and patient and understanding of her little sister, and to do homework, never forget her manners and not have tantrums and not fight with friends and be happy – so much pressure I put on someone so small. What is it about your first born? I never really understood the phenomenon being child number 3 (that has a whole lot of other issues attached to it) but I can now look at my sister being the first kid and see the pressure, the responsibility they have because of that position. Same with my Brother in law, cousins, parents and friends who are the first kid. I guess with Daisy she is very much like me – we clash over all the things in myself I struggle with. She had all the angst of my first child weighed on her – my not knowing what the hell I was doing. My insecurities. My anxiety. My trying to do things “right” and not being all that relaxed.
All that pressure.
I’m being very mindful of my little girl at the moment and heading towards the end of the year. I’m going to consider what’s best for her, praise her more often, be relaxed and loving and be the kind of Mother I know comes so easily to me with Harper. She has achieved so much this year and right now I think I need to keep that in focus. I want her to know just how much she is loved. How proud I am, how very proud.
Do you agree that the first kid has a tough time?
Do you have a child that’s just like you? Do you clash more often?
Motherhood never fails to kick my arse.