The clothes puller

Yesterday afternoon I was at swimming. It was 4.30pm on a Monday afternoon. Harper was bored and tired. It was humid and hot in there. And it was swimming, did I mention SWIMMING? So it was extra annoying. Needless to say, my patience was a little, shall we say, thin. Wafer thin. Wafer thin wafer.

I tried to sit, but Harper sat on me. I stood and she pulled on me. Leaned on me. I snapped. In public. Nothing too dramatic, just your standard “Can you please let go of me and STOP PULLING ON MY CLOTHES!” Quite loudly. And I didn’t care less who heard me. And then I did what normal people do, I took a photo of her pulling on my clothes, uploaded it onto Instagram and asked everyone else if it drives them crazy or if I’m the only one. The next 12 minutes were spent chuckling into my phone and before I knew it, the lesson was done. Win!

It seems I’m not alone. It seems I’m not the only one who has uttered the words “Can you just STOP TOUCHING ME?” Oh yes, I’ve said that to MY OWN CHILDREN. Patting drives others crazy. Others have trouble with being shown stuff RIGHT IN YOUR FACE LIKE RIGHT THERE. There’s the climbing under dresses, up shirts, tapping. You name it – someone else has been really annoyed by the puzact same thing with their own kid. Promise!

When we were flying back from NY Mrs Woog almost completely lost her shit over a woman across the aisle from us who had a pen, you know the ones with the retractable press bit at the end? Those. After she had filled in her customs card she pressed that pen in. And out. And in. Andoutandinandoutandinandout. And Mrs Woog just about couldn’t take it. And I just about loved watching the tension between the woman. The pen. And Mrs Woog’s patience – great drama!

So. What drives you (as I made the voice over lady say on Media Watch last week) cray cray CRAZY? It doesn’t have to be about children, but dear GOD they give you plenty to work with.

I cannot stand the clothes pulling.
I cannot stand the coughing.
I cannot stand loud breathing and don’t get me started on a nose whistle/breathe scenario.
I cannot stand my husband’s love of small change. That he leaves fucking EVERYWHERE.
I cannot stand baskets of clean washing left unfolded.
I have trouble dealing with toilet rolls on so that the paper comes under. It’s over.

I could go on, but someone would just tell me that I’m ungrateful. So I’ll leave it at that. Tell me. Go on. It’s like therapy.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01210287822137630366 Samelia’s Mum

    Loud chewing! The constant muuuuuum.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10327661563449068137 Felicity

    Noisy chewing and people who slurp ( drinks or food), drives me bONKERS!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10327661563449068137 Felicity

    Kids, adults , it matters not… Chew with your mouth closed and be prepared for the ‘evil eye’ if you slurp!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11781860792743883433 ses

    I have to admit, that I am with mrs woog on this one! The pen thing drives me nuts, but the winner is people chewing with their mouth open! I struggle to go to the movies now, because I always get the chip eater behind me!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17317677066408030053 Faux Fuchsia

    you need a change container, then you take it all to the bank and they tell you it’s $372 and you buy yourself a gift.

    I don’t like mess squalor filth laziness disloyalty back stabbing or bush turkeys

    Leaving a wet sponge in the sink without squeezing it out to dry is pretty horrible too

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09496111373121294660 Carmel’s Closet

      I did Christmas one year with all the change discarded by my husband – the whole bloody shabang. And don’t get me started on unsqueezed sink sponges … !

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00773581188651200076 Coal Valley View

    “Stop pulling my clothes!, Stop jumping on the couch!, watch my coffee! watch my coffee! hot coffee here! (Ditto with the wine when I’m not pregnant), stop sniffing! Get a tissue! Oh don’t wipe it on your arm!!!”. I’m a bit of a cranky pants at the moment. The small change I could live with Beth and you would have a field day with my baskets of clean unfolded washing :-) Mel x

  • Clare

    My sister has a major thing about toilet rolls going over not under. She will turn the roll around in other people’s bathrooms and public toilets if the paper is under and is even planning to write a blog devoted to the subject! I told her no-one would be interested but I think she needs it for therapy to work through her issues.
    I am with you on the touching/leaning/climbing by my kids – I like my own space too much.
    Nose picking is my pet hate. I teach kindergarten and I spend a good part of my day reminding the kids not to do it. Makes my skin crawl.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06814843842853806511 Lisa

      haha, I do the same thing as your sister, I am guilty of changing the toilet roll to over at someone else’s house ;)

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15887525088217989855 Beautycat

      Me too!

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08069990328770303361 Michele @ The Hills Are Alive……

      Ah yep me too

    • Anonymous

      Well, yes, obviously. That’s what you do when people have their toilet paper the wrong way.

  • Anonymous

    SNIFFING!!!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08915960873730826839 Anna @ green tea n toast

    I am with you all the way on the clothes pulling and touching thing. I particularly hate bony little elbows in your ribs/stomach/general body area when they’re sat next to you and want to get up. Hilarious post. x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09868443899409557758 Camielle

    I cannot stand extra and unnecessary body noises like sniffing, chewing, heavy breathing and loud sneezes. I cannot stand rude people and children and adults that don’t say please and thank you

  • Jill

    Mum? Mum? Mum? MUM? MMMMMMUUUUUUMMMMMMM?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15799389451342532485 Miss Kitty-Cat

    See, I am toilet roll under, not over. Over just looks strange to me. Gives me the heebie jeebies.

    My husband not using the google search box on firefox annoys the crap out of me. He always has to go to the advance search tab in bookmarks. GAH!!! And the fact he won’t wash the dishes. There could be PILES YOU CAN’T JUMP OVER in the kitchen, but no. He waits for me to do it. He’ll dry up but somehow his brain isn’t wired to WASH. Killing me slowly….

    K xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15645948528323433452 Averil

    I hate it when people, especially my own kids keep sniffing when they clearly need to blow their nose. My husband leaves the wet sponge in the sink every time but I bite my tongue because he’s done the dishes. The clothes pulling irritates me, as well as the lifting up of my dress when I’m wearing one. At the moment my kids are constantly saying Watch this mum! Watch this! Watch this! I’ve lost it a few times over that. Ditto the the small change, plus my husband leaves little bits of paper around everywhere that are notes he’s written. I keep telling him that’s what his iPhone is for! Or invest in a tiny notepad to put in your pocket so it all stays together!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09641633717352069186 Ms George {Life at the Coop}

    Totally with you on the toilet paper. Apparently studies have shown that you use less when it goes over. An environmentally friendly point rests my case! My fiancé not puting my car keys back in my bag dyer he uses them. I need to know they are in my handbag. The wardrobe doors must be shut when u get into bed or I get the heebie jeebies

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06044161376528094256 Lisa @ Blithe Moments

      I totally agree about wardrobe doors. Open when in bed is not an option.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09496111373121294660 Carmel’s Closet

    Things that annoy me Part I: The fact my kids eat SO much, just don’t STOP eating.ever. When I was pregnant no one warned me that the birth of your baby marks the start of a lifelong catering assignment. Neighbours parking in our shared ACCESS driveway is currently driving me nuts. I’m close to becoming of the crazy neighbours you see on media shows – I honestly see how that happens now. Sniffing. “I’m hungry”. The car being left in reverse, so I drive into the house – yes – happened.
    Carmel
    x

  • Anonymous

    My husband is a loud eater and never closes his mouth. I didnt notice it at first but my dad pointed it out one day. Now I notice it ALL THE TIME. We have spoken about it but its a habit he just cant seem to change. Lucky I love him but it still drives me NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I have twins so the clothes pulling thing is always happening x 2. I cant wear long skirts anymore otherwise that could be dangerous.

  • http://www.creative-current.com/ Nicky

    My almost 3 yr old is obsessed with my boobs, he was weaned at 2 years 4 months and I assumed he would get over it but NO he actually talks to them and whenever he comes near me he has to have a squeeze, like takes one between both hands and squeezes. YUP! Drives me BONKERS! Not to mention the digging for them at 6am every morning when he crawls into my bed… those little hard fists digging, me slapping his hand away like a pesky little fly, he usually responds with a fist to the face. Nice way to be woken up. I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!
    Also hubby complains about the mess the boys make, says they have no respect for the house/space but will just then step over toys, pencils, clothes, lego etc that is strewn around… Gah!

    • Anonymous

      Me too!!
      I weaned my 2nd at 2 yo and still @ 4 he is obsessed!
      His hand and my boobs are like magnets.He will only fall asleep holding one and I am slapping his hand away all night ( stupid me co-sleeps).

      When will it end,sweet lord?

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15887525088217989855 Beautycat

      Omg Nicky this made me laugh…my 3yr girl is the same. But she eventually got over the boob squeezing / touching.. Does do it occasionally as she still has the love for them. She was also breastfed past 2 yrs. She now loves to smell under my arms!! drives me crazy! had to switch to organic deodorant. First it was the boob touching, now it’s the underarm touching and smelling. She tells me I smell like flowers. Even when I wear no deodorant.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15741577344090135541 Miss Holly

    I’m with you on the piles of small change and the toilet paper going over Beth- drives me bonkers!!!!
    We have a change jar and if my other half leaves his pile sin the wrong place the piles go in the jar- then its my change too ;)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11937511046069347576 edenland

    Rocco keeps walking up to me saying, MUM. And won’t continue until I say, “Yes?”

    Drives me the Mediawatch cray cray crazy. So I said to him, mate, don’t keep saying mum. Just ask me.

    Now ….. he comes up to me and says,

    “EDEN RILEY.”

    And won’t continue, until I say yes.

    And that’s when I carved my brain out with a spoon.

    • Lydia

      genuinely laughed out loud at that one. Rocco is a mini you isn’t he… :)

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17037971025575125609 G

      I used to do that to my mum to test what kind of mood she was in by the tone of her “yes” haha.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06814843842853806511 Lisa

    no kiddies for us, but boy, there are definitely things that drive me bonkers! I love, love, love my husband but when he whistles, I want to scream and throw a tantrum, it drives me mad! Toilet paper under is the stupidest idea ever, and when people say “yous”, I have to exercise all my self control not to bluntly alert them to the fact that you is already a plural, yous DOES NOT EXIST!! rant, over.
    ;) xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04215161182830545561 Reannon Hope

    Not hanging towels up.
    Putting beer bottles on the bench RIGHT ABOVE THE RECYCLING BIN!!!
    Check out people who can’t pack groceries correctly ( sausages & toothpaste cannot go in the same bag!)
    Noises my kids make just to be annoying, to me & each other .
    When my dog sits next to me then proceeds to lick or scratch himself.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13272090974052486539 Mrs Woog

    clicking
    pens
    make
    me
    cray
    cray
    crazy
    .

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12124831265480163064 wsb

    Clare I also teach prep and once heard a teacher say “Boogers are not food!” cracked me up :-P

  • http://allconsuming.com.au/ kim at allconsuming

    We discussed yesterday how I can not abide by the pulling on clothes OR the patting OR the rubbing. Dear GOD the rubbing.

    But at the moment, the worst? The “thing” that makes me batshit crazy? Chef.Eating.Crunchy.Foods. It’s not that he eats with his mouth open (he doesn’t) it’s that his head must be some sort of cavernous echo chamber. I swear to GOD the volume of him eating a chip or a bowl of nutrigrain is almost grounds for divorce. I know you know I’m not joking.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03207812498694359774 Rach Jackson

    People scratching their leg through their jeans with jagged nails! JUST CUT YOUR FRICKING NAILS SO THEY DON’T GET CAUGHT ON EVERY FIBRE AND MAKE THAT TERRIBLE SOUND!!
    Sorry bout that :/

  • http://www.greenrenters.org/ Cate

    Sniffers make me homicidal. I worked in universities for ten years and I remember getting cultural diversity training about how people from some cultures sniff because blowing one’s nose in front of others is considered bad manners. Drives me mad. Especially when people sit next to me on public transport and do it. Use a fecking hanky! Only thing close is people who spit phlegm. Sorry i mean MEN who spit phlegm. Never seen a woman do it. People who stand at the traffic lights and don’t push the walk button -they annoy me too. Feckers

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04371079442081063376 Chris

    Hi there, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. I have recently found it and am now following you. Hopefully you will follow me also. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07507983700822758509 Diary of a jazz widow

    When the kids say “mum”, I reply “I hate that word”. Then they crack up hysterically and say it even more”…..I also hate my space being invaded…..

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11433701550878013807 annie

    I cannot stand when they tell me they need a dragon head mask for first lesson as we eat breakfast at eight o’clock.
    Children not hanging towels up. Husband putting once used towels in the washing for ME to wash.
    Empty toilet roll or roll with two sheets left on it. CHANGE it! Same goes for empty milk cartons and water bottles in the fridge. THROW OUT AND FILL UP!!!
    Boys standing in front of the fridge with it open gazing at a blank spot in the back of it.
    Husbands taking in laundry and scrunching it all tightly into the basket so it needs mega ironing or sometimes to be rewashed.
    I must stop now or I will take up all your comment space…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17646925050489695536 Mother Down Under

    I get the holding of the knees while I am trying to cook dinner…drives me moderately crazy but can usually be resolved by giving Toddler C a wooden spoon and a pot.

    And I love loose change…I pick it up and then it is mine…I take it to the cafe and get myself a “free” coffee!

    The thing that gets me is taking out the rubbish but not replacing the bag!
    Instant bad mood…it gets me every time!
    And I can’t complain because at least Daddy R notices the bin is full and takes the rubbish out.
    But for the LOVE OF GOD he had better start replacing the bag otherwise I am going to put said bag over his head!

  • Gidsy

    Children , mine of course, stepping on my feet. Esp when I’ve just painted my toes.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02512695703223497990 Bree

    I’m quite sort and people like to lean on me!!!!

    • S

      Oh, I get this as well! It drives me bonkers! And they laugh while they’re doing it like it’s a big joke :(

  • Anonymous

    I work in a prep class and kids coming up and poking my arm, leg, belly or for the taller ones my boobs to get my attention, does my head in. I have been so close to seriously losing it with them so many times. I HATE POKERS!
    Sue N

  • Kris

    All time hands down winner for me would be the jumping up and down while you’re trying to help them put their ever loving socks and shoes on and then wham…top of head meets your chin and you bite your tongue and man are they lucky to survive that one…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06044161376528094256 Lisa @ Blithe Moments

    I don’t have children, I have an office full of men who cannot wash a teaspoon for the love of god.

    Sniffers, don’t even get me started. In one uni exam I called the supervisor over to get her to give my tissues to the guy behind me who was driving me insane with his sniffing.

    Finally, how, how for the love of god, can I get my partner to put the toilet lid down?

    • carohutchison

      Tell him the germs from the toilet will go all over his toothbrush.

  • Reen

    What’s just made me crazy is the fact that while reading your post I’ve tried to secretly eat a Flake so that my 4 year old doesn’t see me and all I have managed to do is litter my lap with bloody flake bits everywhere. Stupid chocolate bar…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06911678503912496884 Donna

    My son always wants to touch my face in the brief 2 seconds between going to the toilet and washing his hands – makes me mental!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09334181966209041832 Corinne – Daze of My Life

    My kids breathing on my face/yelling in my ear/or trying to do anything when I do up their car seats.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17317677066408030053 Faux Fuchsia

    These Comments make me laugh.

    I am glad that I am not the only one who finds wet sponges left in sinks Revolting.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06746144373161361478 Catherine Byrnes

      FF, my husband did this tonight… before I even read this post! (spooky). And worse, he even left scraps of food on the wet sponge which he had wiped off the bench. DIS-GUST-ING! I told him he needs to rinse the sponge out, wring it and leave it to dry in the dish rack. I felt mean telling him what to do after he did the dishes, but surely its JUST COMMON SENSE???!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05039768799104337634 Scandi Coast Home

    Getting the kids ready for school has had my blood boiling on occasion. Now I don’t give a flying fart if they get there on time things have improves somewhat……
    T xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00463206542148286066 Greer

    Licking. My children seem to like licking me at the moment. Arms, legs, face, chest.

  • Anonymous

    Mum, mum, mum!
    Definitely a toilet roll on the outside person…have been known to change it in other people’s houses.
    When I was teaching…children who pat me to gain attention..I tell them I’m not a dog and threaten to bark next time..and I do!
    Clothes not hung the correct way on the line and in the wrong section…sometimes I can control myself not to say anything but I usually have to fix them when the offender is not looking…usually my husband.
    Hate sniffers and spitters..yuk!
    Annie M

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06333858903359349225 Deb

    ZOMG. clothes pulling. KILL ME NOW.

    loathe. with. a. passion.

    I also hate to varying degrees….

    chewing/blowing/talking in my ear by anyone at any time
    unpacking the dishwasher BUT NOT REPACKING IT
    arms/legs/other body parts on me in bed other than in the designated sexy times
    knocking my computer table, hanging off my computer table… as my youngest is doing right now
    people who mumble

    I’m sure there are more….

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02383863720375818688 Carly

    Love this post and your instagram photo yesterday – totally resonates with me:
    - The farking coins!!!!! Kills me
    - Leaving cupboard doors open
    - A light toucher – makes my skin crawl
    - Knuckle cracking will make me lose my shit

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17852738894895454021 Debbie Phillip

    Humming…….I am an anti-hummer…….it freaking near does my head in

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09651116248452404269 Lipgloss Mumma

    Throat clearers. My husband is one. That’s a tough one huh?
    And yes I hate the toilet roll on the wrong way, AND the lazy people who don’t change it when it’s finished.
    I hate it when no one puts their clothes the right way before they go in the wash and I have to stand there unfolding 6 people’s clothes!!
    I hate it when as soon as I go upstairs, or pick up the phone the girls suddenly need me…
    Okay that’s done. Feel better now.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09583940455920694670 Chelle

    The people who sniffle and the sound they make when they suck the snot down the back of their throat. gag

    Oh and my 4.5 year olds random questions in traffic. Today’s pearler “mum why is a duck a duck”. Does my head in I tell you!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08069990328770303361 Michele @ The Hills Are Alive……

    Can’t stand reading over my shoulder, or leaning on me invading space when I am really tired/cranky/sleep deprived/hormonal so you know majority of the time

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06746144373161361478 Catherine Byrnes

    Oh Beth, I am totally with you on the toilet roll paper on top (and in fact was thinking about this today and wondering if anybody else insisted on the toilet paper being on the top… it appears they do!), and the nose whistling… DEAR GOD, the nose whistling. My husband is the WORST for this. Drives me bonkers. And loud eating. Gross!!!! I have to leave the room if there is a loud eater. I can’t stand it. Seriously. I just walk away because I know I will crack it. Haven’t had much experience with the clothes pulling yet with my 21 month old, but I’m sure its coming. Another thing I can’t stand – people who watch the tv really loudly at night time. I’m constantly in a tug of war with my husband over the volume of the tv. He always has it up way too loud. People who talk loudly on the bus either to their friend or on the phone. Seriously, you know we can all hear you right??? Uggh. I could go on but don’t want to bore you! C xo

  • http://www.myscarlettheartt.com/ Bri

    My husband whistling. And snoring. And farting. And leaving his stuff everywhere.
    My 15 year old son cracking every bone in his body when he stretches. And never opening a window in his room so it STINKS in there. And having to ask him EVERY GODDAMN DAY to do his chores when he has had the same chores for 7 years now. And telling him not to take food/dishes into his bedroom but finding a pile of dishes/wrappers in there whenever I dare to venture past the (always closed) door.
    My 6 year old daughter YELLING rather than talking. And her needing me to watch every damn thing she does. And her inability to ever stop talking. And her leaving a trail of destruction from one end of the house to the other.
    My Dad having his TV up so damn loud that I can hear it inside the main house (he lives in a granny flat in the back yard). And his refusal to believe I ever do anything constructive on the computer. And his OH SO F*CKING SLOW driving these days.
    The guinea pigs shitting in their water bowl.

    Cranky McCrankerson they call me…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09042424651245052981 Christine

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one with the “toilet roll thing” – I often change it so it is “over” wherever I go!!

  • http://trulyblessedlife.wordpress.com/ trulyblessedlife

    Squealing, shrieking and whining set my teeth on edge. And OMFG how do they always lose 1 shoe?? And always on the days we were running early until the shoe hunt/frustration fest began and then we end up late.

  • http://www.myhealthyfamily.com.au/ Nicola

    Not pushing chairs back in after we’ve left the table. Open-mouthed chewing. Not replacing the toilet paper EVER and leaving the empty roll on the holder or just anywhere in the bathroom really but not the bin – oh no! Hearing my name repeated 5 million times a day. “mummy, MUMMY?” or “baby? BABY?!”

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13533327822031196642 claire

    Empty ice trays back in the freezer, people who clip their nails on the train/ office desk! Eeew

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09995313463814210940 Denise

    This is off topic, but I have been meaning to ask for a while – can you do a tea towels post. I can’t bear them. How DO you get rid of that manky smell? Yuck. Oh, and my small girl’s whine-y voice kills me. I am constantly saying, “find a different way to say it!”

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14178051390484243130 karlyn Jackson

    OMG the clothes pulling drives me nuts. Just yesterday chatting to my neighbours in their back yard with a wine in my hand my daughter wants my attention. She tuggs and tuggs and my skirt comes right down to my ankles. My gracious neighbours pretended not to notice. You should have seen the look I shot at her….grrrrr!

  • Nathalie

    The toilet roll down – definitely.
    The clothes pulling – absolutely.

    But the one that will one day be the end of me is the wet sponge.

    I think it’s an English thing. My husband is a huge culprit. And since I had my inlaws staying with us for 6 weeks and discovered that they too participate actively in “soggy sponge”, I have my suspicions. Perhaps it is hereditary? Is there any hope for my own children? I pray that some part of my DNA (control freakish as it might be) has enough effect that their homes will be devoid of cold, soggy, dirty sponges.

    A few other things that absolutely drive me batty:
    * Wet towels dropped on MY side of the bed (almost grounds for divorce I reckon)
    * For the love of all things dental, please put the lid down on the top of the toothpaste once you’re done. It’s already attached – it shouldn’t be too much of a strain to go that little bit extra. The dry, manky bits of toothpaste that form around the top are gross.
    * Beer bottle tops. Please don’t leave them strategically all over the house where I will (inevitably) step on them. Sharp side up naturally. Find the bin. Put them in it.

    And last but not least – (and this one is truly disgusting – introduced to me by my FIL) – when brushing your teeth, do the next person using the sink a favour and rinse your spit-out. I promise you that they don’t need to see the remnants of your breakfast/toothpaste on the side of the sink.

    There. I’m done.