The next bit

This morning Daisy announced that “it is SO boring having a baby sister who has her tonsils out.” And you know what? She’s right.

I won’t lie, things haven’t been pretty round these parts. It’s been miserable inside and out while Harper recovers. She has been in pain, having trouble taking her medicine and I have spiralled out of control a little as I haven’t been able to help her, all the while feeling like a total arsehole that we put her through all this pain. There have been lots of tears, screaming, tantrums and that’s just been me. There is something about a Mother seeing her child in pain that turns you into some crazed protective lioness. It doesn’t help that I have gone into this trauma on no sleep for 4 months, my patience and tolerance has been a little, shall we say, low.

But.

Today is a new day. The sun is motherfucking shining for the first time in a week and the air feels warm.  It just feels like things are brighter. Harper has started to take her medicine and as soon as the pain subsides she gets about 20 minutes of quiet play in before she retires back to the couch. We are staying on top of her medication and trying to avoid the disaster that occurs when you miss the window to take the next round of pain relief. She is quiet. She opens her mouth for no one, except a little juice, and who blames her. I’d be a little pissed off and distrustful as well.

Last night she woke every 20 to 40 minutes until about 2.30am. I  can’t even tell you what that feels like today. But, today is a new day. Today is a day closer to being well than we were yesterday and 2 days more than Saturday when we were in hospital. It’s getting better every hour, I’m almost sure of it. Like being in labour, or in the haze of your first newborn I am taking things hour by hour, trying not to be too overwhelmed, trying to not be too hard on myself, and trying to do nothing much except be there for her. I am hopeless at all these things I must say. When I was literally heaving with tears on the phone to my Mum yesterday morning telling her that unpacking the dishwasher makes me feel in control when everything else is spiralling out of control I learnt a lot about myself and how I deal with stress. Needless to say I have been dusting like a fucking crazy woman this morning, and washing every sheet and towel in the house, because I can, and it’s one thing I can do to feel like I’m in control of things.

Did someone say crazy?

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go and watch another Wiggles DVD. Thank you again for all your lovely comments and advice along way, it means the world. For reals.

Comments

  1. Much love xx

  2. Beth you are a wonderful mum x

  3. Anonymous says:

    Thinking of you Beth. Hope the hours pass quickly. x Bec

  4. I’ve been thinking of you guys over the past few days. You may be crazy, but in my eyes, you’re also a freaking hero and an amazing mother. And yay for sunshine, finally. Hope today is a much brighter day for you all xxx

  5. Keep up the Painstop. Have a swing of it yourself xxx

  6. Aww, tears in my eyes. It will all be a distant memory in no time. Hope that time is not too much further for you. Enjoy the sunshine!

  7. Totally get the control the controllables thing which is why I go crazy when I can’t unpack the dishwasher cos the baby is so cranky. So if you’re crazy, so am I! So glad things are improving as time ticks on. Continuing to send you my love. Xxx

  8. You’ve been in my thoughts constantly. You’re right every step is a step closer. xxx

    • Thanks lady and thank you SO much for answering my frantic texts x

    • Any time. Probably zero help, but I’m always here. As I said before she’ll get better then around day 10 she’ll take a step backwards but once she gets past that you’ll be home and hosed. Then with a bit of luck, you’ll have a bright and sparkly new kid on your hands. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too xxx

  9. Glad to hear things are slowly on the up Beth. Hugs while watching Wiggles will surely help. Feet up, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing an amazing job. xo

  10. hugs? does that help?
    she will thank you in time. I’m 32 and my tonsils are a constant source of annoyance for me and the doctors won’t take them out!

    my 4 year old son woke up last night every two hours with a pain in his toes! the only thing that would fix it was cream (which is just moisturiser!) and me stroking them. then I had to get up and feed the baby too. so please have a laugh at my expense and I’ll have a glass of wine and we’ll all feel a little better :)

  11. You will get through it cos the alternative is pretty shitty, fake it til you get there. Keep her really busy, make some play dough. All kids love that shit. Use up all the pencils and textas. Eat custard and jelly and laugh and be happy. Use bribery as much as you can a few dozen blocks of Cadbury choc in my house would do it!

  12. Isn’t the sunshine fabulous? I’ve been washing like a mad woman today too – hope to God the sun’s around for a little while at least.

    Sending you lots of hugs, Beth. xx

  13. Oh mate. I feel for you, really I do. It seems like time is in slow-mo, doesn’t it? All that got me through every time was remembering the bigger picture – how it will all be once recovery is over. Hang in there! J x

  14. Anonymous says:

    from someone who had their tonsilts out at 31, I can tell u it hurts alot, and I mean alot, but every day it gets slightly better and then about two weeks later you wake up and it doesnt hurt at all. Even though it was an aweful operation for me, I would do it all agaoin to how well i feel and sleep now. better is just around the corner…..

  15. I wanted to write a little earlier, before you handed your baby over to strangers dressed in her hospital gown, drug hazed, tiny & oblivious to what was happening – I have a vivid memory of the same thing happening here 17yrs ago.

    Sounds like Harper is suffering just as Eliza did – it was an absolute nightmare! No one prepared us for the aftermath of tears, tantrums and pain. Maybe a bit like childbirth in that it doesn’t matter what anyone says you’re going to do it anyway and at some point there’s no turning back, you have to ride it out, hope for the best and do all you can to make sure you survive.

    If I could change anything about how I handled those few days post op it would be to hold her more and be a hell of lot more sympathetic to her pain – ironic that it was the pain relief that she found the hardest to swallow.

    The turning point for us, the moment we knew we had done the right thing was when she came running into me with eyes as wide as saucers, probably a week after the op, excitedly exclaiming “I can hear the water, I can hear the water”. Dan was using a tap in the laundry and she could hear the water running into the sink – we’d no idea how bad her hearing was!

    I’d like to say it was all plain sailing from then on in but I’d be lying. She was never a good sleeper or eater however now at nearly 20yrs of age, having completed a Certificate in Early Childhood Studies, working full time, with a lovely boyfriend and group of friends I have trouble getting her out of bed and she eats like there’s 3 of her.

    You’re doing a great job Beth and good on you for keeping it real – Harper will only thrive as a consequence.

  16. And trauma it is.
    Feel free to clean like a woman possessed – a more positive outlet than others I can think of.
    When you come out the other end – chewed up & spat out – you can leave the housework for a bit.
    xxx

  17. One day at a time…keep dusting lol xx

  18. Painstop – Mummas best friend…pretty sure it has codeine in it too, so remember the pears otherwise you end up with pain at the other end too. And that is certainly not what you need. (Sadly, I learnt the hard way. Welcome to our home, Parachoc).

  19. You’ll get there, Beth. I’m notoriously impatient and crazy myself, so I know a little bit where all that cleaning is moving from!.! Hope she’s feeling even better right now. x

  20. One think I have learnt from reading your blog all this time Beth – you are a WONDERFUL mumma. One of the best.
    And while I can only imagine how you must be feeling try not to be too hard on yourself.
    You made a tough decision to have this operation but for all of the right reasons.
    And your kids love you and they know you love them.
    Dusting, sheet and towel washing or not – tommorrow will be better, next week will be 1000% better.
    x

  21. hubby had his tonsils and deviated septum sorted out last year and let me tell you, Harper sounds MUCH more together than hubby did!!!

    Go Harper!

    Soon enough all this trauma will all be just a blur.

  22. Watching Wiggles dVD’s every day will certainly make you crazy!!Seriously though…big hugs, it’s rough when you can’t do much to help them and then you are up all night (i’ve got twins with colds at the moment but i stopped complaining when i read yr post lol!)
    That painstop is indeed good stuff…hope it all gets a bit better soon xx

  23. Not crazy at all lady, I have learnt that about myself also… cleaning, organising, planning, clearing out, keeping BUSY is the only way for me to feel really good about myself. You’ve been through so much, you’re doing great and so is little Harper. She’ll be as right as rain real soon. Gorgeous photos xoxo

  24. Sending lots of positive vibes your way from the states. Hope little miss h feels better soon!!

  25. It’s been a couple of days since you posted this.

    I’m hoping that’s because:

    a) you’re sleeping lots between medication stops and/or

    b) things have improved so much, hour upon hour, that you’re actually enjoying each others company too much to bother blogging about it – for now.

    I hope it’s a little of both.

    Big hugs from me.
    Love, Gabs xo

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