This morning Daisy announced that “it is SO boring having a baby sister who has her tonsils out.” And you know what? She’s right.
I won’t lie, things haven’t been pretty round these parts. It’s been miserable inside and out while Harper recovers. She has been in pain, having trouble taking her medicine and I have spiralled out of control a little as I haven’t been able to help her, all the while feeling like a total arsehole that we put her through all this pain. There have been lots of tears, screaming, tantrums and that’s just been me. There is something about a Mother seeing her child in pain that turns you into some crazed protective lioness. It doesn’t help that I have gone into this trauma on no sleep for 4 months, my patience and tolerance has been a little, shall we say, low.
Today is a new day. The sun is motherfucking shining for the first time in a week and the air feels warm. It just feels like things are brighter. Harper has started to take her medicine and as soon as the pain subsides she gets about 20 minutes of quiet play in before she retires back to the couch. We are staying on top of her medication and trying to avoid the disaster that occurs when you miss the window to take the next round of pain relief. She is quiet. She opens her mouth for no one, except a little juice, and who blames her. I’d be a little pissed off and distrustful as well.
Last night she woke every 20 to 40 minutes until about 2.30am. I can’t even tell you what that feels like today. But, today is a new day. Today is a day closer to being well than we were yesterday and 2 days more than Saturday when we were in hospital. It’s getting better every hour, I’m almost sure of it. Like being in labour, or in the haze of your first newborn I am taking things hour by hour, trying not to be too overwhelmed, trying to not be too hard on myself, and trying to do nothing much except be there for her. I am hopeless at all these things I must say. When I was literally heaving with tears on the phone to my Mum yesterday morning telling her that unpacking the dishwasher makes me feel in control when everything else is spiralling out of control I learnt a lot about myself and how I deal with stress. Needless to say I have been dusting like a fucking crazy woman this morning, and washing every sheet and towel in the house, because I can, and it’s one thing I can do to feel like I’m in control of things.
Did someone say crazy?
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go and watch another Wiggles DVD. Thank you again for all your lovely comments and advice along way, it means the world. For reals.