Hello my dearest

I like to sweep. I sweep a lot. I get great satisfaction from a messy pathway, or verandah swept clean, a new start, a nice entrance way, a welcome that shows someone that you care about this piece of ground. Or something. Some people like to smoke, or take a valium. I, I like to sweep. My family don’t get the sweeping. Rob most definitely does not get the sweeping, and or the rate in which I go through millet brooms with my obsession hobby. But that’s OK, I don’t understand what on earth could be appealing about playing computer games on your phone on the toilet for up to 30 minutes at a time. Different strokes and all that.

Yesterday I had to pick up a few things from the supermarket. I call myself the Mother of the house and yet we simultaneously ran out of vegemite, peanut butter and jam! All at the same time. Oh the shame of it! I didn’t realise until I got home that I bought the biggest MOFO jars of peanut butter and vegemite that you can get. There is NO way we are running out of that shit again anytime soon. Oh! And I had another broom! The crazy sweeper had herself another broom of course. If I was in any normal state and I had to look at my (yesterday) self in that supermarket line I would have looked the other way. My hair was crazy. I was puffy eyed. Bleary eyed. Clearly on the very edge and ignoring the tantruming toddler at my feet that I couldn’t have cared less for at that moment. I was like Muriel’s mother in that supermarket.
No matter how much things have gone to shit the past week, I’ve been sweeping. Just keep sweeping, just keep sweeping. Does it matter? No, of course not. But there I am sweeping. The other stuff, life stuff, well it amazes me what you can do on auto pilot when you are here, but not quite. You find yourself in the next town without knowing how you got there. You make polite chit chat with people and smile and make all the right motions, without an effort at all, all the while willing yourself just to get through that conversation, into the next 5 minutes because then, that 5 minutes will be done. It’s not living. It’s surviving. Just.
I’ve been crying these past few days. Funnily enough if you combine the regular cray cray hormones that come with getting your period – the anger, the overwhelmingness of the smallest things, the self doubt – with a couple of months of no sleep AND post traumatic stress of recovering your baby from an operation well you get the PERIODAPALOOZA of periods. It hasn’t been pretty. But. It is what it is. Today, I am dusting myself off and starting over anew. I’m not angry about things. I’m not anxious. I just am. It’s a kind of resignation and acceptance that has taken place in my head over the past few days. This is what it is. It will pass. And, meanwhile, who gives a FUCK? It is ever so boring. If you think it’s boring to read about, try living it for a while – believe me, IT’S BORING.
So. I’m not going to keep obsessing about this misery any longer. I am going to just let it be. It will pass when it’s time to pass. I’m going to start remembering that life is for living and not just surviving. I feel like all we have done this year is survive, and I’m done with that. Let’s have some FUN. I’m not going to focus on all the stuff that isn’t happening at the moment, but look at the good stuff around me that is. I have a healthy baby. I have a big kid who is learning how to READ! I have a hot husband who hasn’t left me! I’m not going to keep boring you all with the boringness of the non sleep. It’s boring! In fact, I’m not going to write about sleep, or lack thereof anymore. Promise. Unless of course we get some, then, then I will sing the praises and NO ONE can stop me.
And I’m going to keep sweeping, and washing the sheets, and shopping and keeping some control over the little things I can along the way, little things that make me feel like I’m doing an OK job of life. And I’m going to try some living, and not just treading water for a while. And see how that fits. 

  • Julia

    I loooooove your post today and I love those sheets! What brand are they?? My husband is off to have his tonsils out next week – can’t wait!!!! Hope Harper is having a good day x

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02005492484650666091 BabyMac

      Julia, I cannot even IMAGINE what a husband would be like going through that when they can’t normally cope with a cold. May the force (and many, many glasses of wine) be with you!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16423155273754490984 Something Gorgeous

    Good on you Beth……Life can be a shit. But my motto is if this is as good as it gets, then I’m going to be happy.
    Wishing you lots of laughs and any hours of sleep. Tx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04215161182830545561 Reannon Hope

    I think when things are going to shit its good to concentrate on the small, mundane, easy things. Be happy you have clean sheets. Actually you seem to wash sheets a hell of a lot more than me & I get a good 6 hrs sleep so that’s something!

    Chin up, it’s not always gonna suck. In the meantime you have clean sheets, paths & floors. You have sandwich spreads in big jars. That is good enough for now xx

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02005492484650666091 BabyMac

      It’s the joy/curse of always having visitors…endless sheets to wash!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02945710703939292438 kelly

    one of the top cool things about having 4 little girls in this house, is all the pretty linen I get to choose from….those sheets are beautiful….
    I love normal mundane routines coming back after a major drama..enjoy :’-)

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02005492484650666091 BabyMac

      The sheets are new – some retail therapy for me this morning. I’m not sure why I am intent on making the one place I don’t spend enough time even MORE attractive?!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02945710703939292438 kelly

    http://5pumkins.blogspot.com.au/2012/02/surrender.html

    It may not help..it may…who knows :-) xoxo p.s your a beautiful writer

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09334181966209041832 Corinne – Daze of My Life

    I don’t sweep, I wash dishes. Heaven help me if we ever get a dishwasher. Xxx

  • Traci

    STOP.IT! I was totally picturing Muriel’s poor dazed mother when you were describing yourself at the supermarket, and then I read that sentence! Hopefully at least your cracked heals have gone?!

    Looking to the fun sounds like the best thing to do.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631168461364478994 ANB

    I have to second/third/whatever the sentiments about the beautiful linen. I get a strange sense of satisfaction, particularly when all else is falling to pieces, from looking at pretty clothes and sheets hung out with military precision on my clothesline. Much like your sweeping, I suspect – control of the small things :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00753028071925685075 LINDA from OEKE

    Nice grass.
    Nice pegs.
    Where’s the pic of the broom??

    Also, thanks a LOT for the ‘just keep sweeping’ nemo tune .. it’s stuck in my head now for the EN-TIRE day (-:

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09393571810604343918 Veggie Mama

    The question is, though… did you steal the slippers?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10208633197266540403 Maryandlil

    Beth. Your life is not boring. I love reading about it. All of it. Even the stuff that seems boring to some is not boring. It is life. I know life can sometimes deal us a huge pile of crap (I know, mine does all the time, and I live through it you know, if you read my posts) but I say celebrate the good when it comes shining through the bad. Its coming. And it will be GREAT xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11937511046069347576 edenland

    Love it. Love you.

    See that peg in the last photo? It’s The Peg of Hope.

    xxxxx

    PS Rob in the TORLET playing games. Rofling. I do the same except it’s twitter – like, I PRETEND I’m taking a dump but I’m actually on twitter on my iPhone on the torlet. Hunched over, like the half-crazed white western women we are.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026987107815016616 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle

    Muriel’s mother. I had completely forgotten about Muriel’s mother! My Grandfather was a sweeper, my father has become one, so far – I’m good. My Dad sweeps the back verandah every morning and then starts on the the circular driveway, he wears his headphones and is as happy as a pig in the proverbial. I get it. Kx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02512695703223497990 Bree

    perodpalooza – best word ever!
    my friend and I say we have cranky pants on – then we ask what colours – orange with black spots – make up some disgusting colour combo or bright hideous thing!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06911678503912496884 Donna

    Sounds like the sweeping has been a bit of a metaphorical success, sweeping out the debris and unwanted chaff, leaving your mind clear again? ( or is that just a tad too deep for a Tuesday night???)

    My domestic crutch is washing clothes and making my bed – if they are under control I can breathe…

    PS (our husbands have the same toilet habits, sigh)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09703082768846184281 ::The Beetle Shack::

    WHAT IS UP WITH THE PHONE/POO SESSIONS??? geeez.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07586610467519318424 Jode

    Oh Beth…i just love how you can put a smile on my face after a shitty day…not because you are having a crap time and obviously doing a tad too much sweeping…but because you tell it how it is and that makes the rest of us feel normal too!

    I hope thiis new start begins well…and i love those damn sheets!Thank you for sharing and letting us into your life!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13151973819133926868 Mama of 2 boys

    Power to you lady. It takes a lot of ticker to raise yourself up from a shitty situation… and it sounds like you’re doing just that. Such a great post, I can relate to it wholeheartedly. The sweeping made me laugh, we all have our domestic vices. I love washing the clothes, the dishes, the kids. Making things clean and bright is definitely what I need to do to stay sane and happy xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07732623384511673618 Palaeontologist Mum with Babies

    cool pegs!
    sweeping is my middle name, i have a bit of a collection of brooms.
    Yesterday a colleague at work ( a molecular biologist-he knows what he is talking about) told me one of the reasons we live for longer is that we now have and use vacuum cleaners and we sweep up our dust and mites that live happily in our homes under our own feet.
    so keep sweeping it is good for the soul and makes us healthier and live longer!

  • http://www.findtheglasspenny.com/ Crystal

    I understand your pain, and applaud your honesty. As a childless (but hoping for babies very soon) woman its refreshing to read a blog where a mother lays it all out on the table, rather than most of these cutesy ones you see where their life is straight out of a Martha Stewart magazine.

    Thanks for giving me a taste of the roses and the thorns that come with being a parent..

    PS, I hate to sweep, so if you ever need a place to get out more of that sweeping bug- feel free to come to my place ;)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07422068499429667636 Posie Patchwork

    LOVE sweeping, totally get you, i sweep & listen, sweep & think, sweep & relax. My husband bought me a really expensive bash broom one birthday, it was glorious, like a $60 broom, from a real hardware store, others frowned, i loved it (i wouldn’t spend that much on a broom myself, so it was a true gift). Sweeping at therapy?? Yes please. Periods, why do we get them after we’ve decided we’ve had enough babies, i wish there was a switch we could just flick, not surgery or waiting for menopause, such fun being a woman, love Posie

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10576986106653716208 Lizeylou

    PERIODAPALOOZA … seriously – this is the best word ever!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03206534200849897015 shine little light*

    I love sweeping too. Its all about control over the little things. thats all ive got at the moment too. *s*

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06671751303934308368 ZippyZippy

    Glad you have the sweeping to keep you on the acceptable side of same :) Mine is hanging washing very orderly and co-ordinated on the line.
    Jacqueline