I’m just getting in quickly before you gear up for 19 kids about to arrive for Daisy’s Birthday party. I know you are exhausted, but take a minute if you can, just sit for a moment. It won’t kill you. See?
Beth. You are doing really well at the minute. I know it’s hard. I know it’s the hardest it’s been in ages because you are so tired, but it will pass soon enough. Promise. Despite months and months of sleepless nights, you still get on with each day, smiling as you go, cracking jokes, making sandwiches, washing, sweeping floors and being a good friend, wife and mother. That’s something. Each and every day you take time to write on your blog, to make some one’s day a little brighter, to share the load and make someone out there feel a little less alone, or inspired, or just laugh, and that’s something. I know sometimes you feel useless, like everything you do doesn’t count for much, you don’t “work” and you seem lost about what you can do with your writing, or where it’s going, or why you bother, and you compare yourself to others and wallow a little in self doubt, but, BUT if you stop and look around you will see that you are doing something. A whole lot of little somethings that actually do count. You do matter. You are working each and every day and while you don’t have any money coming into a bank account (which I know you struggle with seeing as you are always worked your whole life and it’s how you judge your own value) you are doing an amazing job. With your kids. With your community. With complete strangers all over the world. You are working, and doing something fulfilling that you love and that’s something right? You always wanted that. Remember?
I know you struggle with people and conflict and situations that eat you up and turn you inside out because you ‘don’t understand’ one thing or another. Let it go. Let it be. It doesn’t matter. Worry about yourself, about being a good person, and the rest can just be what it is. Move on Beth, please, move on.
So, what I guess I’m trying to say is this. Hang in there. This time will pass soon enough. Be kinder to yourself and know that every day you are doing something. You are worth something. You count for something. Don’t forget that. And release yourself from hurt and people that cause you hurt. Move on from it. They don’t deserve you.
Oh, and get your roots done. It’s not Deborah Harry anymore, it’s a little ugly. Happy Valentines Day you old tart. I love you, there are a whole shitload of others that do too. Don’t forget that.
Love me x
Be sure to check out a few other love letters to themselves over at Glow’s blog.