The one where I write to myself

Dear Beth,

I’m just getting in quickly before you gear up for 19 kids about to arrive for Daisy’s Birthday party. I know you are exhausted, but take a minute if you can, just sit for a moment. It won’t kill you. See?

Beth. You are doing really well at the minute. I know it’s hard. I know it’s the hardest it’s been in ages because you are so tired, but it will pass soon enough. Promise. Despite months and months of sleepless nights, you still get on with each day, smiling as you go, cracking jokes, making sandwiches, washing, sweeping floors and being a good friend, wife and mother. That’s something. Each and every day you take time to write on your blog, to make some one’s day a little brighter, to share the load and make someone out there feel a little less alone, or inspired, or just laugh, and that’s something. I know sometimes you feel useless, like everything you do doesn’t count for much, you don’t “work” and you seem lost about what you can do with your writing, or where it’s going, or why you bother, and you compare yourself to others and wallow a little in self doubt, but, BUT if you stop and look around you will see that you are doing something. A whole lot of little somethings that actually do count. You do matter. You are working each and every day and while you don’t have any money coming into a bank account (which I know you struggle with seeing as you are always worked your whole life and it’s how you judge your own value) you are doing an amazing job. With your kids. With your community. With complete strangers all over the world. You are working, and doing something fulfilling that you love and that’s something right? You always wanted that. Remember?

I know you struggle with people and conflict and situations that eat you up and turn you inside out because you ‘don’t understand’ one thing or another. Let it go. Let it be. It doesn’t matter. Worry about yourself, about being a good person, and the rest can just be what it is. Move on Beth, please, move on.

So, what I guess I’m trying to say is this. Hang in there. This time will pass soon enough. Be kinder to yourself and know that every day you are doing something. You are worth something. You count for something. Don’t forget that. And release yourself from hurt and people that cause you hurt. Move on from it. They don’t deserve you.

Oh, and get your roots done. It’s not Deborah Harry anymore, it’s a little ugly. Happy Valentines Day you old tart. I love you, there are a whole shitload of others that do too. Don’t forget that.

Love me x

Be sure to check out a few other love letters to themselves over at Glow’s blog.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07219272193124932806 PinkPatentMaryJanes

    You listen to her Beth, she’s smart that girl xxx

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02005492484650666091 BabyMac

      As are you my friend x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08672392833460234682 pollyemj

    You’re doing more than an amazing job! And we all love your blogging contributions to the world every day! Thank you for always being so incredibly honest and open here so that we can all feel a little better about our lives!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05733683295079746421 kurrabikid

    Nice one! The best Valentine’s message you could hope to receive, Beth.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07586610467519318424 Jode

    Oh Beth..this letter really spoke to my soul….how giving and brave of you to be able to share such innermost thoughts!
    You often make my day and with twin toddlers that is a tough one… trust me…you make a special difference and you are doing the most important job in the world!
    I also miss the money and ‘respect’ (from self) that working gives and i know it can be a struggle when that is what you have been used to and you are just so damn tired but give yourself a hug and the permission to feel exhausted….but also obviously well loved!
    Happy Valentines day…i hope the Birthday party goes well!

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02005492484650666091 BabyMac

      Thank you Jode, I tell you I have never written a letter to myself and I found the whole process extremely therapeutic and emotional. I cried and cried. I did also get my period today so that may explain SOME of the tears at least!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06124224647059797583 kim at allconsuming

    I loik that letter. I loik it a lot.

    And really, that letter could have been written by me or for me or both. So thanks for that.

    Now, I’m on Day 2 so excuse me while I go and despair at the world and eat a slice of the warm plum slice with pecan crumble I just pulled out of the oven.

    have a party pie for me ok? Ok.

    Love ya guts.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00463206542148286066 Greer

    Aw, I like it. I think I might love you too after reading that. Go, lady.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09334181966209041832 Corinne – Daze of My Life

    The fact that you are putting one foot in front of the other is a major achievement at the moment. You’re doing good, real good. Thinking of you lots xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07422068499429667636 Posie Patchwork

    Yay, yes indeedy, you are loved & have love around, loving yourself is the biggest obstacle, then you get used to patting yourself on the back, even if it’s household chores, done excellently. You may not have key performance indicators & appraisals, but a great cake, fresh sunkissed washing, hell, they make me feel better than any other job title ever did, mum is my favourite role & soon enough, they’re in school & you can embrace your days alone, making a beautiful home for your amazing family to enjoy, guess what – you are the centre of it all, the superstar of family, that sure does count as ‘something’.
    Honey bee, you should sign up for the daily truth affirmations from The Brave Girls club, they are amazing (kind of like they are looking over your shoulder) all about self love, not worrying about what people think or who you used to be, quite brilliant. Much nicer than any email a boss or colleague might have sent you. Most simply end with ‘you are loved’ i mean, how delightful to hear that from the universe??!! Love Posie

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16543791863884733714 Mum on the Run

    I like that Beth.
    Hers are some wise words.
    Happy partying.
    :-) x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12010119572472733390 Lisa H

    You’re right Beth, these days will pass. Hang in there, and read this post every day if you have too! I hope the Party was fun! :-)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08156015996147898156 Glowless @ Where’s My Glow

    Oh this sent shivers up my spine, Beth! Thank you so much for joining in, I’ve added you to the linky :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10155668418044222620 LeighRex

    Fuck I needed to read this tonight, you just wrote to my soul – am wallowing in wallowsville and struggling REALLY hard with work that I hate, in a job that I hate and I feel trapped in because we badly need the money. Thanks sister – crying! :( xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10208633197266540403 Maryandlil

    Beth! I SO needed to read this today! Infact I could have written that to myself. I feel EXACTLY like you do about my life. Alot. Of. The. Time. Thanks for the great pearls of wisdom. I hope one day we will meet so I can give you a massive hug instead of this virtual one! {. ..} xx

  • Amy

    Geez Beth, it’s like you read my mind! First the no sleep thing (totally get it) and now with the not earning an income & finding it hard to place value on what you do (a bloody LOT)!! You certainly make a difference to my day lady, I don’t think i’d survive this parenting gig without the wise & funny words of some lovely ladies on the internet everyday. And you’re one of my faves! Hope you survived the party, I sure as hell couldn’t have pulled that off! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04339773113889860348 Miss Pink

    I love this.
    Fucking sleep will be the death of me. It’s great for making y ou feel like shit for no reason at all. The whole world is bleaker without it.
    I think you are inspirational, as a wife and a mother. You’re doing a good job, even if you may not think so right now.

  • Traci

    DAMN STRAIGHT! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – you brighten my world each and every day (and have inspired me to change my life!). Thanks a million ladyface. Just for being you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17598892582207477663 Peggy

    That is just perfect. I like Beth a whole lot too. xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03543927835691071914 little sleep

    Lovely, lovely, lovely. Best Valentines message ever : )

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17341653362616566495 ~ Kim ~

    I love it. You are a great person and your blog makes me happy and I do laugh and cry. Thankyou. Sincerely.