Quieting my mind

This morning I spent 3(!) hours pruning back the 5 star jasmine & 1 clematis bushes down the side verandah. I cut, pruned, shaped, raked, swept and cleaned up the mess over and over and over again in the hot sunshine. This was after I went for my first run in exactly 3 weeks. The run time was not good, but it was a start. I have done 4 loads of washing, made 3 beds, unpacked the dishwasher, made lists cleaned up.

Anyone would think I was trying to distract myself.

If I start to stop too much I find my mind thinking about a few things, so it’s best to keep busy. I think. It’s noisy in my head…

: I hope we can get Harper into that ENT earlier, I really need to hassle the receptionist
: What if she doesn’t have sleep apnoea and this is just how badly she sleeps?
: I wonder how many nights in a row I can go waking every 1.5-2 hours?
: I wonder how Daisy will go on Thursday?
: I need to get her a new hat
: I wonder if I can lose a few kilos in the next few weeks
: I need to call the babysitter about Saturday night
: I wonder how the babysitter will go with Harper sleeping so badly at the moment?
: I hope Rob’s work is OK
: I think I need to start thinking about work
: I wonder where I’ll work again. When? Where?!
: I need to prune the bushes out the front
: I need to zero all the weeds in the driveway
: I need to clean out the garage
: I need to somehow get rid of all the green stuff to the tip maybe? There’s so much.
: I need to weed the septic tank. Again. I hate that septic tank.
: I need a new laundry basket. I wonder if I can get a nice cane one somewhere?
: I need to wash the car. Inside and out.
: Is there anything more boring than cleaning your car yourself?
: Why am I still tackling the same old issues with the same old people?
: What will we have for dinner tonight?
: I wonder if Harper will sleep tonight?
: I need to go to the Post Office
: If I go to the Post Office the kids will make me go to the park
: I hate the fucking park
: I need a coffee

I think it’s time to tackle that garage don’t you?

Comments

  1. i hate the park too

  2. I also hate the park. You should spend the next couple of days in my head,…..not pretty.

  3. Ha, love it. I self talk as well…same questions seem to pop up everyday too, can’t really find the answers.)

    I

  4. Leave it. Do it all tomorrow apart from the ENT harassing which can be done every ten minutes xx

  5. I think you need a coffee and a sit down! Lol…oh and the basket? Barbarahs storehouse Bowral :) x

  6. be kind to yourself, remember that? i say fuck it, start a new list, a fun list, holiday destinations, restaurants you MUST eat at before you explode, you know, those kind of lists. and i think a potroast sounds delightful in this fickle melbourne weather. job done. but most of all, be kind to yourself.

  7. Did you take a sample from my brain?? Just change a few names, remove things like ‘septic tank’ and it sounds like me. Though I tend to get iverwhelmed and do NOTHING, so the house is a disaster. If you need a place to busy yourself…

  8. different issues, same noise in my head as you.

    plus work starts again tomorrow and I am not in the right frame of mind for it. not in any way, shape, or form.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Keep Calm . It will pass. We all have lists/ stuff in our heads all the time . love Emma

  10. I need coffee too, but we have none, if i go out to get one i will have to take the little ones to the park, i hate the park also. sigh.

  11. Delegate the yard duties to a local handyman (particularly the septic tank) and get him to take it all away with him. Nip into town to get the car detailed (if possible?!) and while you wait have a coffee and do some shopping online for a laundry basket and hat for Daisy. Fuck the park and head out for dinner!

  12. you are so funny. I need to make a list similar to yours. But i think it the garden hedges look great and good on you for running again.
    I started running this month after running on and off last year and have achieved a lot too.
    I need to make a list of my thoughts too.. pick up son from preschool ( i walk there and back), get dinner organised, get swimming stuff organised for this afternoon’s class, put clean clothes away, do another load of washing, etc…
    take care

  13. I think you should get on the freelance writing bandwagon – you’d be amazing at it. Not that you need qualifications but the Sydney Writers’ Centre do great online short courses. You’ve got so much talent and wit and creativity and could do it all from home! ps. the star jasmine look GREAT ;) oh that house…sigh…

  14. must be the day for it beth, i’ve just spent a meditative couple of hours in the vegetable garden… my mind is a little quieter now, but seriously it’s just as busy as your list, but with a few more self doubts thrown in. right, must go do something. x

  15. A beautiful and honest post. Thank you. I have days like this where my mind is jumping from one thing to the next like a little froggy. An annoying froggy. When i start getting confused by all the chatter, i decide it’s time to do absolutely nothing. Or something close to nothing, like a bath. x

  16. Stop, make a coffee and sit on that wonderful verandah and admire your work. Lady, you done good! Then maybe call the ENT and start crying about how you can’t take the sleep deprivation anymore. x

  17. I find that vigorous gardening is incredibly soothing in times of stress. I pretend it’s The people who annoy me as I clip. I don’t do parks. The baby doesn’t seem to mInd.

  18. Freelance writing.

    That’s what you should do.

    Amongst many other things.

    I hope that busy head gets a beautiful sleep tonight xx

  19. Oh snap, literally thought to myself, ‘Barbara’s Storehouse!’. That’s about all I got today. Wish I had some of your mojo!

  20. If I have to go to the park one more times these holidays I will lose it – I am SO over the park!!!
    Love your list – it sounds like the same things that are going around in my head at the moment.

  21. You’re a woman on a mission.
    Keep at that ENT gatekeeper.
    They have a couple of spare early morning slots for the neurotic nutcase Mums who cry and wail down the phone. Trust me.
    The rest of the list can wait – like the other more sedate ENT patients!
    :-)

  22. I ALWAYS ask to be put on the cancellation list if my appointment is years away and I really need to get in fast……I dont believe that there are cancellation waiting lists……so I pester. Often.
    It paid off last week after my pestering I was told “Oh yes you are on our cancellation list” I then believed that they did have a list and not some fob off line…..I got in 9 days earlier….score!

  23. Sweet baby cheeses lady, I thought my head was busy! But I am rubbish at making lists, so if I did, I’m sure my head would spill out something resembling your dump here. Good luck with it ALL and the answers to all of it will come. Eventually xo

  24. Fellow list lover here, lol. The ENT is the priority, the rest can be done as time permits – give yourself a break! You’ve worked like a wee trojan already. *g*

    Lovely pics too, as always.

    Cheers, Sarah

  25. Out of all that all I got .. and I’m in complete agreement with you – I HATE THE FUCKING PARK too. Drives me insane!!

  26. I hope your run is easier tomorrow! xx

  27. Hope you get that laundry basket you’re after. Thanks for reminding me. Must clean my car too. Its been like a year or so.

  28. You have a job. You’re a blogger.

    You’re at that point where Kevin Costner has actually built the Field of Dreams, and he’s still scratching his head wondering why.

    You built yourself a fine field here, Beth. I like it, others like it. I’ll do what I do with my sisters when they need advice … tell them an AA saying. (I know SO MANY.)

    “Just do what’s in front of you. Rest’ll take care of itself.”

    xxxx

  29. I bought a cheap nice cane laundry basket from BIG W!

  30. Ssh,stop,listen to your breathing,relax.

  31. I am so glad I’m not the only one who talk to themselves in their head….you make me feel normal. Thankyou xx

  32. Gosh, that looks just like the inside of MY head! Hope the list making worked, the greenery looks great.
    x

  33. You are doing so well to articulate your thoughts. Mine would look like a tin of alphabet spaghetti at the moment!

    And I agree with Eden – you have a job, this beautiful blog that brings happiness to so many. Do what you love Beth x

  34. Haha! sounds like my head when I’m meant to be in final relaxation pose in yoga! Hope all your questions are answered soon. In the meantime, how amazing is your deck and garden?!

  35. Ok I feel better, I thought I was the only one with the exploding brain!

    Breathe Beth, breathe…

  36. I can guarantee you that you can live for at least 13 weeks on 1-2 hours sleep at a time. After that it’s anyone’s guess. I know this because I have a 13 week old baby who has only slept that much since birth.

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