Let me count the ways

Lately I have noticed that I am quite annoying all of the time at times. I mean I know that I am currently a hormonal freak due to coming off the pill, but I think generally speaking I am so annoying that sometimes I even annoy myself. I have no idea how my children and husband put up with me. I guess they get to live in a fabulous clean home, eat great food and have clean clothes on their back because of me so I will do. For now.

These are the top ways in which I am so annoying, I even annoy myself. Which is quite annoying.

1. Floor compulsion

I am quite obsessed with my floors. Call me crazy, but I like a clean floor. CRAZY! I know with kids this is a battle not worth fighting but I like to walk, without shoes on, and not have to brush my feet off on a mat to get crumbs and stuff off them. Due to said compulsion you will find me on my hands and knees a lot of the time. Eaten a meal? Dustpan and broom essential after a meal. Gone outside to do something? Sweep that verandah to make it all nice like. It’s not really toys/books that drive me crackers, it’s the crackers. Or crumb crackers. Could I spend my time doing something else? OF COURSE. But I like clean floors and DEAR GOD I WILL HAVE CLEAN FLOORS. Annoying yes?

2. General family intolerance then 2 second later smugness

I find myself, at times, frustrated with my children. Whether it be whinging, or whinging or when they are whinging I will, at times, lose my shit with them. If my husband happens to be nearby at the time that I tell them to “SWEET BABY JESUS STOP WHINGING AND TALK PROPERLY” he will intervene and try and get the kids to stop whatever behaviour has set me off. I will happily walk away, let him take over until he inevitably says 2.3 minutes later to “SWEET BABY JESUS STOP WHINGING AND TALK PROPERLY” I will get all upset, and protect those whinging darlings of mine and take over, all indignant like and say something like “Take it easy! They are just kids!” like they weren’t just driving me fucking mental. That’s a special kind of crazy right? ANNOYING.

3. Wine rules

I have a little rule in my head, on nights when I am having a drink {who am I kidding that’s almost every night bar 2} that I can’t have a drink until both kids are asleep. Like I cannot take that first, sweet, special sip of wine until I have clocked off. I imagine that the older the kids get, and the later their bed time gets, the more this rule will be pissed off. This one particularly annoys me, and probably just me. I’m sure the kids are grateful for sober Mummy.

4. My mess is OK, your mess is NOT

Most days when the house turns to chaos from the girls moving from one thing to the next, their hurricane trail is OK by me. I’ll clean up say when Harper goes down for a rest and Daisy watches a movie on the couch, and then again while they are in the bath before bed. I am an expert at putting things back – minutes flat I can have things back to normal. If, per chance, my husband is looking after the girls while I get my hair done, or catch up with a friend, or go shopping, and I come home to the mess that is usually absolutely fine with me, but I have not been there to see it happen, I tend to huff and puff about said mess and ensure that everyone knows that I am a slave to their mess. I mean really Beth, get over it. This is a cracker isn’t it? I mean, having a problem with something not on your watch when it usually is? Mental.com.au

5. Time away from the kids

Generally when I am lucky enough to have some time away from the kids I am GAGGING for it. Chomping at the bit to get out the door, give instructions to the babysitter, or Grandma and rushing out without too much of a thought to what will happen when I am gone. 2 minutes down the road? I lament. I worry. I feel terrible for being away from the kids. Did I mention I worry. I can’t wait to get back to see them until 2 minutes after being at home all I want to do is get away.

I could go on. And on.

6. Not sitting still. Ever
7. Order of hanging out washing
8. Sitting waiting for children to go to sleep

And on.

Except that this post is actually depressing me now because I seem like a total basket case who would be AWFUL to live with, and I can’t wait to see all the Anon comments that will follow telling me just that. BUT. For anyone else out there, with some crazy behaviour of their own, do share. Confess. Get it out there. And please make me feel a little less lonely. Less crazy. Less annoying….please!

Now, I’m off to clean my floor…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15049049486292603860 Miss T

    um, your normal. That is all.
    ;)
    T x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17588853000749461539 Allison

    I do 2 and 4 allll the time. Alllllllllll the time.

    As for the wine thing, I used to do that. But now we have 3, I need that wine to ease me through the evening. No wine = shouty mum.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07732623384511673618 Palaeontologist Mum with Babies

    Yes I agree with Miss T. Quite normal and I think it has to do with being a woman, wanting everything done a certain way and having hormones running wild.
    I like you, like clean floors, sweep numerous times a day and mop floors every second day or so. A bit hysterical I know. Especially with a 18 month old that walks around the house with cups (that have lids mine you) of sticky wet liquid and throws the half finished cups on the floor every time she can not get the last gulp.
    Also I am a washingnazi, need to do washing everyday and get anal about certain things, and with making beds, my partner made the bed for me on Saturday and 5 min later I was there fixing it. He said to me later “you hate the way I make the bed”. I hate myself too when I am like this. Sigh….. But Love your style!!!

  • cookcleanstudy

    I’m nodding my head agreeing with everything in this post. Except drinking – I don’t drink :).

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16543791863884733714 Mum on the Run

    Oh crap – am I
    really that annoying?!
    I do all of the above – by my house is nowhere near s stunning and my cooking is mediocre at best.
    Crap!
    :-)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01605620654237159510 Hayley

    Beth can you please tell us your ‘order of hanging out washing’. I thought that was just something wacked that I did. I read all of your points and realised that shyzer, I am annoying too.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15761220164069379437 Maxabella

    When did move into your house? x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16423155273754490984 Something Gorgeous

    Umm I can’t see the problem, you sound pretty normal to me. x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03493854657141470059 Super Sarah

    Hmmm, well don’t get me started on the hormonal mess that is the pill, you already know how I feel about that! And although I am not quite so organised (read: I am lazy!)you know how mad I get when my floors are covered with puzzle pieces and barbie crap! As for the wine, well I too have an imaginary wine clock and I get seriously pissed off when I finally sit down to enjoy that first sip, and somebody calls me from the bedroom or my husband asks me a ridiculous question, like “what are you doing”. So, I think you are perfectly normal and not annoying at all.

  • http://jodigibson.com.au/the-cafe/ Jodi@TheScribbleDen

    Oh God you are so much like me! So much!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11433701550878013807 annie

    I am married to somebody exactly like you…EXACTLY! It has its advantages re the mess but it hard for him to relax.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18254275544017629129 bigwords is…

    I wish I had a floor compulsion. I just don’t know I could fit t in what with my tidy bench space, neat pillows, facing the kettle in a certain direction analness.
    You are so very normal x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04862063794539595101 Beth @ Achoo You

    Bahahah this was so close to home it’s scary!! When your hubby says to you “you taken your meds yet” and your actually not on medication, talk to me about CRAZY lol :) So glad I found/stumbled/stalked this blog, brilliant

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14984609947075978961 Leah

    OMG i feel so much better. I do all of this AND MORE!!! I don’t feel so bonkers :D

  • Anonymous

    I have this crazy thing I do when I fold the (copious) amounts of washing. I find myself imagining if there was a fire in our house and I could only grab the stuff on the table where I am folding would the kids have enough clothes to get through a couple of days? I feel particular satisfaction when everyone would make it through ok which just seems completley crazy but I always do it. Rebecca

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08110730276139946737 Peta

    snap snap and snap.
    right back at you sister.
    i think i wrote this post.

    except (dare i confess) the missing the kids 2 minutes down the road. I can easily ‘switch off’ for up to 6 days if given the chance ;)

    Go easy on yourself Beth. Pace.
    Its a tough race and you are doing an awesome job. Clean floors and all. xxx

  • Megan

    You have just described me to a T – and I think I am quirky and charming and lovely! So, I don’t agree at all with the annoying/batshit crazy diagnosis.

    xx

  • Lisa

    If that’s crazy then I’m about to be committed!!! CRACKED.UP. at all of them… and yes, please do elaborate on the washing regime… my hanging out is very particular and I get all cranky pants when hubby does it the wrong way… I stare at it getting annoyed its wrong and then go fix it whilst cursing my crazy arse self! Love your work Beth!

  • stylemumma

    Hhhmm now I am starting to see why I get the very blunt response of “you are crazy you know, not just like I’m calling you crazy- like you actually are crazy possibly need medicated kind of crazy”
    Really the obsessions I have make my anxiety levels level, prevent sudden outbursts and should there for be followed, its simple, here are a few samples:
    * When putting the pepsi max cans into the cupboard ensure there are the same amount in each line = neat
    * Towels should be folded like you are in a hotel, 3 times = comfort
    * Toilet seats should be down at all times,and free of boy wee,toilet rolls stocked, toilet free of skid marks, smelling like a florist = clean
    * Clothes must be hung on the line in a very strict order, towels at back, pants, shirts, t-shirts etc till they reach the front where all the socks and undies will be suitably located, pegs should be the same colour on each item ( ok this last one I can see the craziness on ) = common sense

    Your not annoying but efficient, funny, quick witted and charming, and if we don’t do it who will ? The fairies???

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05500173032095264013 Amba @ Team Mummy

    Ahhh, you are sooo normal!!! Not crazy at all haha.

    We all have our little ‘quirks’ :)

  • Anonymous

    N O R M A L. I’m so happy I stumbled across your blog. You make my day with your posts. I think you’re wonderful and as I said previously – N O R M A L. I do ALL of the above including the wine thing.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06911678503912496884 Donna

    If you are to be committed than you’ll have to take me with you. Last week when i was trying to juggle far too much and my house was neglected I feared I might have a panic attack that it wouldnt get it ususal spruce… Funny how I complain bitterly about doing it but when it didnt get done by me I thought the world would end!

    and dont get me started on hanging the washing a certain way… The husband NEVER does it right (ie my way) and it grates oh so bad…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01127105449436772470 K.J. V.

    I am completely guilty – especially of your number 4. And why is it that the throw pillows look so nice when I put them on the couch, and they look like a disaster when my husband does it?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12173085007473641503 Down that Little Lane

    My thought of today was ” Can you ever really say out loud I hate my kids?” they drive me up the wall then when I go to Coles on the weekend with Hubby looking after them I thibnk oh better not take too long WTF?… book me in with ya honey.. I often think I ma a basket case and horrible to love with xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17707203629566573282 Adriana

    Thankyou so much for this post.
    I absolutely loved it!

    The floor, the mess, the worry…
    And especially the washing…
    (I thought that was just me)

    It’s all so familiar. I can really relate.
    I think we’re normal – aren’t we?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08281463357359416086 Mrs BC

    I do all of this stuff & I’m perfectly normal, so you must be too.
    ‘Order of hanging washing on the line’ Discuss? Gladly.
    I have a system that according to me is uber superior to anything else. No one else gets it & therefore they cannot do it, so therefore no one is allowed to help me put clothes on, or take stuff off (whole other system). Because they will get it WRONG. I don’t consider I am being annoying over this, I prefer to call it ‘Good houskeeping’. At least I don’t need to use the same colour pegs for each garment, like I used to – it’s not like I’m OCD or anything!
    xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04472720952938332243 Katie

    Hahaha I love it! After the above comments it seems we are all very annoying awful women to live with and our partners and children are just waiting to get rid of us!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00859110942745952818 TAHNEE

    Oh Beth, you’re gold. I adore your honesty! I concur with the echo of normalcy. I too have an order to hanging out the bloody washing. I blame the Virgo in me.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13151973819133926868 Mama of 2 boys

    Shit, I have just realised I’m not alone when I get cranky at Scott for getting cranky at the boys… right after I’ve been cranky at them. I’ve always thought that is such an arsehole thing I do. Now, not so much. Thanks lady :o) xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04054598062772198767 Corinthians Grace

    My rules sound the same – except for one .. the WINE RULE … in my house no wine rule only the Wine rules (as in rules the roost). Having the third one pushed the rule out the door, now I only make sure that there is another adult in the house… my mum always said only problem drinkers drink alone… no problem there what was she going on about!!!
    My mess is always ok, my room is the messiest, my space is so cluttered but don’t you dare mention it.
    When did we all grow up and become the woman we didn’t want to be… its great!!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15887525088217989855 Beautycat

    hehe love it…;)
    and um yes, i’m like that too, every point. and OMG dont get me started about crumbs on the feet! hate it…I was worried I was a bit nutty with this one, but after reading other comments, it appears we are all normal ;)…(or at least crazy alike)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13041011727783934765 Ellie

    I do number 2 ( not that number 2) every Thursdy about 6pm when my husband walks through the door after being away all week.

    I swear. Does that make it okay?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05422169384250471413 Lib

    This post and all the fab comments make me feel so happy to follow your blog :)
    You are a cracker and a superstar…and as birds of a feather flock together your commenters are as well!!!!
    My nickname in our house is PSYCHO MUMMY!!!! Say no more :))