It seems everywhere I look on blogs there is talk of no sugar, organic diets, green smoothies and a general health kick. It’s not surprising I guess, it’s that time of the year. In the lead up to summer, warmer weather and longer days means that exercise is easier to fit into the day, salads are easier to put on the table. I read these blogs by fabulous women and cheer them on from behind my screen. Wow! Truly inspiring! I have such a predictably boring pattern with weight loss and well being and exercise. I have had the same pattern my entire life: feel like a fat mole when I realise that my jeans don’t do up properly or see myself in an unflattering photo, decide to lose weight and go on strict health and exercise programme. See results with a couple of kilos lost so slacken off, go back to full normal me mode which is eat most things without caring, take it up a notch to rolling finger buns with the girls because even though I am a little fat, I’m not that fat, I could be much worse, and why can’t I just be happy with the way I am? Size 14/16 isn’t that bad. Until I see a photo of myself and the whole things starts again. The cycle is usually 6 months long. And it’s been going on for the past 20 years. 20 years.
I am currently in phase one of the cycle. The “I’m a fat mole and I need to do something. Quickly”. I woke yesterday and went for a walk/run. It felt great to be outside and again I wondered why I just didn’t do this for my mental health – let alone the fatty boombah arse helping it was doing. I watched everything I ate – no carbs, less sugar, less everything, even no wine! By the end of the day my bloated gut from last week’s holiday was flatter. I felt better.
By the end of the week I will jump on those scales and see an improvement no doubt. In a week after that clothes will feel looser and fit better and not dig or stick and someone might even tell me I look good, or that I’ve lost weight. It will be just the thing to keep me going.
Until I stop. Again. It’s so boring. How, dear GOD, how do you stay motivated and make real, proper changes in your diet? I have never been able to do it, never. Ever.
Actually, I did lose some weight when Rob and I first started going out which kind of lasted for a few years until I had kids. I was probably consistently 5+ kilos lighter with him than what I used to be with my past life when I drank a lot of coke and smoked a lot of ciggies.
Since the start of this year Rob had lost 15 kilos. 15! Can you imagine? He is a new man, he is happier, more confident and he looks amazing. The size 40 jeans have been replaced with 34. 34! All from exercise. Consistent, consistent, consistent exercise. Not much else has changed – he still drinks beer and eats all the dinners that I put in front of him except that now he exercises. His mind has shifted. It’s just part of his life now. His skinny fabulous life.
How can I make the shift? How can I turn into the size 10-12 person that I know I am capable of being? Why am I asking the interwebs when I could be out running actually moving my arse up a hill? Why are finger buns with pink icing so irresistible?
OK. I’m off for another walk. And then hopefully another. And maybe another after that. Baby steps. Chubby, wobbly, baby steps.