Little shoes, broken hearts

The other day when my hair appointment was cancelled I had some time to kill so we splashed right out and went to medicare! Because that’s how I roll and that’s some crazy fun right there! We walked out with our $96 refund (score) and then straight past a shoe shop that the girls demanded that we go into. 20 minutes later I walked out the door with a little money left from Medicare (oops) and 2 pairs of summer shoes for the girls. Harper was particularly hilarious with hers, she spotted them in the shop, took them from the shelf and then took them to the lady saying “My TURN. These ones. MY TURN!”

She has pretty good taste doesn’t she? Expensive, European and cute.

Every time I look at these pretties my heart breaks a little. I mean they are beyond sweet, but it’s more than that. Are these the last little pair of summer sandals I’ll buy? Sure, there will be sandals next year and all the rest after that, but are these the last proper little sandals I’ll be buying for my kids? Daisy proves to me every day that this time, these days of having small people that need me for stuff, they are numbered. She is big. Grown up. Independent. This big, long kid. I know it’s a cliche, but I swear to you she was just born. And now Harper, almost two. Big tears spring to my eyes just to write that down. Two. How did that happen?

I’m still trying to work out if we will have another kid. Maybe not. Maybe. It’s really undecided. It’s probably more on the maybe not side of things in my head though. This feels like it. Like this is all of us. My heart wants to feel one more baby kicking inside of me but my head does not want to deliver it, or deal with the breastfeeding, and more sleepless years. My head is selfish like that. I’m selfish like that. My heart wants to see the girls with someone else that they will love, another dynamic, another joy but my head sees the tantrums, the tears, the fights, the possibility of twins that are in the family all that other stuff. Who knows who will win. Who knows if I would even be lucky enough to be blessed with another healthy baby? In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy these little summer sandals for what they are. Right now.

Gorgeous little summer shoes that belong to my baby.

Comments

  1. Ow Beth. Little bit of an emotional one. Tres cute sandals, tres hard decisions. Me, i think MORE MORE MORE. What a few more sleepless years in the grand scheme? ;)

    xo em

  2. Pippany Rae says:

    Oh Beth you can have me. Adopt me. I’ll bring the tantrums, the tears, the fights, you just wont have to go through that pain!!!!

    x

  3. I am tossing up with the same thoughts, I have a 16 month old and a 4 year old.
    I love having two, would like 3 but still not sure. I guess if it happens it happens, the little one who may be out there will one day let themselves be known if it is meant to be. Meanwhile enjoy your little ones, their new shoes, and the lovely spring weather we are lucky to be having in the southern hemisphere!

  4. Every now and then I’ll come across a little pair or shoes or some artifact from my kids baby/toddler years. It is always bittersweet. And I so understand that wanting but not wanting another little kiddo. It’s our biology, methinks.

  5. I have a post bubbling away in my drafts folder about this same issue. My Little Guy is 16 months, and my girl 4 and a half nearly. What to do? Three kids seems like crazy self-inflicted drama. Do I need it? Not sure.

  6. Such adorable shoes!
    I know exactly how you feel – looking at my one year olds winter clothes I keep wondering – are these the last true baby clothes’? Surely not. They’re just too sweet. There have to be more. Surely this little dress will be worn again (I mean, she’s only worn it twice!) I already have a wonderful boy and a wonderful girl but… I would love another baby. My beloved was completely traumatised by the births (he’s a med-student, go figure) and is not so keen… but surely there’s another baby waiting for us!
    It’s such a hard decision!

  7. Oh it is hard making the decision to go from 2 to 3. I agonised for ages & did pro and cons lists etc. Ultimately I went with my gut and realised it always felt like there was someone missing from our family.

    The universe agreed and we were blessed with gorgeous baby D. It feels like we’re all here now. Added bonus I know I am SO done with adding kids to the family.

  8. You’re proof of having made a decision to have a 3rd baby….guess the universe was right X

  9. I love this conundrum.

    We are still in the process of baking number 2 but while pregnant with number 2 I have developed an obsession with the fact that I do not want this to be the last time I am pregnant. I do not want this to be the last member of our family. I do not want the baby years to be over!

    Something you haven’t mentioned Beth though, is Rob. I assume by the fact that you are having this debate in your head, that he is completely on board with number 3 if you are?

    Because in our house, my husband is not as keen on 3 as I think I am. He’s not closing the door though, just saying “let’s get to two before we make any decisions about three” – which makes perfect sense of course! This baby may be born and we may feel our family is complete.

    I know a family where the husband does not want another child because he doesn’t want to deal with the wife through the baby stage!!! It’s important to remember for us girls I think that as tough as the sleep deprivation is on us, someone else then has to deal with our moods & tantrums!

  10. I think if you give the question of whether to have another baby too much thought, you won’t have one. If you were to write a list of the pros and cons, cons would win by a country mile because there would be only one thing on the pro side….love. Those little sandals say it all. Have a lovely day Beth x

  11. I too have these moments, but mine are stronger, because I am sure that I don’t want to have another. Two is ok for me and it is one of those things, I think, when you are done, you just know you are. So I see little shoes and grow suits being grown out of and I just know that I won’t be putting them on another little body.

    And if I happen to accidentally get pregnant and have twins at any time, please send back up!!!

  12. Despite the looooooong nights, it really is fleeting, blink of the eye stuff – this babyness.
    Those shoes are just beyond adorable.
    Impeccable taste, Harper. Of course!
    :-)

  13. I had this conundrum too. I totally thought I was done and yet there was still this ‘What if?’ bouncing around my head. I kept saying I’d happily have another if it came out as a one-year-old.

    Then I decided yep, then I got pregnant and thought ‘what have I done??”. Now? Well I still don’t do babies that well, but I’m enjoying it more this time round (so far) as I know it’s def the last and that it won’t last forever. I keep looking at the big picture.

    PS – those shoes are gorgeous!

  14. Cute shoes! I’m warning you now, I wrote a similar post about us deciding if we should or if we were crazy then a few months later ta-da! #4 in the making! No decision made from us yet!
    I don’t know if you ever get ‘over it’ or if its forever a thought in the back of your head. Good luck xx

  15. Funny how the small things like that make us so emotional!
    I got upset when I realised I wouldn’t ever be buying any more baby formula. And when my daughter finally lost that little chubby roll on the inside of her thigh, I knew it was over.

    We are happy with two. Very blessed. My heart aches for another, but my head knows we’re done.

  16. We were still discussing whether to have another when we found out about the fourth. I went through all the ‘lasts’- last contraction, last graduating from a cot, last breast feed- then, lo and behold, we found out about number five, against all odds. She is two now and brings boundless joy to every one of us every day. My first two are twins so I’m with you on the twin phobia. Six might have pushed me over the edge. Just thinking about seems to help me fall pregnant so be careful what you are thinking.

  17. Gorgeous shoes & my 10 year olds would still rock those pretties with pride.
    Babies, i just knew when i was done, it felt whole, having my 4th i knew it was my last first born, last week old, last 1 year old etc, i felt complete.
    You do realies the 3rd child raises itself don’t you?? They just see it all, barely speak, go with the flow & have their sibling helpers speak, do & play with them. Remember at 35 you have a massive increase chance of having twins (says me who had that twin surprise at 26) so don’t ask me, i’d say go for it, you just keep finding more love inside you.
    FYI my sister-in-law had 2 non sleeper girls then a dream boy who slept from the day he came home from hospital, you might score her luck??!!
    Will there be more sex posts on the making of a 3rd baby, giggles, love Posie

  18. Sooo gorgeous…she has great taste doesn’t she!
    We delayed our third KAT and eventually it happened anyway…the factory was closed but the production line wasn’t decommissioned is the line SM uses to explain it :))
    Having our 3rd has added such a fantastic dimension to our family that I cannot imagine life without her! Continue to ponder your decision…you have time!!

  19. Oh, that’s the loveliest little sandals – her taste is immaculate. My little one is soon three, and we bought little sandals this summer too. You still have many, many years of sandal-buying ahead of you.

  20. I used to “see” the third if that makes sense. I even had a third stool for the island bench.

    I don’t see a fourth – thank f*ck!!!

  21. On whose side of the family are the twins? Because twins aren’t actually genetic or “run in the family” like we think they do! Twins (fraternal) are due to hyper ovulation, which is a gene handed down from mother to daughter. So it’s only genetic on the woman’s side, and only if you have the hyper ovulation gene. And apparently identical twins can’t even be explained by genetics!

  22. The shoes are a delightful, sweet and a beautiful shade!

    Baby making is a hard decision, I’ve had 4 and I thought I would never see the day where I actually stopped wanting more but I’ve realised lately the longing for the baby and a new child has long gone. Babies are a lot of work and they can upset the balance of the current family but they’re always worth it which is why the decision is so hard.

  23. The are the cutest sandals…I love that green with pink.

  24. They are super adorable sandals
    I’ll be buying boy ones this year – and probably in navy or black – boo! (I miss the pink)
    And for my 2c worth of gratuitous advice the #3 has been the best decision ever

  25. Love the shoes, just bookmarked the website….

    Oh I am so with you on the baby issue. My hubby is one of 5 boys and I love being amongst all his siblings its a special something something I can tell you…makes me want the same for my kids BUT arghhh…another round of nappies, sleepless nights and trashing my body AGAIN?.. Oooh its a tough one fickle and selfish but tough xx

  26. Cutest shoes EVER!!

    As for the baby thing … We contemplated a 4th but I just couldn’t do it.
    I think I am a pretty good mum of 3 but think I would be a crap mum of 4. I just don’t have the patience. And as much as I too wanted that feeling of a baby in my tummy I think I knew that I was done.

    In saying that the thing that also helped me decide was when a really close friend of mine had a new baby and I was so happy to cuddle and snuggle him but also could give him back .. without wanting to take him home with me.

    Good luck with the decision.

  27. Oh hello! You are inside my head RIGHT NOW.

  28. You could not pay me enough to have another kid. Actually you could – it would start at one million. Way more than enough for the full-time nanny I would need.

    I would love to see a Baby-BabyMac … and I’m sure you could do it. You is tough. But, maybe you are done. Pfft – look at me, analysing you.

    There’s only one thing I know – nobody is ever “ready.” But we do it anyway.
    X

  29. Yep, I know exactly what you’re going through. I wanted another but we simply couldn’t afford to have 3 kids and also buy a house, so we didn’t have anymore. I don’t regret it, although it would be fun to see how many different looking kids we could make!
    Now mine are 11 and 9, one about to start high school. So yes, these thoughts of my babies growing up too quick never stop!
    Just enjoy today Beth
    Rach x

  30. I’ve said if before and I’ll say it again… I see another bub for you lady. Do it. Go on, do it ;o)
    Gorgeous wee shoes. The gal has taste xo

  31. In the same boat. My youngest is coming to the age where I need to get pregnant to get another 2yr gap (I have a 3yr old and a 1yr old). Yesterday was a good day – and I could see myself adding another to the fun. Last night was HORRIBLE my youngest doesn’t just wake and cry, but SCREAMS for hours on end. Wakes happy as, not me though. Don’t think I can do pregnancy and first 12mths again.
    K

  32. I thought I was well & truly done at 3, but now I’m not sure. Maybe it’s that my little guy is off to school next year, maybe it’s that hubby cries every time he sees a new baby..but then I think of sleepless nights (more than we still have) and I think NO WAY!! Who knows…
    Enjoy your little ones now, the pictures in your posts above & below are just gorgeous (not to mention those sweet as shoes..

  33. I don’t think you could have found a prettier, sweeter pair of sandals anywhere..she’s got good taste!

  34. They are SERIOUSLY cute! Do they come in adult sizes? ;)

  35. Hmm. At least she has picked the most scrumptious pair if you do need to gaze at them sadly. Surely they will make you smile again and again;) x ashley

  36. Emma Mercer says:

    i don’t think your heart has to be broken. This is a great pair of shoes! I must say she has quite a taste. The shoes look adorable and all too cute. I think it looks good on her.

    http://www.babyshoe.com/

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