I will admit, my post yesterday was a “here I’ll shove something up so I don’t have to write anything”. However, Harper singing Annie is always worthy of a post on the blog…too sweet that gal, too sweet. You see, my mind and heart was all in a state after the weekend that was. It was whirling and swirling and I had the strong desire (as I have had in the past) to hop off this crazy ride. So I did for a little bit, tried to stay off line and take out my crankiness on things (and people) in my house. In the process my house was cleaned from top to toe (my cleaner had slipped a disc in her back and is out of order…NOOOOOO!) and I took out of my frustrations on the floor that got mopped really well.
So. What was all the fuss about? Who knows. Do I need to share them with you? Perhaps not. I keep writing paragraphs here and then deleting them and then writing something else and then deleting them. I can’t verbalise it properly, the words aren’t forming properly, I suppose because it’s not just one thing, or another, it’s more of a feeling.
I don’t like the feeling of the “in” or “out” crowd that can sometimes happen on twitter or in the blogging community. It’s easy when everyone is doing the same thing and people have success to feel left out, or wondering why the hell is she doing so much better than I am? I will put my hand up to doing this on many occasions, putting my neediness and desire to be liked out there and it does come across as jealousy. Which is SO stupid. SO stupid because really, we are all on the same team. We should be congratulating each other. Celebrating each others successes. But sometimes we don’t and I guess that’s because we are all human and female humans, an even more dangerous combination. I’m not quite sure which crowd I fit into. Sometimes I try and keep up on twitter but it’s fast, and it’s competitive, all trying to put out the best one liners, one upping each other with our humour and wit, but holy SHIT is it exhausting. Sometimes I feel like it’s not too far from the High school playground I left all those years behind one group looking at the other group, each group outdoing the other. Sometimes. Not all the time. And because I am me, I am always trying to make it with the cool kids. But lately, most of the time, I feel like a need a shower at the end of a session. I’m exhausted and I feel a little dirty.
Saturday nights event was great fun and a worthy celebration, but was another “in” and “out” crowd moment for me. I received emails from people asking how you get invited to these things, what do you have to do, and well…I HAVE NO IDEA. Sure they look glamorous drinking cocktails and getting dressed up and they are when you usually stay at home wiping poo out of little peoples bottoms, but they are put together by PR companies and seriously, who knows how these guys target bloggers. Do they do it right? Sometimes. Can they make us fight against each other for the best product/review or even that some of us chose to do said product reviews blah blah blah and then feel they have to justify themselves for doing so? I think so. And that sucks because it kind of puts us against each other when we really are all on the same team aren’t we?
Then a post went out yesterday by my friend Maxabella that was directed at my lack of sex life post that I put up last week. And the post was great. Bron, as she always does with her posts, put out another side to the story, a well articulated and thought out case for :”just doing it” which I agree with, but some of the comments pissed me off. It seemed like a ‘pick your team’ moment – the ‘don’t talk about sex people’ on one side and the ‘not have sex and talk about it’ (me) on the other, and then explain why your side if better than the other. A chance for people to pick sides. When (I reckon) we are all on the same team – raising kids, trying to be good partners, trying to live our own complicated lives in the best way we can, and sometimes writing about it along the way. And this isn’t a feel bad for me anything – Bron and I discussed it offline and there’s no dramas because we are grown up’s and not in Highschool anymore THANK GOODNESS. Who knows why it pissed me off so much? I think I was tired, and hormonal and I decided to bite, and be defensive and hurt and grumpy instead of just turning off the computer and living my life (story of my life at the moment hey?!). Note to self Beth: You post something on the interwebs, you are going to get opposing points of view. And it doesn’t mean that people don’t like you. Or maybe they don’t. But thank goodness for that right? Imagine if we all thought the same?
So, for now I am going to slow down. Stop competing. Stop trying. And just be me, do what I do, and occasionally look out this window.
Because DEAR GOD there is Spring blossom on my trees out there, and it’s so beautiful.
AND I have clean, mopped floors inside.
Yes, when I look from my laptop there are plenty of things to celebrate. And live.
And I’m going to share that with you too, just without getting caught up in the politics that can sometimes happen in this world of blogging that I am SO proud and lucky to be a part of. I’m going to get a thicker skin, I am going to give myself my own boundaries to work within. But, I am NEVER going to stop celebrating all those fabulous bloggers out there who day in, day out, make my life as a mother easier, more enjoyable and FUN. I’m going to fly all your flags, because they all deserve it. I mean we are raising the future generation of our country AND wiping poo as we do it. Now that is something worth celebrating right?