Does this make me a craft blogger?

Today I was reading my favourite blogs – first port of call the famous Mrs Woog. Her post struck some chords with me – what do women really look like after they have given birth? I have seen plenty of shots of people of Facebook, post baby, MASCARA on, looking fabulous! Because you do! Don’t you? Post labour? I have been that person, writing that comment, saying “You look ridiculous! YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH” and I’m sure they think, “Oh that Beth! She’s so funny!”

But really. I meant it. YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS. YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH!

So. I went and took some snaps on my iPhone of what I looked like and posted it up on Mrs Woog’s Facebook page. Because NO ONE LOOKS LIKE THAT. Seriously, go and have a look at some of the most amazing and beautiful picture you will ever see. Go on. GO.

For those interested, this is me. This is what a woman looks like after she has been pushing a posterior baby out of her vagina for 2 hours and 45 minutes (no, I’m not joking). It’s what a woman looks like after she has vomited. And shat. And been given the most precious gift in the world. And when she is truly terrified, when she realises that she is the only person that can make that baby stop crying.

Holy FUCK man.

Can you see that look? On my Mum’s face? When she realises “Oh God. Now she gets it.” And she’s touching my hand, and not the baby, because ohmygodnowshegetsit? This is when you have to grow up? And my sister who is ALL about the baby? The cutesy baby?

My other personal favourite from the family album is the one below. The Pediatrician took this one because he was called in with all the dramas and the long pushing thing and it’s a nice shot? Right? Rob, with the baby?

Except. When you look a little closer, you can see Mummy getting her EPISIOTOMY SEWN UP. There should be choirs! Of angels singing! I CAN SEE THE LIGHT!

That’s how women look. It’s real. It’s freaking scary. And raw. And at times horrific. But it’s life. And really, you wouldn’t change a thing.

If you wanted to read some more of Daisy’s birth story, you can do so here. But really, all you need is that snap. Isn’t it?

You’re most welcome!

Comments

  1. that is the funniest shit I have ever seen.

    funny. shit.

  2. I love it. So real. The photo with Rob is pure gold.

  3. Even the baby looks horrified.
    ”My Mum’s vagina is right over there and you’re TAKING PHOTOS?!”

    Gold.

  4. Memories, precious memories! You can show your vagina that pic when she is all grown-up!

  5. That is priceless. What a shot. I can’t believe he took that shot. Maybe he wants to use it for his students (“and then after the baby comes out the WINDOW TO THE OTHER SIDE appears. You must sew this up quickly”). BTW, the pic of me after the birth of my first has the exact same expression on my face – “WTF just happened?”.

  6. As I said over at Woogsworld, remind Rob that the sun does not shine out of his arse … it’s clearly coming out of your vajayjay!

  7. I saw it today and am back to laugh again.

    Both my babes have been posterior, and I am not brave enough to post my pictures, the first was 31 hours of hell, and that is exactly how I look in the images.

  8. Funniest photo ever. I just love it!!!
    And you are so so right. I hate seeing women post photos of them post birth suddenly looking 10kg lighter and like they’ve had a make up and hair artist with them during birth. YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH! I also hated visiting friends in hospital who had done their make up and looked like they were off to lunch. Repeat – you just gave birth. I didnt even get into trakkies in hospital. I wore pyjamas the whole time. For visitors too.
    And finally – Beth you are an absolute f*cking legend to have pushed out a posterior baby. I couldn’t do it. After 14 hr labour and 2 epidurals (which didn’t work) Little Miss had to go through the sunroof. I raise my glass to you. xx

  9. The money shot.
    I’m laughing… For now!

  10. Hahaha, that is BRILLIANT.

  11. What a golden photo! seriously! and love the raw truth of it all xxoo

  12. That is SO funny.
    And real.
    Thank you!

  13. Ha! Well, I am officially in love with this blog and YOU.

    IN LOVE.

  14. Hilarious!! That is great and oh so very real! Love it

  15. I was all teary then I pissed myself (seriously). Damn those big babies! GOLD!

  16. GREATEST POST EVER! LOVE LOVE LOVE the ‘holy light’ photo!

  17. Can not stop laughing. Won’t stop.

  18. Holy shit lady! As I was reading that, I thought “is she really going to go there” and… you went there! Hah! Two incredible photos! As always, love your honesty and thanking the lord for the holy light in that shot ;o) xoxo

  19. Thanks for sharing – all of you! Very precious.

  20. It’s like, there’s a river of laughter in my heart and I can’t stop. I just love you, man.

    And I got it, before you wrote it -I saw the pic and saw your mums hand on your hand and her looking at YOU and your beautiful sis looking at the cute widdle baby.

    And you? You look like you’ve just sucked back half a cask of warm goon in the sun and fallen asleep on the beach and there’s still sunscreen in your hair, and you just woke up and you’re all … did we miss the ferry home, dudes?

    That’s motherhood, right there.

    I love you, Babymac Beth. Very very much.

    XOXOXOOX

  21. PS I wish so bad I was in the room when both my sisters read this post tomorrow.

  22. Those girls, with those photos, after just giving birth was YET another reason why I deleted Facebook.

    Such a fake, superficial place, where giving birth has even taken a superficial edge.

    Thankyou for this. The honesty of it all made my night. And the fact that you could even bring comedy to it all?

    You’re amazing. I NEED to show this to my mummy friend’s!

    Women need to see that it’s not hair & makeup post delivery, but it’s the look on your face, the look on your mothers, and the look on your sisters that truly is the circle of life :)

  23. I would caryy that photo in my purse if I were you.
    Destined to shut any ‘hater’ up!!
    Fan(ny) bloody tastic!

    I posted my immediately after pic on FB – then later realised bub and I were covered in blood – mine.

    :-)

  24. I keep coming back to this and laughing (but in a good way!). I love the honesty of it, and the hilarious reality of it! Thank you so, so, so much for sharing. xxx

  25. I found your blog via that shot on mrswoogs page. I can’t stop laughing sorry.
    Adding you to my reader.

  26. This is without a doubt, one of my favourite and the best posts I have ever read. Pure joy. No bull. Love it. xx

  27. This would have to be one of the most awesome pictures ever! You rock honey, posterior babies are not fun, at all! LOVE it!

  28. Love it love it love it!

  29. This has really made me giggle (needed it after being up since 3am with my 4 month old twins)

  30. Beth you kill me! Strange looks from seriously serious people on the 7:36 train to the city.

    Love it! And I could hear the choir!

    You look beautiful by the way xxx

    LizzyD

  31. You are going to go down in history as the bravest and truest blogger ever.

    Thanks for the giggle!

  32. Wow this blog post is fantastic, I am butt naked in my photos, hair like a birdsnest big bags under my eyes and a look on my face like “what the fuck just happened?”
    Thankyou for being real! love it

  33. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, you crack me up. Great post.

  34. Actually laughing out loud right now. Thank you for sharing your vagina with us, Beth xxx

  35. Great post!

    And I totally empathise: having pushed out the second posterior baby two weeks ago, I wasn’t as ‘in awe’ of the whole rotation thing as I was the first time. And I too have lovely photos: the only ones of the whole birth are of her head rotating on my perineum. From 8 angles. Fantastic.

    The number of photos taken just reminds me how long it took!

    So needless to say, none of those shots are on facebook either. But as my husband said afterwards, “at least you didn’t break every blood vessel in your face and shoulders like last time, you don’t look as bad!”….

  36. Just love it..so real..thank you..and I had a good laugh! I’ve been through it all five times..and the articles and books don’t show how fed up you get with every oriface leaking and excreting some kind of fluid in the weeks that follow!!

  37. You are awesome, what a complete cack!

  38. Totally amazing photos hun.

    Funny and real and I love them.

    xx

  39. I had a huge giggle when I read this, all so true. What a total crack up, you have a great way of reflecting your sense of humour in your posts.

  40. Love this post.
    I have to admit in the scheme of things my post labour shots aren’t too bad as I was a lucky cow who had fairly easy births. They’re not beautiful made up shots but they’re not bad. My photos come into their own about a week post birth with big wet patches on my boobs from leaking milk and a hair everywhere and a dazed look on my face that says: “Why the hell am I doing this?”

  41. I wondered whose vagina was the shiny one in Mrs Woog’s title – now I know! I love your mum’s face…just gorgeous. She looks so proud of you and just has love love love spilling from her. I was a bit blubbery looking at mrs Woog’s pics on the blog..and now I’m blubbering after reading yours.

  42. the pic with your mum made me teary
    - it so clearly says ‘this is MY baby as she looks at you’. Beautiful and real.

  43. Thanks a lot lady – just the reminder I needed 3 weeks before doing it ALL AGAIN!!

  44. That photo cracked me right up I nearly missed it !! Thanks for sharing your shiny vajayjay
    Love it
    xo

  45. i laughed…i cried…i weed a little. awesome post. if i’m brave enough i’ll find and post the pic of my face the moment #2 broke half my nipple off with suction power.

  46. oh. my. lordabove that was funny. thanks! I needed that chuckle!

  47. Best fecking birth photo EVER!

    I am sharing your glorious vejayjay on my facebook page.

    I love that so many of us now have naked pics of ourselves on the net!!! Not quite how I imagined it, though LOL beats a sex tape any day.

  48. Now that’s a priceless shot! I love it! Especially your photo with your mum. We do get it at that instant. So true. Cheers for sharing!

  49. Kudos to you for pushing out a leg’s first bub. I could not push out one at all.
    Kudos for you for pushing out a baby!

  50. I cannot stop laughing, tears are streaming down my face. It’s one of those photos I’m going to remember for years to come and laugh to myself. That photo is pure gold. And I love your comments on the first photo, so spot on what your mum must be thinking. I’m so glad i stumbled across your blog from woogsworld xx

  51. O.M.F.G. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

    Babymac you are FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!! I can’t believe you posted this shiz on the net and here i am blushing that i posted on Mrs Woogs FB page that I had a hairy 70’s bush for both my childbirths. You fucken ROCK my friend, FUCKEN LOVE YOUR WORK _ LOVE!!!! Leigh (sister of Edenland) xxx

  52. That explains the ‘my vagina is world famous’ tweet. I’ve finally caught up.

  53. That is completely hilarious!! Love it!!!

  54. you just made me cry laughing all over again! honestly I had to walk away from the computer and compose myself it was that funny! stop it!

    so funny!

    corrie:)

  55. So real, so you – love it.

    And the photos, well I don’t think I will stop smiling every time I think of the last one in particular. xxx

  56. I love that your vag looks like it has it’s own aura of white light. And your baby is all ‘what stinks?’
    Talk about raw blogging, fucking funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. Well done Babymac, and thanks for the laugh, I SO needed it today.
    love Linda (Edenland’s funniest sister) xxx

  57. I want another baby just so I can get me a picture like that.

    Front page of the baby book

  58. That photo is pure gold. Love it!

  59. Hilarious! Best laugh I have had in days! So true though :)

  60. This is without a doubt the funniest post I have ever read!

    I am laughing so hard right now… and I mean the happiest most funniest laugh there is!

    Love it

  61. Beth I think I love you. xx

  62. Beth, you are a legend! Destined for standup comedy, seriously. I stumbled across your blog tonight – hubby and I (expecting our 2nd soon) basically cried laughing at your description of the shot taken by the pediatrician – takes alot to make him laugh. You are a beautiful mummy too by the way.

  63. Oh my GOD I am laughing with tears rolling down my face! That is just hysterical. Thanks for such a wonderful laugh, especially considering what you went through to give it! Oh, shit just woken the baby up. Who’s laughing NOW, Beth?
    x

  64. This is why I love you. Because you shoot light out of your vjayjay at your husband’s head and your baby goes WTF. You’re like a mothering Super Hero. Super Real, that’s what you are. xxx

  65. Hilarious! Thanks so much for sharing & being brutally honest. I’m definitely not a mascara after birth lady! Do people really do that?? Sheesh.

  66. Good God woman you are hilarious!!! Who else would just happen to have a photo like that in their album? It’s all true though, I look like poo in my justhadababytwominutesago pictures, but who gives a rats?
    Ditto to Maxabella’s comment too, you rock Beth!!
    Rach x

  67. I love this post and so totally agree with you! Who has the time to do their make up and get dressed up after giving birth? I certainly didnt, I didnt change from my pajama’s and I couldnt tear myself away from Evelyn long enough to even brush my hair… but who cares right?

  68. oh man I though the no sex post was funny but that photo is fucking hilarious!

  69. Gold. With my first, not only did I put on 20kgs, but the baby was blue…these photos are very real. Have just had my 3rd, and did get some mascara on after my shower. But that was because I was allowed 20mins of peace in a room to myself about an hour after Maggie arrived. As a mum of 3, who’d just lost 10kgs in 3 hrs, I felt like I needed a shower and some mascara in preparation for all that lay ahead :)

  70. Wonderful wonderful post xx

  71. Haha – that is so funny! Thanks to Mrs Woog whose links sent me here!

  72. I found you through Mrs Woog and I have to say that photo of Rob and the baby is pure GOLD! Thank you so much for sharing, including the one of your Mum – GOLD! You can check out my first birth pic here – http://www.littlecottagebiglife.com/big-life-2/

  73. Anonymous says:

    Hahahahaha omy that just made me laugh so hard!! My kids are looking at me wondering what the hell I am laughing at!!! Although I must say, I have a few very similar shots here aswell;) heeheehee so funny (& v true!) Kelly Walters (new reader)

  74. So I’ve found someone else that the sun shines out of their ahemmmmmmm… Absolutely loved this….

  75. Pure gold! And just what I needed. I know I’m laughing at your expense, but so friggin funny. Love the photo of your mum looking at you. That picture says so very very much. X

  76. ohhh those photos are pure and shiny gold!!!! Thank you for sharing them, I know that I am going to be a completely ridiculous and puffy mess of human when I eventually give birth, I have no idea how do these mascara wearing new mums do it

  77. Cannot. Stop. Laughing. Goodness I love you Beth!

  78. Lisa Mckenzie says:

    Yep I had posterior babies too ,such fun hey and getting sewn up with no numbing agent another such fun thing to do NOT ,I looked like shit so don’t worry sweaty tired and fat as fuck but I thought ,I looked better than before how wrong was I !

  79. whatever says:

    lmao – i didn’t even see your sparkling vajayjay until you pointed it out. I was concentrating on the look of horror on your child’s face. “Holy Truck, man. You’ll never guess where I just came out from “

Speak Your Mind

*