I loved that song. Did you? In fact, I have quite the penchant for early 1990’s R&B and hip hop. Quite sad really. BUT if anyone ever needed to someone to pump out Shoop by Salt n Pepa in it’s entirety, then I am your girl.
I know now the secret to making yourself feel reeeeeeally good about yourself. You write a post saying “Woe is me. No body loves me. Wah. Wah. Wah. I need a break.” And then 59 (!) separate comments are posted telling you the most amazing things. The most kindest things. The wisest things. The most mind blowing things about how you actually are all the things you think you’re not. And that there are people out there, day in, day out interested in what I have to say. Me! I am overwhelmed.
I tried to email back everyone (sometimes I don’t get email addresses and then go onto blogs to find email addresses so couldn’t. So note: leave an email address COME ON!) but thank you. I am truly lucky to have all YOU people out there who are funny. And kind. And supportive. And like me! Really like me! Which (being a Leo in a small town with few close friends telling me in person) is just what this gal needs. Pathetic really.
So thank you. It meant the world to me.
It’s been an interesting (almost) week away from here. I have missed it. Desperately at times. I *tried* to completely disconnect, but it was hard. I still dabbled a wee bit on Instagram and my old pal, Facebook. I still read all your blogs, and commented here and there. Twitter, I think I missed you most of all. All those witty (read stupid, inane) comments I have throughout the day I had no one to tell. I missed that. I missed it so much so that one day late last week I sent Rob a text saying I was going to use him as my personal twitter and that I would text him anything I would usually tweet. He must really love me because he didn’t question it, he just sat during his normal day reading the inner workings of his wife’s crazy wife’s mind, sometimes even replying to me, and when he got home, he still loved me. It looked a little like this:
Desperate times people, desperate measures.
I had lots of time to think. And play with my kids. And go outside. And read magazines. I really need to book in some “offline” time more often. It was good. I read some great articles that people sent through like this one and this one. And I related to them. And liked them. If you are a small time blogger have a read and thanks to those who pointed me in their direction. Smart cookies. I chatted to people on the phone, and via emails and everyone had some great points and these were some highlights for me personally.
: What can I expect from a blog? Do I want creative input? Recognition? Maybe I should look elsewhere if that’s what I want. This might just be the wrong vehicle for those things.
: Why did I start the blog? It’s time to go back to basics. Remember the core of what it is. A place for me to record my kids childhoods, my time as a mother of small people so as I don’t completely lose my shit. A place to connect, and share and be creative. A space to be grateful. A space to just be.
: Why do I expect so much from the things (read blog) and real people in my life? That’s right, things got deep on about Thursday. Why can’t I just let things be what they are? Accept them for what they are. Not get disappointed when they don’t deliver on some ridiculous expectation that I have.
: Our desperate need to be heard, to connect, to share everything all the time cannot be sustained. And it’s pretty stupid really. I’m also sure that sometime down the track we will look at this time and laugh. What a waste of time. If I have something funny to say I’m going to say it. To someone. In real life. Crazy I know. But my night times might be a little more enjoyable for my husband if I actually talk and not tweet. BREAKTHROUGHS people!
: I don’t need to be concerned about the number of people stopping by. I should instead, be concerned that the right people are stopping by. People that get me. People that enjoy me and what I share. People that want to share and connect. And by the looks of things, they are! Engaged audience? Who knew!?
: My Iphone has sucked a lot of creativity from my blog. I have relied on it too much to take photos. From now on, you won’t see iphone shots in posts, only my SLR. That is a promise (except for the picture below. That’s the last). No blogging posts at night. No computer at night. Imma gonna TALK to people instead. By phone. Rob, you better watch out as your nights are going to involve listening to be talk in 140 characters! But they will be funny, oh yes, they will be funny. There will be no more desperately seeking approval. I AM OK AND I CAN TELL ME THAT. So there.
: I want my blog posts to be like visits to my home. I want people to feel welcomed. And nourished. And enjoy the space for what it is. If you want to leave a comment (like my visitors book) you can. But if no one does, THAT’S OK too. No counting. No expectations. It’s time to just let things be. And this runs deeper than just on here, it’s pertinent to my real life too. I’m finally working stuff out on AND off line. I think it’s called “growing up”. Good to see at aged almost 34, I’m getting there.
So. There it is. My musings. My insights and breakthroughs. And there have been many more. Thanks to all of YOU for letting me get there. YOUR words helped me get to this point. YOU! Thank you. I’ll still be here, maybe not every day, but I’ll still be here sharing bits and pieces along the way.
I have spent almost as long as I have been able to speak explaining to people (because I get asked all. the. time) that my name is Beth. Just Beth. Not Elizabeth. Or Bethany. And most definitely not Bethenny. Just Beth. And I’ve finally figured out that this blog is just BabyMac. Not somewhere to become famous, or take over the world, or go to sponsored soirees or do anything other than be what it is, a blog. And that, finally, is OK by me.
So here’s (just) Beth, and (just) Baby Mac, back.