Let me count the ways

This week has not been my finest. I have been slumped in a bad mood, bored, suffered from cabin fever and not enough sleep, a sick(ish) toddler and all round cranky and frumpy and moody and jumpy. Now if there are any doctors out there can you explain to me why it is that each and every single time I finish my period I go into this slump. I thought that the slump would be rectified by the pill, but here I am, post period, yelling at everything and everyone in my path. This slump has nothing on PMT – it’s nastier. It’s meaner. And it’s sharper and filled with more venom than anything a pissy bit of PMT has. Google has me confused on various parts of the menstrual cycle so someone tell me straight up – I don’t have the energy nor inclination to bundle up my kids and go to the doctor to discuss such matters.

I have been trying to pin point the decline. I do believe it was somewhere on Saturday when the guests that I had been ever so busily preparing for decided to cancel on us. But then again it could have been when the rain kicked in late Sunday night and is still sticking around for. Perhaps it was when my 4yro coughed and coughed and coughed again and then vomited but it could have been last night when the coughing started again, just as I laid down in my bed ready for sleep to come after a long day and the coughing started again and it was just standard that I would be the one to go to her, and make it better, until an hour later when I could finally get to bed, after midnight, when my shift finally came to an end.

Honestly this bad mood is so boring – even for me believe me – but why does this ever so important job of raising kids seem like the most unrewarding, hard, frustrating and mind numbingly job I have ever had at times? It is relentless. It is exhausting. It is my duty and my ever ending joy, but…shit. This week has almost killed me. And for some even more stupid reason, the whole Top 50 bloggers thing has really bummed me. And it’s frustrating the hell out of me to work out just why. Why does it matter so much? I did really well with it, I was stoked to even be selected in the Top 50, so WHY does it matter? (Are you getting a pretty good idea of the beating up going up inside my head this week? Exhausting isn’t it?!) I think it might have something to do with the fact that I had been acknowledged (in quite some time) for doing something other than changing shitty nappies. And that for the very first time in my life it was being acknowledged for doing something that I really love to do. Sure I’ve had promotions at work before – done well, been given bonuses and money and bigger, more important titles but all of that didn’t compare to this. The disappointment I have felt has made me realise just how important this is to me – who knew? And I know that without my kids and all this shit that has me down and out this week that there wouldn’t even be a blog. Oh the cycle of never ending madness has me going round and round and round. I’m frankly a little dizzy and would like to hop off now thankyouverymuch.

I don’t know where this post is leading to. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say. I guess it’s something between “I can’t believe that I ate toast out of the garbage bin this morning after trying to teach my ungrateful 4 year old a lesson” and I kind of miss going to work and feeling valued but I would not change anything about this relentless, crazy gig that I now call my job. And I do love my husband and appreciate all he does for us not that I have shown that one bit this week. So I’m sorry. And I need some new hormones. And a coffee.

Now, off to do some washing! {insert sarcastic & bitter font just here}

Comments

  1. Being a mum is great and all that blah, blah, blah. But it’s also shit. And unrewarding, and boring and hard and shit, literally.

    Go easy on yourself. You’ve got an amazing blog, that many people love. You’re an amazing woman. I often wish I could be more like you – funny, sassy, cool. I do understand the sense of worth you get from the blog though, when I’m not getting many comments or it’s not flowing so well I feel the wind get knocked out of me. You may not have made the top 5, but in you’re in my top 5 (not that that’s worth much.

    I’m sure those hormones are to blame too, I’m on a roller-coaster ride with the preggo hormones joy one moment, tears the next.

    I always get that slump after a holiday too, when reality smacks you right in the face and you often don’t have that ‘something’ to look forward to. I seem to go through a whole existential crisis after being away. Is it perhaps of dose of this too?

    Any way, I’m rambling now. Just take care of yourself. Play some music really loud and sing really loud, that helps me!

  2. Oh Beth. I am sorry. Sorry that you are having such a shit time. Sorry that you missed the kidspot thing. I have checked the other blogs and man you got jipped. So I can totally get why you would be bummed about it. That is perfectly reasonable. Sure, get your hormones checked, but go easy on yourself too. You have high standards with food, hospitality and your home, and you do an awesome job at it, all the while raising your little family who are themselves at tricky stages of life. Accept that you are not superwoman, despite your efforts.

    I think you rock, Beth. And I think your honesty rocks. And that’s why if I owned a shitty territory ( hey they are mostly lemons anyways ), I’d let you drive it in a heartbeat.
    Hope the sun shines for you today x

  3. I had to smile reading your post, not because of the shit time your having but because I posted about the same thing this morning minus the Top 50 Bloggers thing because im fairly new to this *gig*.

    You wait and see, next week you’ll be on a high and life will be all fabulous and this past week will all be a distant shitty memory and as Peta said ive heard the Territory is a crap car, my g/f calls hers a TERRORtory ;-)

    L x

  4. Ps she doesn’t have whooping cough does she? Coughing? Vomiting? What we had going on here and we have a confirmed case ……?

  5. You are not alone!! I get this same kind of slump, and it always ends in a massive argument with my husband, that I can’t even pinpoint why I started it, but he knows it’s because I’ve been a massive biatch!
    I showered and made myself up this morning in the hopes that would perk me up, and it’s worked a little bit… I think I’ll be hiding in the pantry today, though.

  6. P.S. I hope you feel better soon, now that I’ve rambled on about myself for an entire comment!

  7. Lady,.. go and put your shit-kicking, rockstar, biker boots on. cause, you, lady, are a rockstar! x

  8. I hear you. It is shit and it is a shit feeling, feeling like that. Take heart that you’re not alone in the neverending relentless cyle of the same thing. But, I saw your light and passion when you were talking about your blog. That’s your chance to be creative and do something for you through the filth. There is hope.

    I think it is always great to reflect and try and find the triggers and get on to those feelings early and insert a circuit breaker. Sometimes it works.

    you’re still wonderful.

    xxx

  9. Anonymous says:

    Same, same, same! But the sun will come up tomorrow (well eventually) and it makes things feel better somehow and hormones suck and sometimes being a mum sucks and then shazam, you’re back and sometimes you still feel sucky for feeling so shitty! It doesn’t make it any better but same, same, same. I think most of us get like that at some time. It’s the rollercoaster of hormones – try selling that to our daughters!!! Poor buggers.

  10. I can’t really comment as I am in the throes of a similar kind of week. I hate that I don’t want to promote my blog because thats not why I started it and yet I keep getting passed over for the fun stuff that comes from blogging. I hate being tired and grumpy and shouty and selfish. I hate the guilt I feel when I don’t go out for a run and the guilt I feel when I don’t go to bed early enough. I think its just this time of year, god I hope so. Its hard being stuck indoors especially with sick kids. xx

  11. Hormones suck massive hairy arse!! I too feel like that at the same time every month when the devil inside rears his ugly head and it’s on for young and old. I snap at EVERYTHING, and EVERYTHING is annoying (especially the way Hubby eats or breathes!). And even though I know I’m being ridiculous I can’t stop it!
    Try to do something just for YOU. Eat a whole lot of dark chocolate, have a big cup of coffee (or wine as it’s after 12!) and ride through the storm. It’ll get better. Big hugs. x x x
    ps. I totally wanted you to win Top50 bloggers.

  12. We love you Beth!! When I am having my shitty days!! I come here and read your posts: then I giggle, sigh, cry and generally cheer myself up. We are all there with you! Hormones SUCK!!

    If it makes you feel any better my husband and I attempted camping in a trailer with two small children for the first time last night. You can imagine how poorly it went! If you can’t then read my blog in a day or two for the details :) It may take me that long to get over the horror of the whole thing.

  13. So sorry about it all BUT bring out the pictures of Bali! I’m uplifted just looking at your pictures — you were REALLY there.

    All the really good stuff has really steep prices — hence hormones, shitty nappies and all the rest. I’m telling you Bali is virtually wonderful! Just go there! (And I’d really appreciate more pictures – hint, hint)

  14. Oh Sweetheart!

    It is called Post Big Event Come Down. It is what happends aftet a highly anticipated event – in your case it is Bali. I am going to write a book about PBECD. I instatnly recognise it in you.

    You need to plan something really pleasurable in the next couple of days. And beware PBECD. Love you honey! xxxxx

  15. Beth! I’m going to smack you! Did you know that you are my number 1, most favourite blogger. Ever… I started blogging because of you (!!!) I’m truly inspired by YOU, your honesty, style of writing… Ahem, I’ll get my head out of your arse now…

  16. big squishy hugs my girl, i hope the cloud lifes soon xx

  17. Mrs Woogs has a point. Between Christmas, your sister’s wedding, Bali; and OF COURSE your kidspot nomination, you’ve had so much to enjoy and look forward to. What now? Cold winter? Well burn that beautiful fire of yours baby and enjoy. Maybe organise a Xmas in July soiree, with some of your famous Roast pork belly. Fill the house with friends and flowers. Hopefully they won’t cancel.

    Otherwise I relate on all fronts. My children have been seriously working on my nerves this week; and the groovy Mama aspirations, have been swallowed whole, replaced with nagging Fish Wife Mama. It wasn’t supposed to be like this! I love them. I want to run away by myself. Repeat.

  18. Beth, my kids are close in age to yours. I’ve just gone back to work 2 days a week, and seriously, it’s hard. HARD. And I’m talking about 2 fucking days. Two!

    I realise that sounds lame, but I also think that when you’re at home 24/7, the grass is greener.

    Going to work seems lovlier than it is. It’s really not that flash and I now realise I’m largely at work for the money. Because it is so hard.

    Hang in there. The rain will subside this weekend, or so I hear.

  19. PMT is pure evil everything is going to seem a lot worse when you have it. I remember feeling sooooo knackered when I used to have and very irrtiable and short with everyone. Thats one of the reasons I went on the injection,A lot less stressful. Being a mother is the hardest job and a thankless one but you should be very proud :) x

  20. Does it help if I tell you I feel EXACTLY the same way about:

    1 relentless parenting – just sux like a mo fo sometimes (okay, a lot of the time to be honest)

    2 top 50 bloggers – never again will I enter a popularity contest. I can’t handle the pressure.

    3 the f’ing downpour – isn’t it enough that we’re drowning in friendlessness and relentlessness???

    And I havent just had my period.

    x

  21. PS – oh and I work and I feel about as valued as that any I stepped on last Monday.

    Love you, darling Beth. Love that you ate toast out of the bin. Now THAT is parenting, baby!! x

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  23. Anonymous says:

    Ah! The crazy way our thoughts can control the way the day pans out,it really is mind over matter…I need sunshine to make me happy when feeling low.That shitty feeling just hanging over your wellbeing,Beth
    .I,m a highlander and love it here.Go and jump some puddles.The girls can watch!The sun will shine on you soon.Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
    P.S This is my very FIRST ever comment.
    love your blog

  24. I don’t really know what to say. I totally get it. I don’t know the answer. I think some regular you time would be good…

    Why don’t you try and get to BlogHer (just saw on your twitter feed tonight). You’d be great representing a brand. I think it would be good for you. x

  25. Well I think your post about the Ford was the best off all the ones I read (as a disclaimer I didn’t read them all). It was witty and entertaining and made me laugh out loud a number of times.

    The thing I don’t like about these type of competitions is they can be swayed by how many contacts (or how big your family and friends circle is) rather then who is the best. Don’t let it get you down, you hold your own with the best all the time.

    Hope Harper gets better soon and you get some much needed sleep. xxx

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