Sweet 16

I have my 16 year school reunion on Saturday night. It was * meant* to be last year except the fine ladies who were organising it planned it for later in the year and then went and planned the reunion to be a Brunch. Yes, you read that right, a brunch. After I emailed the organisers to check that “Brunch” was the name of a trendy new club in Darlinghurst, and discovered that it was in fact, brunch, I protested (with others) and it was postponed, until now. 16 years later. I mean honestly, how can you get drunk and inappropriate at brunch? Maybe if the brunch followed an all night bender, but really? Brunch? I know, I agree,

So. Saturday afternoon I shall be driving up to Sydney to go and get ready at my friend’s place (just like we used to do, except for the fact that my friend is now pregnant with her 3rd child and she has air conditioning which is essential in February when blow drying hair) and head on over to a pub in town to have a few drinks and no doubts a few giggles. I missed out on both my 5 and 10 year reunions so there will be a few gals that I haven’t seen since we finished school, 16 years ago, and I was more than likely drunk and inappropriate.

I have been thinking a little just about that Beth 16 years ago. About who she was. Who she wanted to be. And who she ended up being. What she actually achieved. What she missed out on. All that stuff. It keeps popping into my head, much to my dismay, I don’t really like thinking about all that stuff. My Dad sat me down the day before my HSC trials began to tell me that he was leaving my mother. After 23 years of marriage and 4 kids. Nice timing there. He left a letter for my Mum, who was away with friends for the weekend, then told me and my younger sister and went ahead and left. We got to sit at home, waiting, looking at that letter on the bench, watching the world as we knew it fall apart. Oh and then panic about my exams. Nice timing. My final year of school was not a good one. I had all that stuff going on, I wanted to escape all that stuff going on so I drank too much. I smoked too many cigarettes and I most definitely smoked too much pot. I lost contact with my dear old friends who had been with me from year 7 and distracted myself with newer friends who never asked many questions, who didn’t know me as any different than that Beth, and I threw myself, head first into a serious relationship with a boy who I subsequently spent waaaaaaay too many years on, getting too serious, too quickly, while the time that I should have been travelling, in share houses with friends, having fun went and whizzed straight by me. Maybe I was trying to create some kind of new normal, when all I was really doing was moving away from all I should have been. Could have been. Oh regrets. I’ve had a few that’s for sure.

But. They stopped a wedding from happening. They got me to here right? All that mess finally helped make up the whole that I am. The whole that I am proud to be today. I am finally happy in my own skin. For once. I feel like a finally have a voice. Opinions. A story. A style. I am finally feeling grown up. I am OK with the fact that I have never had the job that I should have had.  Or could have had. I am OK that I am a stay at home Mum. I am OK with right here. Right now. In fact, I couldn’t be bloody luckier. Or prouder. 2 beautiful girls who light up my life and a husband who makes my heart pound. I feel loved. Am loved. And have so much love to give. I have here, this silly blog, to share my thoughts with and funnily enough, people go and talk right back!

So, the 16 year old{er} Beth is OK by me. Sure she probably still drinks too much and gets too drunk and inappropriate for a woman of her age, has teenage moments of tantrums and grumps mostly directed at her long suffering husband and two kids, but she is alright. And luckier than she could ever have imagined or hoped for all those years ago.

Ah stuff hey?

Comments

  1. I love this post. I love this post because it sums up what I adore about you – honest, fun, thoughtful, fabulous.

    I can relate to so much of what you’ve written. I don’t know the Beth of 16 years ago, but the Beth of today is pretty fantastic. x

  2. great post… so true, “never look back unless the view is good”; but appreciate all of the things that have made you you…

    ps: can you do me a favour, and you can answer privately if you wish, but I was wondering … how old are you? I think that we may be the same age, ie: same chinese year, and I think that is why your writing and stuff resonates so much with me. cheers, Jo x

  3. Damn, could you be any more magnificent. I am ALWAYS in awe of you. Have a fabulous time x

  4. 16 years – are you sure!! Wow. I follow your blogs all the time Beth but this one has bought me to comment. I love it. You have the most amazing talent with your writing.
    Have a great time at the reunion sorry I will miss it as 38 weeks preggas and not moving from the couch!

  5. Well, I knew you back then (can you believe that?!) and have seen your life unfold and you should be DAMN proud lady. What a woman and what a life you’ve made for yourself. I think it calls for champagne x

  6. I think 16 year old me would have liked 16 year old Beth just as much as today me likes today Beth.

    You’ll just rise and rise and rise, Beth. Enjoy the reunion. Be proud. x

  7. Brunch is totally impractical. Have FUN!

  8. Beth, I love this post and I love how happy you are with your life. You have such a wonderful, balanced perspective and great sense of humor. x

  9. What’s this? No ‘back in the day’ picture? Very disappointed!

    I hope to be as happy as you at the time of my 16 year reunion. You’ve got it going on ;)

  10. Have an amazing time, Amazing Beth! xx.

  11. Isn’t it great to look back and be proud of the person you are despite the challenges you have faced? My Mum sat me down with a wagon wheel (chocolate biscuit) and the next door neighbour to tell me she was leaving my Dad. I was ten years old and the eldest of four. It took her four days to scream it at my Dad. Hellish.
    Have a great night!

  12. Ah lady, you’re a bloody inspiration you know that! You have every reason to feel as proud as punch xo

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