Without getting all dooms day and ahead of myself and panicked and freaking myself out, please allow me this post to do just all that.
Harper has always been a good sleeper. A better sleeper than her sister – but then again her sister was a reasonable sleeper until approx. 18 months old which is the age we are nearing so perhaps they are equal sleepers? Who knows? Let’s just say the kid has been a
good reasonable sleeper. Most of that has had to do with the fact that Rob and I screwed up so royally with Daisy that we were not going to go down that road again and have let her cry it out approximately 6798 more times than we ever would have contemplated with Daisy. When we were away over Christmas she was a bit of a shocker – a combo of sleeping in the same room as us, being woken up, being much more aware (Oh it’s you at the end of my bed – let’s play! Now! COME ON!) and just being out of her comfort zone. As soon as we got her home, into her own cot things looked on the straight and narrow and we got a few good nights sleep.
But then. Well. I can barely write it down. She has been having these ‘episodes’. Exactly 3 hours into her sleep cycle. These screaming, freaking out ‘episodes’ that look remarkably like my old nemesis the NIGHT TERROR that we experienced with Daisy (and still occasionally do).
This will not do. At all. Please Dear God do not let this be the case.
See what I mean about panic? And getting ahead of myself? And dooms day? I said to Rob in the middle of it last night “I can’t do this again. I just can’t fucking do this again. We are never having any more children ever do you hear me?” (I am not at my best in the night in the middle of a drama you can see) but honestly, I don’t waaaaaaaana doooooooooo this again!
I know I have no choice in the matter. I knew that they were hereditary and if Daisy had them chances on the next kid would have to. I know what the triggers are – over tiredness, over heating – and that I can try and stop them by heading in to rouse her just before that 3 hour mark when she is going from one sleep cycle to the next. So I know stuff, tools, mechanisms and have a whole lot more knowledge about then I did previously. But.
I don’t waaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnna doooooooooooo this again!
I know that some of the worst moments I have had as a parent, a wife and a person have been through these godforsaken terrors. I know the hours of sleep deprivation for all of us that they bring (and last time we didn’t have a whole other person that would be disturbed by them). I know the hours of sitting on the floor of a bedroom they bring. It’s all coming back to me now. Like your first contraction with your next baby…oh it all comes back alright.
But. Then again it could just be that she is sick or something right? It could just be that she had a few hiccups and things will go back to normal right? I mean surely they can’t occur here in this beautiful house in her sweet little bedroom and only in a cramped terrace in Camperdown right?! It could just be me getting ahead of myself right? RIGHT?!
If any one needs me, I will be sobbing into my coffee.