My little weekend to Sydney sent me into quite a spin. From the running around non stop to family gatherings, and Bridesmaid shopping to old friends and traffic, humidity…this country gal was out of her depths. Entirely.
I drove down the roads and streets that I used to almost every day and felt like a stranger. I felt overwhelmed by the smallest things, frustrated by silly things. In a tizz. And spin. This morning I caught up with my best friend at her place. It was so easy. Comfortable. To sit. And swear and laugh and be me and have kids that know each other play. Easily. It was relaxed. And wonderful. And when I left I wanted to cry. I miss this. I really miss the old familiar.
And then? 2 hours later I was out of the M5 tunnel and on my way home and I could breathe a little easier. I was going home. When I got home to this amazing house I counted my blessings 8 million times that we get to call all this home. When Rob got home from his fishing trip and all 4 of us were back together – noise and screaming and laughing and love it was good. All good.
Last week was tough for me. I had 5 nights solo parenting with the girls. I do NOT do solo parenting well. At all. I had my first trip back to Sydney, I had heat, I had bad sleeps, I had vomiting babies, I had proper loneliness, I had it all. And when I thought that a little taste of my old life would be just the ticket, it proved to just make me all the more confused. I’m not quite finished there, and most certainly haven’t even begun here either. At least I know that wherever those 3 other boofheads that I call my family are, we are home.