Be. Longing.

My little weekend to Sydney sent me into quite a spin. From the running around non stop to family gatherings, and Bridesmaid shopping to old friends and traffic, humidity…this country gal was out of her depths. Entirely.

I drove down the roads and streets that I used to almost every day and felt like a stranger. I felt overwhelmed by the smallest things, frustrated by silly things. In a tizz. And spin. This morning I caught up with my best friend at her place. It was so easy. Comfortable. To sit. And swear and laugh and be me and have kids that know each other play. Easily. It was relaxed. And wonderful. And when I left I wanted to cry. I miss this. I really miss the old familiar.

And then? 2 hours later I was out of the M5 tunnel and on my way home and I could breathe a little easier. I was going home. When I got home to this amazing house I counted my blessings 8 million times that we get to call all this home. When Rob got home from his fishing trip and all 4 of us were back together – noise and screaming and laughing and love it was good. All good.

Last week was tough for me. I had 5 nights solo parenting with the girls. I do NOT do solo parenting well. At all. I had my first trip back to Sydney, I had heat, I had bad sleeps, I had vomiting babies, I had proper loneliness, I had it all. And when I thought that a little taste of my old life would be just the ticket, it proved to just make me all the more confused. I’m not quite finished there, and most certainly haven’t even begun here either. At least I know that wherever those 3 other boofheads that I call my family are, we are home.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15761220164069379437 Maxabella

    Torn between two lovers, my friend. But the best one always wins in the end. Give it time and you will soon have country friends who are just as easy…

    The reason you were in such a tizz is that the city just does that to everyone. It makes us all stressed out, whether we acknowledge it or not. You’re just not used to the high corisone levels anymore! x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10992540563706358499 Danielle

    I so know how you feel. Were about to make the move back to the city from the bush. There’s definitely things I love and will miss and things I’m not looking fOrward too about both.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06223703457969469862 joanna

    I so know how you feel…and experience much the same since our treechange to Leura two years ago having lived in Glebe for many many years previously….at the start I didnt miss the city at all,now I really do miss the familiar, the stimulation and just that feeling that inner city life brings. And yet I love our home, the beauty, the peace and all that it brings. For me, moving out of the city coincide with HUGE life changes – I went from working madly and living in an apartment to suddenly being a stay at home mum in the country!!! I guess one thing I notice is that when I visit the inner west these days, its like I can capture ‘parts of me’ on almost every corner….yet, I know if I moved away from Leura and came back to visit, would be say the same about capturing me as a new mum on every street corner. And then there is the fact that the moment we move back to the city, the traffic, noise, small house etc would drive me nuts!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04064528952238060607 PinkPolkaDots

    I felt the same way going from Sydney to Hong Kong – we had a sea-change in a different way. We went home a few months ago and were ever so glad to come home to HK. I do miss some things and get jealous of those places I used to love to visit with the people we love, our favorite and familiar food but we have settled here and made some wonderful friends. lots of new adventures to have and memories to make. We feel like we are home here in HK.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15086980189762813286 [Good Mum Hunting]

    The city drives EVERYONE nuts! Not just you and me ;)

    I know that feeling of relief and comfort when leaving the city. That’s how I feel when we go to the beach house, or even to my parents house which is semi rural.

    You’re home now :)

    xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02743336097657087832 JANE

    This post really interests me, Beth. Bron also has a good point about the cortisol.

    We haven’t returned to Sydney since we left in September last year. A small, boring matter of money. But I really miss the Old Girl! I want to know how I’ll feel when we visit. I’ll let you know. J x