Thursday therapy session

One of my biggest faults as a mother, and I can assure you there are many, is the unnecessary pressure I put on myself. I am sure there are plenty of mothers out there that do the same. I place some unrealistic expectation of an ‘ideal’. Of how I think things ‘should’ be. Of how I think my children ‘should’ behave, or act, or sleep, or eat. Every single day I am riddled with guilt as inevitably one of these expectations are not met, thus making me a failure.

Why do I do this?

I have had myself a tricky week. A looooong week. A shitty week. A week where I have been extra hard on myself. On my kids. And especially, and worst of all, on my husband. My long suffering husband who is meant to be working with me. On MY side. And yet I spent so much energy this week pushing him away. Getting mad at him for not doing something or another. Putting up walls. Not communicating. Being plain nasty and mean. Huffing. LOTS of huffing.

Why do I do this?

Each and every day I find parenting both a delight and the hardest bloody slog in the world. This week I chose to focus on the hard parts. Only see the negatives of just about everything. And believe me, I managed to find plenty of them. Our house. The noise from our neighbours and the fact that sometimes I can’t get a park near it. Daisy’s behaviour. Harper’s eczema and not sleeping and the fact that I haven’t been feeding her enough food (well I thought so at least). Rob’s not talking to me about his feelings. I let myself get overwhelmed by all the failures (which were actually ridiculous, unrealistic and plain stupid expectations) which just made me feel worse, and funnily enough, inevitably spiralled out of control into a big, bad pile of shit.

Why do I do this?

So. Instead. I really want to start to try and focus on all the positives. Because there are plenty. I want to feel free (r) from comparing myself, my house, my lifestyle, my kids and my relationship with my husband to my friends, and family and work mates lives. And just be. I want to not worry about the housework so much. Hand stuff over to Rob and most importantly trust him to get it done. Sure it might not be as good as I do it (in fact I KNOW that it won’t ;) but just hand it over. I want to pash my husband just because there is nothing I want to do more than that. I want to engage. Be engaging. I want to laugh when Harper shits or vomits on me. Not get too flustered when Daisy screams and bites me in a tantrum. Relax when she doesn’t put on what I want her to. Let her hair get unbrushed. Clothes unwashed. Remember just how far we have all come and celebrate it. Enjoy it. Revel in it. Because it’s bloody good.

Why should this be so hard?

Wish me luck. And thanks for listening.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09334181966209041832 Corinne

    Beth, do you know why I love your blog so much? Because you’re so bloody honest and real. It’s unbelievably refreshing.

    I, too, do the same things. Meltdown this morning as the house felt damp, dank and mouldy. Ended in me yelling at the kids, when I really should have been yelling at myself.

    Focusing on the positives and pushing the negatives out really does help. If all else fails, chocolate and wine is a good plan b.

    Hope the week improves, things always feels worse in this miserable weather. x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07219272193124932806 PinkPatentMaryJanes

    Oh love, it’s tough. Parenting, marriage, life… The only way to deal with it is not to compare yourself to others. It does get easier, but let me tell you – I still have so many days where I’m pretty sure I’m the worst mother/wife/friend/daughter/sister/neighbour…

    A million hugs xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09148087567837108169 ashley

    If you can laugh at Harper shitting on you- I really WILL give you a gold star! REALLY!

    Ditto, Corrine! I read for the same reasons and I LOVE IT! xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13009715674974259128 So Now What?

    I do this at night, right before I try and sleep some nights. All the bad shit, all the negatives, I just think of and scare the shit out of myself.

    But every day is a new day.

    We all treat the most important person in our lives like crap for no good reason some time. We just do. It’s not fair, it’s just the way it is.

    But you are lovely, and I love the way you write. And we are all in the same boat xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07648204470712239011 ***Amy***

    Just make sure you don’t make ‘being positive’ another Mummy thing you feel guilty about. Sometimes, it’s okay to feel pissed off when your child throws their food on the floor for the thousandth time.

    My husband and I find that mimicking our son helps with the stress levels. For example, if he’s crying, making a whiney noise back at him ‘I’m Hunnnngrry. But I’m not. But I ammmmm’. Awful? Yes. Effective? Total. Often he will shut up to watch us act like idiots. That’s parenting for you :P

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00187085163513906952 Jo

    first and foremost Beth, you are a wonderful mother! the fact that you even stop and question and strive to be better shows that simple fact. The other simple fact, you. are. enough. I know people always say to “be kind to yourself” and its something that I struggle with, but it is true. Our job is not to have a sparkling clean house (although it would be nice) our kids are never going to remember if the dishes were done, or the clothes picked up, but they will remember that we were always grumpy and cleaning… so I try to limit the cleaning, and remember that I am here to be their Mum, the cleaning will still be there in half-hour, but half-hour of playing with them, or reading to them, that will be with them forever.

    Anyway, you don’t need tips from me (I certainly don’t have it all figured either!) but you do need to hear that we are all here with you, and it is hard, and you are doing a magical job there with your family… just look at those girls of yours, that’s proof just there.

    Good luck! {I’m always here on the email if you want to vent through-out your day ♥ Jo)