Right now we are deep within a shall we say, difficult time. As parents we have travelled down this road many a time. Perhaps too many a time. We seem to be here more often than not. And what seems like more often than anyone else has. It’s a lonely road. It’s a tiring trip, emotionally, physically, mentally. Who knows how much longer we have before we turn back into easy (ier) street? It’s probably best that we don’t know how much further we have to go – we could give up, say it’s all too hard if we knew we still had weeks or worse still, months ahead, or if it’s *just* around the corner we could get over excited and take our eyes off the road.
I am not in a good place. I am tired. I am sick. I am over feeling like this. I desperately want things to change, yet I don’t even know where to start with anything to try and make it better. I cannot see the through the fog of shit to make sense of anything. I don’t like the person I see when I look in the mirror. She is tired looking. She has anger and resentment written all over every one of her creases in her forehead. I am eating. To fill a hole with something. Anything. And I don’t like the fat that is growing on me. By the minute it seems. The girls are sick. Harper has caught BACK the cold that she gave to her sister and I, and now Rob is sick too. Harper’s eczema is bad, then good and then terrible and I have no idea why. Or how to fix it. I have to get them well again to make sure they are OK to go to school so I can go to work. This is just ALL so many shades of wrong. We need some serious readjustments and change.