The road too well travelled

Right now we are deep within a shall we say, difficult time. As parents we have travelled down this road many a time. Perhaps too many a time. We seem to be here more often than not. And what seems like more often than anyone else has. It’s a lonely road. It’s a tiring trip, emotionally, physically, mentally. Who knows how much longer we have before we turn back into easy (ier) street? It’s probably best that we don’t know how much further we have to go – we could give up, say it’s all too hard if we knew we still had weeks or worse still, months ahead, or if it’s *just* around the corner we could get over excited and take our eyes off the road.

I am not in a good place. I am tired. I am sick. I am over feeling like this. I desperately want things to change, yet I don’t even know where to start with anything to try and make it better. I cannot see the through the fog of shit to make sense of anything. I don’t like the person I see when I look in the mirror. She is tired looking. She has anger and resentment written all over every one of her creases in her forehead. I am eating. To fill a hole with something. Anything. And I don’t like the fat that is growing on me. By the minute it seems. The girls are sick. Harper has caught BACK the cold that she gave to her sister and I, and now Rob is sick too. Harper’s eczema is bad, then good and then terrible and I have no idea why. Or how to fix it. I have to get them well again to make sure they are OK to go to school so I can go to work. This is just ALL so many shades of wrong. We need some serious readjustments and change.

So. That’s where I am. We are. I’m not looking for solutions or answers, or putting it out there so you feel bad or sorry for us. Cause even though it’s bad, it’s not really bad. Things can change. Things will change. It’s just where we are. Right now.
  • http://pinkpatentmaryjanes.blogspot.com/ PinkPatentMaryJanes

    Hugs to you my gorgeous one. Everything’s harder when you’re tired. It sucks even more and gets even tougher when you’re sick. Multiply that by every single member of your family being sick – some of which have no real end point and no wonder you’re feeling so crappy.

    I’ve got nothing for you but empathy and virtual hugs. It won’t make it better, but hopefully it’ll make your day a little smoother.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15086980189762813286 Sam

    Oh hun. It’s terrible when the whole family get sick… and then get sick again!

    It’s a little corny, but I have this magnet on my fridge and I look at it every day:

    ‘Life does not put things in front of you that you are unable to handle’

    Sorry to hear things are tough right now. I am inspired by you and how you juggle everything. You are doing an amazing job!

    xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04064528952238060607 PinkPolkaDots

    I hear you!! We have had something similar over the past 2 weeks and trust me, somedays especially without any support and in a different country it is hard and sucks!… But with a bit more sleep and the little things like Coffee or a smile everything always starts looking up :)
    hugs to you… you are doing a wonderful job with your family, just make sure you ask for help if you need it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07673666217224096529 Kathryn

    Many hugs. The worst thing is that you can’t take a sick day. When I get a cold, I don’t want to get out of bed. At all. I want someone to make me cups of tea and hot buttered toast, then clear away the crumbs and deliver magazines. Not exactly going to happen when you’re a mum.
    I hope everyone gets better and that your household stops playing tag team with the colds.

  • http://welcometotherockgarden.blogspot.com/ Kylie @ The Rockgarden

    I really hope you get to the end of this very long road soon.