50 ways to leave your lover…

Blogthis are celebrating their 50th challenge this week and I thought that I better get off my lazy bottom and finally enter one of these things. I have no excuse for my lack of participation in these weekly challenges except, well, laziness. As you will see I am really good excuses, but let’s just leave this one down to laziness. Sorry Blogthis, I hope you’ll forgive me?

This week the challenge was to come up with a list of 50 things. Anything really. Just 50 things….you wanted to know about me, places I want to go etc etc, you get the drift. 50 is A LOT so I needed to think of something that I had A LOT of experience at. So, I give you:
50 excuses for NOT having sex whilst rearing small children.
1. I might get pregnant again (this should be enough, end of story. Done deal. However…)
2. The children *might* wake up
3. It *might* wake the children
4. It *might* wake the neighbours
5. There are noise restrictions past 10pm on a weeknight
6. I have a cramp in my leg/arm/foot/hand
7. I just washed my hair
8. I need to wash my hair
9. I just painted my finger & toe nails
10. I need to paint my finger & toe nails
11. I need to pumice my heels
12. I have to do some washing*
13. I have to fold the washing**
14. I have to do the washing up***
15. I have to sweep the courtyard (yes, at night)
16. I have to iron something ****
17. I have to clean my silver (sure I don’t own any…details, details)
18. I have to clean out the pantry
19. My breastfeeding boobs might leak
20. I have a headache
21. I have a migraine
22. I have a toothache
23. I have an infected quick in my finger
24. I have period pain (best only to use when you are finally get your period back)
25. I have my period (see above note)
26. I’m too tired
27. I’m way too tired
28. I’m desperately tired
29. I NEED to sleep
30. I would prefer to sleep (sure this one could be a little hurtful)
31. I think it’s best if we just sleep
32. Sleeping would be a better use of time right now
33. I am zzzz….(just instantly fall asleep so there can be no confusion on the matter)
34. My GP said I need bed REST
35. I am waiting for my script for the pill to be collected from the chemist
36. My ob said that I cannot have sex yet *****
37. The doctor said so (just leave it at that and hope for the best)
38. Did I mention that I’m tired?
39. I’m too drunk (unlikely, but could be kept up your sleeve)
40. I have to go to work in the morning (best to only use this if you do, indeed, go to work)
41. I have to do the weekly shop in the morning so feel to rest in preparation
42. I need to do a blog post for tomorrow
43. I need to check something on Facebook (weak but may be used)
44. [insert favourite TV show] is on
45. I need some alone time
46. I’m reeeeeeeeeeally tired
47. I feel fat and unattractive, overtired & a million miles away from sexay (sad, but oh so true)
48. My body poses a health & safety risk to you
49. Do you know that the process will render my body NAKED????!!!!
50. I might get pregnant again.
* desperate times
** call for
*** desperate measure
**** REALLY desperate measures
***** This can be tricky after the 6 week mark post babe and certainly when your babe is 6 months +
Please note: I do, in fact, have sex. Sure, not often these days, but I do. I mean I MUST have, at least twice, as I have 2 kids right? My poor, poor husband….

Comments

  1. 51. I can’t possibly, my sides hurt too much after reading Beth’s blog post…

  2. *lol****** so, so, true!

  3. My hubby has a friend who said to him years ago:
    During your relationship put a jelly bean in a jar everytime you have sex. After you’re married, take a jelly bean out of the jar every time you have sex. You’ll never run out of jelly beans.

    I used to think this very odd, but now, post baby, I can see truth in it. Sad, but true.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  4. Ha ha Beth this made me giggle. Especially the last part…it reminded me of when my best friend and I used to think (when we were like, 8) that the number of kids you had directly corresponded to the number of times you had sex. My friend was always proud of the fact that she had 4 kids in her family and we only had 3. And I don’t think we even knew what sex was, really…!

    xx

  5. Hilarious, what about 51 – I have had the kids on me all day, my body needs a break.

  6. You had me in stitches by #1

  7. Baahaha. Love the little *’s throughout. Funny. Well done. Great list.

  8. You may have left out that you need sleep :) Hilarious list. Sadly I relate to it :)

  9. LOL! Too funny and scarily very true! Great list.

    :)

  10. Last night I got the following responses from my husband :P

    I haven’t had any sleep in days
    I’m really tired
    Can we do it tomorrow

    All I could do was laugh!

  11. Despite my freakishly insatiable desire for sex, this had me in stitches!

    loved it.

  12. I was running out of excuses, can I use some of yours? Thanks for sharing

  13. LOVE it! I am 17 weeks pregnant and, as with my first pregnancy, I would rather have my teeth removed (without pain relief) than have sex. This list has given me hope ;o)

  14. Ha ha ha. brilliant!!!!! I’m knocked up with bubba #3. I think my hubby realised very early on this time that it just isn’t going to happen much…so he barely tries! ha ha.

  15. hahahah…So very true.. I was running out of excuses…So thanks :)

  16. When I was sick my favourite excuse was “it’s that time of the month”. I think my husband clicked on after the 5th week ;)

  17. hahahahaha. funny

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