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I’m tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired. Sleepy. Exhausted. Snappy. Grumpy. Tired. Teary. Emotional. Overreacting. Did I mention tried? Tired. Oh. So. Tired. It might have something to do with the fact that I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in, what now, 3 years, but all of a sudden it has caught up with me and I am tired. And a little, shall we say, over it?

I said to Rob just last night as we were laying in bed waiting for sleep (or the children’s call outs) to come, that I wish the kids had a pause button. So we could pause for 12 hours and sleep without any worry at all. Whenever one of the grandparents have had Daisy for an overnight stay, while it is nice, I always seem to spend my time worrying about her, and them, so it’s never 100% relaxing. A pause button would be ideal because I wouldn’t have to worry. I could just sleep. We also said to each other last night “we can sleep when we are dead right?”. What an awful phrase that is. I don’t want to wait till then! I want uninterrupted, peaceful sleep where I wake up on my own. No call outs. Just sleep.
The last 2 weeks in particular have been bad because BOTH kids have BOTH been up more than once every flipping night. Harper is either going through some sort of a growth spurt, or something, but she has been waking more often in the night than she ever has. In fact, it was easier the first 6 weeks of her life than it is now. And that is ALWAYS a bad thing with parenting, when we have a taste of the good life – you know that they can sleep through the night – and then it stops. She is busting out of her swaddling at night, and while she has to learn at some stage to not be wrapped and sleep, she also has eczema so when her hands are free she spends her time scratching and irritating her very sensitive skin. I just went and picked her up a new wrap thingy this morning though that she won’t be able to break out of so we will see how that goes. And if I could be bothered to read a parenting book I might see that this is ‘normal’ for 4 months, but I’m too tired to find it AND that way I couldn’t complain to all you AND be a bitch to Rob and that wouldn’t be any fun would it? And poor Daise went down a snake post birthday and has been running fevers and complaining of a sore throat and tummy for 2 days – but a trip to the doctor showed that it is just a viral thingy and nothing much we can do about it. She, who is SUCH a caller outerer, has upped the ante these past few nights but thankfully Rob has been on her case. I swear the nights all blur into one, long, hot, bad lot of consecutive hours.
And I think that the girls must have some sort of secret CCTV set up in their rooms so they can see the EXACT moment that they see me finally lay down to sleep, close my eyes and then BANG – off they go. And they are fairly consistent (and fair to each other) – they take turns – so it must also connect between their rooms so they can discuss who will go next. I swear these past few weeks every single time Rob or I say “let’s go to bed” or god forbid try and have sex, or eat dinner or talk or something - someone calls out. Every. Single. Time. Even when they have a rest in the day, if I was to possibly close my eyes for a moment – they wake. So day and night I find myself in a perpetual state of alertness just to keep them sleeping. I’m awake! I’M AWAKE! NOTHING to see here. AWAKE! God forbid I do anything to stop the sleep.
So today, instead of going to a hair appointment to deal with the black roots I have going on I have decided to go with the Heather Locklear Melrose Place circa 1993 look and stay home and try and get some (non) rest. It’s just Harper here today so I might be able to pull the wool over her eyes. For a few hours at least.
And have a look at this snap taken just as she is unwrapped from a sleep a few weeks ago now. She looks like some sort of miniature adorable Bulgarian weight lifter. I find it hilarious. But that could just be delirium setting in…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09334181966209041832 Corinne

    God, it sucks. I wish I could offer some sage advice, something to ease the pain and miraculously put the kids off to sleep. But there’s nothing. It’s just plain horrendous.
    My two who had a few months of good behaviour have slipped back into night hell recently.
    I so know what you’re feeling.
    I read an interview with the Dalai Lhama a few years ago and when asked what the secret to happiness is, her replied: ‘Seven hours of good sleep’. Never a truer word spoken.

    Hang in there. Take care of yourself.

    PS – that picture IS hilarious!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07219272193124932806 PinkPatentMaryJanes

    That picture made me burst out laughing when I saw it in thumbnail size on my blog – now, it’s got me cacking myself. But damn woman, I feel for you. Nothing is worse than sleep deprivation, not even… nope, got nothin’ no parallel.

    So hope you got some rest. Ignore the roots, rock that Amanda look {you got the minis to go with it?} and, as Corinne says, hang in there.
    x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17841671676949163570 Caitlyn Nicholas

    How determined is that little soul!!

    Sounds like tough times at your house. I read the other day that a study had found that women with Post natal depression were usually sleep deprived. REALLY?? I thought. REALLY. Then I wondered about the usually part. How about ALWAYS.

    Ack, its awful isn’t it. I know, especially with two of the little critters. I hope things settle down a bit soon.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04064528952238060607 PinkPolkaDots

    Beth, I hear ya! I could count on one hand the number of nights i have had a full night sleep since Lilly was born… over 3 years ago now!! Rose on the other hand is a little gem so i am very lucky there.(shh dont want to talk to soon and jinx it) BUT Lilly wakes ME between 4 and 10 times a night and I am seriously OVER it!! I dont have any advice just know that you arent the only one going through that and i hope it offers some kind of help… like an “ok, im not the only mother being driven crazy by sleeplessness”? I seriously get cranky too but no one really understands the impact unless it is happening to them. I have tried lots of different things but nothing has worked for my little one yet… not even running her completely ragged so she is so exhausted, and praying…. didnt work ;)- I hope it gets better for you soon xxoo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07579409446582399318 Anything Fits a Naked Man

    OMG, that picture is ADORABLE!! (and HILARIOUS!!) Hope you’re able to get some rest today!