Hips don’t lie

Earlier in the week I was thinking (and writing) about how grown up I feel these days. I tell you I (look) and feel every one of my 32 years at the moment. Yesterday I had a chance to duck out to the shops while my Mum looked after the girls for me to try and find a little Christmas frock and some swimmers for our little holiday away.

Sounds good in theory…reality was I had about an hour and a half before I had to get back home to feed Harper. It was crazy at the shopping mall that I went to – Christmas panic mode was in full swing, it was also 39 degrees so I was a little *shall we say* hot and bothered, oh and there is the fact that I currently look like a FAT MOLE to add into the equation.

So I tried on a gazillion dresses with my poor suffering younger sister sitting in with me watching the horror that is my stretch mark ridden stomach and thighs that just won’t quit (upon reflection I really shouldn’t have knocked back a litre of chocolate custard daily) and got slowly frustrated. Nothing really fitted. Nothing looked good. My boobs are too big, my stomach like a tide of flesh that spills over the top of anything – it wasn’t pretty. So I gave up and headed over to the swimwear section. Yes! That’s a way to improve any one’s spirits!

In my mind I had visions of me swanning around the pool at the farm this summer in something like this…

And this…
Can’t you just see me in something like this? I mean it SCREAMS summer vacation, swilling cocktails by the pool and being just plain fabulous (which in MY mind is exactly what I am).

The reality? Oh, just some swimmers called SWIM TRIM. What am I 50 now? They are like spanks but swimmer spanks. Once these babies are on I can tell you that they won’t be coming off in a hurry (the tide of flesh needs to stay in place!). They look OK, the boobs stay in place and all in all the effect is not too offensive. Well I think so at least, I am yet to parade in public – watch this space – and I got 20% off so that’s something. The dress? Well let’s just say I think a maternity dress might get a run this Christmas…or the pants! Why of course the pants! The expandable waist pants! PERFECT for large consumption of turkey…