Sweet relief

Did you hear that? At about 7.20am this morning? The cheers of elation from me as I did the LAST early morning drop off to Daisy at daycare this morning. That’s right. After 8 (!) loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong weeks this morning marked our last 7am drop off for the little petal. No more rushing into clothes at 6.45am after just waking up. No more rushing out the door at 6.58am. No more morning traffic. No more tears and tantrums (from both of us) as she is dropped off. No more rushing across town in traffic and paying ridiculous amounts of money in tolls just to do so. That’s right. As from next week Rob is officially BACK on Dad duty and can take over all drop offs at the far more reasonable hour of 8.30am. I can leisurely make my way into work without feeling completely frazzled by 8am. Ooooh yeah. Bring it.

I am also finishing up work on Thursday next week. That’s right! 6 more days of work and then I am officially OFF (work) duty. I am trying not to feel bad about the fact that it is sooner than I hoped for, that my non existent leave will be used by BEFORE the babe even arrives etc etc. In fact, I know that I will miss work – chatting and having fun with ADULTS (!) and feeling like I am actually doing a good job. And the fortnightly pay. Oh how I will miss seeing you pop into my account every 14 days! But still, no work? No more make up and heels and blow drying hair and trying to come up with a new outfit by 6.30am? That’s pretty awesome.

Daisy will go down to just 2 days per week at school. 2 shorter days as I can pick her up in the afternoons sometime after 3pm instead of 5.30pm. We will have 3 days together at home to hang out, or in the case of a few weeks time, look after the new little babe together. I know that she is going to be such a great helper for me. She is desperate for the little one to arrive – it must seem like such a long time to wait for something (almost a third of her whole little life) and she is convinced that it will be a girl. I think she might be right too. And her name will be girl. Her baby doll has all of a sudden become her baby sister and she is taken everywhere she goes. Rob will be around to help (!) at night with bath and bed and dinner and just be around. Man have I taken it for granted having another adult around at ‘that’ time of the night. Not to mention another set of hands.

As for the babe? Well, who knows when or where (actually I know the hospital) he or she will arrive. We have our scan on Monday morn to work out the size, then I am seeing my Ob on Wednesday for a catch up. We will then be down to weekly visits I am sure and when the time is right it will happen. I am trying to be very zen like about it all. I do feel that I am getting bigger though, or something. Certainly more uncomfortable. The trotters tend to swell at night, I think I have a week of wearing my wedding rings and then they will be off. It’s just these last few weeks where there doesn’t seem to be much room for anything else at all except the babe in there. I guess that accounts for my dinner last night. A cold glass of milo and some custard. Sweet dairy I CANNOT and will not get enough of you.

Thank you for all your comments, and emails written showing much love and support for me. I felt very much NOT alone and NOT crazy after reading them all. I know that 99% of the crazy I have at the moment is pregnancy crazy mixed in with a side of exhaustion and work and that soon enough this will all be over. An email that I got from Mia Freedman also made me feel especially good. She said that I deserve a brass band for that I have done. So I must. If she said it! She’s fabulous.

As the weight of responsibility is slowly lifted off my shoulders I physically feel relieved. I feel lighter. I feel OK with how everything is turning out, about what I have control over and what I don’t. I can feel that slight flutter of excitement about what is to come (like when you were little and were thinking about Christmas day). I feel proud of what I have managed to do these last 8 weeks and I feel sweet, sweet relief that the end is almost in sight.

  • Anonymous

    ive been reading your blog for the past few weeks and i was tempted to shut my trap but you DO put yourself out there so here goes. it sounds like you are getting more and more wound up/mad and of course there are many reasons for that. all this light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel advice is nice, but if you think its hard now, wait till you have a 21/2 year old PLUS a baby. i think its a big step now that you have taken to realise that you are not coping, and its time to prepare some serious back-up for the months ahead, including some kind of professional help, whatever takes your fancy. but your writing is ringing some serious bells with me, because ive been there before.
    i was like you, i screamed and cried and thrashed my way thru ALL my pregnancies, but my homones did not settle down for maybe a year after the babies were born. and its tough – the more kids you have, the higher the pressure, especially for particular “personalities” who are a bit wild, highly strung, rebellious,
    easily bored, unpredictable, creatively frustrated and just a little too aware of what people might think of them. sound familiar? do yourself and rob and daisy a favour, at least agree together in a quiet sane moment what are the signs of increasingly erratic and hysterical behaviour, and have some solutions up your sleeve such as seeing a counsellor, pulling out the straight jacket, whatever.
    otherwise people who you are close to start to take it personally, and relationships are forever changed. if you KNOW you are losing it, and everyone else is telling you its alright, trust yourself and get some help. people naturally want to brush this kind of thing under the table, and make it go away. ride the waves beth, and you will get there. maybe you might want to have one or 2 people who you can turn to when the shit really hits the fan (close friends are not always the best because they cant see the woods for the trees, and being brutally honest can cost them too much), rather than exposing yourself so harshly to the world on this blog. im not saying dont be honest, but rather asking how can you be truly honest with yourself with an audience of 100s looking on? write about your madness with the benefit of hindsight. then it may have a touch of wisdom to it rather than raving. protect yourself and your family, and wrap up.
    anyway, there was my unasked for advice. tiny little baby steps bethelia and things will become clearer and lighter.
    good luck x
    ps just breathe