Today is the 23rd July. Significant? Why, yes it is. Glad you asked. For today is 3 months TILL MY DUE DATE ARGGGGGGGGH! Holy shitballs is all I have to say really.
This means that I am in my final trimester (I think?) that before I know it I will have a newborn permanently attached to my boobs – oh my poor boobs may be grazed and worse still I will be susceptible to the dreaded mastitis (say it ain’t so). I will be in that daze, the daze where you can’t see straight from delirium tiredness. The uncontrollable hormones that leave me freaking out one minute feeling totally out of control of everything and useless, oh so useless. To 3 minutes later feeling the overwhelming love for your new babe that leaves you with tears pouring down your cheeks. It’s such a roller coaster. Not to mention how I have no idea how it’s all going to go down with a feisty little 2 and half year old thrown into the mix. I am not sure that roller coaster just yet. I am not so much ready for to start the ride. Will I ever be? Probably not.
I can’t believe just how vastly different this pregnancy has been to my last. I was saying last night to my step-mother in law (I think that’s who she is? Sue – is that what you are?) that I have barely thought about this babe. While last time we had so many dramas with scans and extra fingers and amnios (I shudder thinking about it all still), this time I have had to make a point to think that this growing stomach actually means that another child is a growin’ and not just that my love for peanut M&M’s has left me a little overweight. I poured over books last time, reading to Rob the various developmental stages “Oh look, this week it can hear what we are saying”. This time I have to keep physically putting Rob’s hand on my stomach just to remind him that indeed I am growing a human inside of me! I have eaten just about everything that you are not ‘supposed’ to eat when you are pregnant – deli meats, dried salamis, prawns and seafood – the lot – I have had NO rest whereas last time I was all about resting whenever I could – how novel! It’s just been so very different.
I just had a look back at the blog to see what I was looking like this time round with Daise. I was happy enough to see that around the same time (1 week ahead of where I am now) that I looked like this and that I kind of look about the same this time – which is fabulous because as you know I fear I may be giving birth to a 13 pounder.
And I guess that’s just how it’s going to be right? Different. Different kids. Different pregnancies. Different problems. Just different. I am SO excited that soon enough there will be a whole new member of our family. I will feel like we are a proper family – which is ridiculous – but it just seems oh so official with 2 kids. I can’t wait to see the genetic combo that will be created – if it’s a girl will she look like Daisy? What does a Beth/Rob boy look like? I can’t wait to see the differences and the similarities. And while it will all be hard SURELY it can’t be as awful as those first few weeks at home with your first child when I felt so very inadequate and out of control and useless and awful, can it? Surely not….
So here we are in the home stretch. So much to do in the next 3 months, so much work for Rob, so much juggling for me with work and Daisy, so many things I wanted to have sorted with Daisy (hello toilet training) and so much growing yet for this little babe. I am nervous. And excited. And anxious. But mostly just excited. A new baby…in just 3 months time…fancy that!