Something happens to me when Daisy isn’t sleep in bed by 7pm. Something in me snaps when she cuts into the only “me” time I have in the day. There are of course exceptions, like when we are away, or at a friend’s place etc, and the 7pm rule can be stretched to 7.30 – 8.00 (at the latest) but on a ‘normal’ week night I NEED her to be asleep so I can get a break. Last night she put on quite the show and would not, I repeat, WOULD NOT go to sleep. It took me 4.5 hours to get her to sleep and then I even had to rock her off. The time was spent consoling, patting, rocking, putting back in the cot and repeating oh say 70 gazillion times! I was not a happy Mumma. Or wife. What is it about a non-stop crying baby that brings out the nastiest bitch from hell? I swear I seem to turn into this crazy woman who I hate who snaps at everything, swears, cries and despairs at it all.
My night went like this…(and this is about the 5th time in the past week this has happened)
I put Daisy into bed trying to be all loving (I don’t have to try at this bit) and caring and calm about putting her in there hoping the entire time that she will go down. The good night sounds like “sleep well darling, see you in the morning” but internally I am saying “I hope to God you go to sleep so I can go and drink wine, cook dinner, wash, do work and actually have a conversation with your Dadda”. Then the crying starts. I try and be calm go in there and pay her to calm her down but in my head I am questioning everything – is she in pain? I knew I shouldn’t have let her sleep in the car, maybe she ate something funny? Is this going to be it? Is this going to be the start of the night from hell? Should I start controlled crying? Maybe Rob should go in there and calm her. Maybe she isn’t tired enough. Maybe she is TOO tired. I really should be at home with her and not at work. This is my fault. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. I shouldn’t pick her up. I can’t let her cry. ETC ETC ETC. All the questions over and over and over and I can’t seem to make them stop. After the 70th time of trying to calm her and put her down and she finally sleeps, I put her back into the cot and cries it starts ALL OVER AGAIN. This has to stop. We have tired to do the controlled crying thing a few months ago when she went a little feral and we managed to knock it out of her in a few nights but I am telling you it is torture. Back then I seemed to be able to calm her down with my hand on her chest. Now I can’t even do that – she arms are out stretched, desperate for me to pick her up. She pushes off my hands with a look (and tone in the cry) that say’s “are your freakin kidding me that you think that is going to be enough? Pick me up!”. And I don’t know why it has started out of no where again. I know that we will sort it out. That this is just a phase. And that she will get better. And then worse again. And then better. This is just a vent pure and simple.
On a lighter note we had a great weekend away up at the farm. The weather wasn’t great but we still managed to have a few swims and just have a great time with our lovely friends. The 6 hour car trip may have had something to do with the bedtime dramas last night and she was great in the car both ways so I really shouldn’t complain.
Also last week the 2 dinner parties we had were a success – Daise went down without too many problems and we managed to feel like we actually had a (semi) social life!
I am also working on Daisy’s 1st b’day party invitations and am trying my best to be all Martha like once again to create something pretty and creative cause that’s what’s Mum’s do right? I think I’ll just tell her that if she keeps this up the invitations won’t get made and sent out and there will be no party! Like she cares less/knows any better….